date mid-September 1989]
SCENE ONE: SHANE IS ALIVE AND WANDERING AROUND
BY SOME RIVERBED IN WHAT LOOKS LIKE THE WILD; HE HAS A BEARD AND
LOOKS SCRUFFY, AND IS SUFFERING FROM AMNESIA.
SCENE TWO: JENNIFER AND EMILIO ARE TALKING AT HER DESK. HE
WONDERS IF SHE WOULD LIKE TO GET SWEATY. SHE LOOKS AT HIM. HE
CORRECTS HIMSELF, HE WONDERS IF SHE WOULD LIKE TO GO BOWLING.
JUST THEN JACK COMES OUT OF HIS OFFICE.
EMILIO: If it ain't gutterball.
JACK: Emilio, improving your mind as always.
EMILIO: Well, I would if I thought I needed
JENNIFER: Excuse me, Jack, are you looking
JACK: Vern. Make sure he gets this right away.
They open on Tuesday.
JENNIFER: Who does?
JACK: Shakespeare in the Park. You mean you
haven't heard. They just got their arts grant. It means we can look
forward to a whole season of fun and games starting with A Midsummer
JENNIFER: Oh, that's great. It's one my favorites.
JACK: Really! One of mine too.
EMILIO: (Completely oblivious) Hey, who had
JENNIFER: You know I never thought I would
like Shakespeare until I took that course last semester and it was
so interesting. I love Macbeth.
JACK: (Because of the alleged curse he does
not mention the play by name.) The Scottish Play or Othello.
JENNIFER: Oh, Romeo and Juliet.
JACK: (Getting down on bended knee, and making
a sweeping romantic gesture with his arms.) "Ah, but soft,
what light through yonder window breaks?"
EMILIO: (Trying to be cool) Hey, who broke
a window here?
JACK: (Jack looks over at Emilio, rolling his
eyes, that he is completely ignorant; he ignores him and continues.)
"It is the East and Jennifer is the sun!"
JENNIFER: (Getting caught up, she plays along Jack.) "Oh,
Deveraux, Deveraux! Wherefore art thou Deveraux?"
BOTH ARE CAUGHT UP IN THE MOMENT. JACK GRABS JENNIFER AND SWINGS
EMILIO: Right here Jen.
JACK: (Jack gives him a quick glance, and continues.)
EMILIO: You know I know some poems myself.
JACK: (Somewhat egging Emilio on.) I'm sure
you do. "There once was a young lady from Venus...."
EMILIO: "Who had a very large...."
EMILIO: Yeah, I know that one but come on I
can show ya.
JACK: You know the Comedy of Errors?
JENNIFER: I'll explain it.
EMILIO: Did I miss something here?
JACK: (Referring to giving Vern for the paper the notice
about Shakespeare in the Park) Make sure he gets it right away.
This town needs as much culture as it can get. Emilio, watch out
for that gutter ball.
JENNIFER HITS JACK WITH A FOLDER
SCENE THREE: JACK WALKS INTO
HIS OFFICE. JENIFER STAYS AND TALKS WITH EMILIO.
JENNIFER: Emilio, what time do you want me to meet you Tuesday?
EMILIO: Hey, why don't you just take care of
Devy's thing and I'll figure that out when you get back and let
you know, okay?
JENNIFER: Alright. Don't go anywhere okay.
EMILIO: Alright. Farewell, sweet thing.
JENNIFER: Uh, what? Did you say something?
JENNIFER: Oh, okay.
JENNIFER LEAVES AND EMILIO DECIDES TO GO AND SEE JACK.
HE KNOCKS ON JACK'S DOOR.
JACK: Enter Prithee.
EMILIO: It ain't Prissy, it's Emilio. Got a
minute to talk?
JACK: Speak, "O, rogue and peasant slave."
EMILIO: Look, I've been thinkin' what you said
and maybe I need to polish up my act a little bit.
EMILIO: Meaning, if the offer's still open, maybe you can
teach me what I need to know. Or what Jennifer thinks I should know.
What do you say? Are we on?
JACK HAS A LOOK OF DEVIOUS DELIGHT. YET HE ALSO SEES
THIS AS AN OPPURTUNITY TO RESHAPE EMILIO INTO A MORE REFINED IMAGE
TO MAKE HIM SUITABLE FOR JENNIFER. BUT DOES HE REALLY WANT THAT?
JACK: Are you sure about this Emilio?
EMILIO: I'm here asking ain't I?
JACK: It's not going to be easy.
EMILIO: We're not talking about your sex life.
JACK: Hahahaha. It's not going to happen overnight
either. It not easy to make a duchess from a common gutter snipe.
EMILIO: What's that supposed to mean? More
JACK: No, Shaw. And if you really want this
to work we've got to get rid of the t-shirts. No more muscles. The
Stallone thing is over.
EMILIO: What Stallone thing?
JACK: Look, if you want.... you've got to make
sure Jennifer can see your brain underneath all that.... er....
JACK: For a want of a better description, yes.
EMILIO: Okay, okay, okay. Whatever. I just
want to make sure I'm ready to take her to the Shakespeare who who.
JACK: Oh! You're taking her to A Midsummer
EMILIO: Yeah. I can buy tickets, can't I?
JACK: Well, you know the ground is free.
EMILIO: No, no, no, no. I'm talking about seats.
Right in the middle, the good ones. You know, I'd like to be able
to talk about it with her.
JACK: Oh, yes. That should be very interesting.
EMILIO: Oh, come on. I just don't want to look
like a dufus who doesn't know a thee from a thou. What do you want,
you want me to beg ya here?
JACK: Oh, well, that would be very entertaining.
EMILIO: Oh, forget it man. Just can the idea.
JACK: Emilio, I'm sorry. I really do want to
help you, really.
EMILIO: You sure know. No monkey business.
You're going to be straight with me?
JACK: Straight as an arrow.
EMILIO: Great, when do we start?
JACK: Okay, let's start right now with A
Midsummer Night's Dream. We're going to go scene by scene.
EMILIO: Well, that's okay. I just want to make sure that I
really impress Jennifer, you see.
JENNIFER WALKS IN THE OFFICE.
JENNIFER: Impress Jennifer about what? What are you two talking
JACK AND EMILIO LOOK AT EACH OTHER.
JACK: Talking? Who's talking?
JENNIFER: You were talking.
JACK: We don't even like each other.
JENNIFER: (To Emilio) Then what are you doing
EMILIO: I was letting him know that.
JENNIFER: That you don't like him?
EMILIO: That's right.
Is this news to one of you?
JACK: What Emilio is trying to say is that
in spite of the fact he doesn't like me, he appreciates the kind
of work that I do here at the paper.
JENNIFER: Jack, that doesn't make any sense
JACK: I know that. He's the one that said it.
EMILIO: Look, does everything gotta make sense
for you to believe it, huh?
JACK: I think you better stop while you're
ahead. Remember that English is his second language.
JENNIFER: Alright, alright, forget it, forget
it. What time? Bowling, what time do you want me to meet you?
EMILIO: Um, are you going to be around a little
JENNIFER: Yeah, I'm going to be in all day.
EMILIO: Good. I got somewhere to go. I'll be back okay.
SCENE FOUR: JO FINDS STEVE
IN THE PARK. SHE NOTICES HIS STRANGE BEHAVIOR. SHE REMEMBERING WHAT
JACK SAID EARLIER, SHE QUESTIONS STEVE. STEVE IS SHORT WITH HER.
WHEN HE DISCOVERS THAT JACK HAS BEEN ASKING ABOUT HIM HE GETS UPSET;
HE KNOWS JACK IS UP TO NO GOOD.
SCENE FIVE: JACK GIVES EMILIO
A PUZZLED LOOK AS HE LEAVES. EMILIO GIVES JACK A THUMP AND JACK
JENNIFER: Alright Jack, what was that all about?
JENNIFER: Tell me now.
STEVE BARGES INTO THE OFFICE.
STEVE: Stop what you're doing Jackson. We're gotta talk.
JACK: Line forms to the right.
JENNIFER: I'll see you Jack.
JACK: Jennifer, Jennifer.
JENNIFER WALKS OUT LEAVING JACK VERY UNCOMFORTABLE
JACK: Well, make it fast. I'm a busy man.
STEVE: I got one thing to say to you Jack.
JACK: Can I quote you?
STEVE: (Pointing) You, you keep your face out
of my life, you hear me?
JACK: Oh, I thought it was going to be something different.
You always come in here speaking in tongues. Like that preaching went
to your head.
STEVE: I just talked to our mamma, so I know you've been snooping
around. You hear me?
STEVE GRABS JACK BY THE COLLAR.
JACK: I am wounded, you know that.
STEVE: Oh, are you? Do you ever stop to think
why that happens to you? Because you give what you get little brother.
JACK: What happened? Why are you so upset?
What did you scope? What did you do that got you so upset?
STEVE: Whatever it is, it's none of your business. You stay
out of it or you're going to be sorry. You hear me? You hear me this
STEVE LETS JACK GO AND STARTS TO WALK OUT.
STEVE TURNS BACK TO LOOK AT JACK.
JACK: I'm already sorry.
SCENE SIX: RECENTLY STEVE
HAS RECEIVED A PARCEL CONTAINING A BOTTLE OF WINE FROM AN ITALIAN
VINEYARD CALLED TOSCANO. THE GIFT GREATLY UPSET HIM AND KAYLA,
HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL AFTER THE CAR ACCIDENT, WAS SURPRISED TO
SEE HIM SO DEFENSIVE. HE DELIBERATELY DROPPED THE BOTTLE AND BROKE
IT. KAYLA BOUGHT A BOOK ON WINE AND LOOKED UP THE VINEYARD WHICH
ALSO UPSET STEVE. SHE IS STILL IN THE HOSPITAL AND IS WAITING FOR
STEVE TO ARRIVE. "MARINA" VISITS HER AND NOTICES THE BOOK.
KAYLA TELLS HER SHE WONDERS WHAT WHERE STEVE IS, SHE WANTED HER
TO MEET HIM. SHE TELLS KAYLA SHE IS SURE SHE WILL BE MEETING STEVE.
SCENE SEVEN: JACK IS SITTING IN HIS OFFICE REFLECTING
ON STEVE'S VISIT WHEN JO ARRIVES.
JACK: No, don't tell me. You ran into Steve
in the park.
JO: How did you know that?
JACK: Just check me for his fingerprints or
check for the stretch marks on my suit.
JO: Why did you tell me about that article
JACK: I don't know what you're talking about.
JO: You were after something weren't you?
JACK: He's convinced you that I have a dark
JO: Don't you?
JACK: No. Maybe I want to help the guy. Maybe
I do have a sympathetic sensitive side.
JO: I know you do.
JACK: Thank you. As a matter of fact I am in the middle of
one of the most magnanimous self sacrificing projects of my entire
life. As we speak!
JACK LOOKS AT JENNIFER THROUGH THE BLINDS OF HIS OFFICE
DOOR. AS HE IS LOOKING THROUGH THEM THEY SNAP BACK ON HIM.
EMILIO ARRIVES AND SHOWS JENNIFER TWO TICKETS TO SHAKESPEARE IN
THE PARK. EMILIO SURPRISES JENNIFER BY TELLING HER HOW MUCH HE LOVES
JENNIFER: Oh, really, how many of the plays have you seen?
SCENE EIGHT: EMILIO AND JENNIFER ARE TALKING WHEN JACK COMES
OUT OF HIS OFFICE. JENNIFER ASKS EMILIO SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT SHAKESPEARE
AND JACK STANDS BEHIND HER TO SIGNAL EMILIO WITH THE RIGHT ANSWERS.
JACK IS ENJOYING THE WHOLE THING, EMILIO'S DISCOMFORT, AND
LACK OF SOPHISTICATION. AND SEEMS TO LOVE MANIPULATING EMILIO.
HE TRIES TO PLAY CYRANO, TO HELP EMILIO GET JENNIFER, BUT DEEP
DOWN HE WANTS JENNIFER FOR HIMSELF.
EMILIO: A few.
JENNIFER: Really. Which one's your favorite?
EMILIO: Well, er, my favorite would probably
be the one where, er, the two people, the guy and the girl are runnin
around singin' and then they run through this other thing and....
JACK: Titus Andronicus. No, no, no.
Coriolanus. No, don't tell me, King Henry.
EMILIO: That's it. Henry.
JENNIFER: Oh, really, which Henry?
JENNIFER: Well, Henry the Fourth or
is it the Fifth or is it the Sixth?
EMILIO: Ah, the Fourth.
JACK: Henry Part I or Henry Part
EMILIO: Who cares what Henry? They're all great.
Look I gotta get out of her and go to Wings to pick up my chick.
I mean my check. Ah, we're still on for Tuesday, right?
JENNIFER: Yeah, you bet.
EMILIO KISSES JENNIFER ON THE CHEEK.
EMILIO: I'll see you then.
JACK: "Once more unto the breech my friend!"
JENNIFER: I can't believe it. Emilio likes Shakespeare. It's
incredible. It's like there's a whole different person inside of him
that I never knew was there.
JACK RAISES HIS EYEBROWS AND NODS AS JENNIFER WALKS AWAY.
SCENE ONE: JACK IS TUTORING EMILIO ON THE
FINER POINTS OF SHAKESPEARE. AGAIN JACK IS REALLY ENJOYING BEING
THE ONE IN POWER, THROWING OUT VERBAL BARBS AT EMILIO, WHO IS
NOT ABLE TO GET THEM.
JACK: (Reading from the complete works of Shakespeare.)
What pray again. Ready, set, Thesius. Can you say that?
EMILIO: Thees, thiss.
JACK: It's only Greek, Emilio. The-si-us.
EMILIO: Thes.... Pass!
JACK: Clock's ticking!
EMILIO: What's the next question, okay?
JACK: The title of this play is?
EMILIO: Ah, Summer Dream.
JACK: A Mid-summer Night's Dream.
EMILIO: Okay, so I forgot the middle part.
JACK: Oberon is?
EMILIO: Fairy Queen.
JACK: King of the Fairies.
EMILIO: Okay, so there's too many damn fairies
around here. I don't know who's who.
JACK: I don't know Emilio. In a couple of hours
you're going to be in a park watching Shakespeare in the Park with
a young lady who is going to have some serious questions.
EMILIO: Okay, Deveraux. I'm ready. Throw me
another question cause I'm ready, I'm standin'.
JACK: Alright. Are we ready to concentrate?
EMILIO: Hey, it's all up here man. (Pointing
to his head.)
JACK: Okay, take it from the top.
JACK: Thesius, Duke of Athens, sets out on
a midsummer's day to marry whom?
EMILIO: The big chick, the fat one, the hippopotamus.
JACK: Huh, uh.
JENNIFER COMES IN AND OVERHEARS THEIR CONVERSATION.
JENNIFER: What are you two talking about?
JACK MAKES A FACE, THEN EMILIO, AND THEN THE LOOK AT EACH
SCENE TWO: JACK AND EMILIO ARE THROWN BY
JENNIFER INTERRUPTING THEM. THEY DO NOT WANT HER TO KNOW WHAT
THEY ARE UP TO AND TRY TO EVADE THE SUBJECT. JACK TRUSTS THE BOOK
AT EMILIO, CAUSING HIM TO GROAN.
JACK: Talking, whose talking?
JENNIFER: Sounds like hippopotamus.
EMILIO: You know it kinda did.
JACK AND EMILIO ARE HAVING A FUN TIME MAKING THINGS
UP. TRYING TO FOOL JENNIFER, BUT THE MORE THEY TRY THE MORE PREPOSTEROUS
THEY SOUND. FOR A CHANGE THEY ARE HILARIOUSLY IN SINK.
JACK: We were talking about animals. Big animals.
EMILIO: Like in the zoo.
JACK: We were talking about large farm animals
in the zoo.
JENNIFER: A hippopotamus is not a farm animal.
JACK: In Africa maybe.
EMILIO: Sure, in an African zoo.
JACK: Actually, I want to write an article
about large farm animals in African zoos.
JENNIFER: Jack, do I look stupid to you?
JACK: Well, actually no. You wear your IQ very
JENNIFER: An African zoo with very large farm
animals. Boy that sounds like frontpage news to me Jack.
EMILIO: You see you should do a story on that.
JENNIFER: Will you guys stop it? You guys are
making this all up.
JACK: Now wait a minute. My bodyguard and I
are having a serious conversation about the newspaper business.
JENNIFER: I know what you are talking about
and it's not the newspaper business.
JENNIFER: No and I don't appreciate it either.
JACK: Alright, we're not talking about large
EMILIO: Or zoos.
JACK: (Talking to Emilio)
I liked the part about Africa though.
JENNIFER: You know you guys make me feel like
I'm in high school, in a locker room.
JACK: Wait a minute. Hippopotamus makes you
think of a locker room?
JENNIFER: You were talking about girls and a fat chick who's
JACK AND EMILIO LOOK AT EACH OTHER.
JACK AND EMILIO: (Together) OOOOHHH!
EMILIO: Yeah she was really a hippo.
JACK: A hippie.
EMILIO: With long hair.
JACK: A flower child.
JENNIFER: You know some men never outgrow their juvenile mentality.
That's amazing. Excuse me. Some of us work around here.
JENNIFER WALKS OUT IN DISGUST. THEY BOTH ARE
GLAD TO HAVE JENNIFER LEAVE SO THEY CAN CONTINUE. JACK CONTINUES
TO *TRY* AND COACH EMILIO, BUT IT IS TO NO AVAIL. AGAIN JACK SEEMS
DETERMINED TO PLAY HENRY HIGGINS, WITH EMILIO HIS ELIZA DOOLITTLE,
BUT SIMILTANEOUS ALSO TRYING TO SABATOGE EMILIO AS WELL.
JACK: I didn't think you went to high school.
EMILIO: Deveraux, indulge me with some Shakespeare
JACK: Alright. For your information the part
of Hippopotamus tonight will be played by Hippolyta,
Queen of the Amazon.
EMILIO: I told you it was the big chick.
JACK: And Puck the fairy sprite....
EMILIO: Oh no, more of that.
JACK: ....who magically enchants Bottom....
EMILIO: Now Bottom I like.
JACK: Bottom is a buffoon.
No, he's a cool dude man. He's a lot like me.
JACK: Now that's is it.
EMILIO: What is?
JACK: (Loving that Emilio envisions himself
the fool Bottom) The character you identify with most, is half an
EMILIO: Well, who do you identify with most, Deveraux? (Lisping)
The fairy spirit!
SCENE THREE: AND GOES OUT
TO TELL JENNIFER THAT HE THINKS SHAKESPEARE IS GREAT BECAUSE YOU
GET TWO PLAYS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE. AS HE LEAVES JENNIFER IS A BIT
UNSURE OF GOING TO SHAKESPEARE WITH EMILIO.
SCENE FOUR: MEANWHILE NEIL
CURTIS HAS ASKED JO TO SHAKESPEARE WITH HIM. JUST AS THEY ARE ABOUT
TO LEAVE, NEIL IS CALLED TO WORK AND JO IS VERY DISAPPOINTED. HE
GIVES HER THE TICKETS AND TELLS HER TO GO WITHOUT HIM. JO GETS AN
SCENE FIVE: EMILIO STRUTS
INTO JACK'S OFFICE TRYING TO ACT COOL AND MACHO, SINGING TOM JONES.HE
IS WEARING A NEW OUTFIT THAT HE HAS BOUGHT TO WEAR TO THE PARK.
HE HAS ON BEIGE TROUSERS AND A STRIPED BUSINESS TYPE SHIRT THAT
IS UNDONE ALMOST TO HIS WAIST, HE LOOKS LIKE SOME LAS VEGAS SINGER,
A SLIMEY LOUNGE LIZARD.
EMILIO: Hey my man. Ready for the night, tonight.
JACK: After all our work, I can't see what
JACK: She's going to hate the way you're wearing
EMILIO: What, are you out of your mind? The
chick at the store practically attacked me.
JACK: Jennifer is not a chick. She's
going to say you're not cultured.
EMILIO: Well, what do you think I should do
JACK: Leave it to me. Turn around.
JACK PROCEEDS TO PULL OUT THE SHIRT AND LOOSEN IT.
EMILIO: Hey, what are you doin?
JACK: Turn around.
JACK PULLS SOME OF EMILIO'S SHIRT UP OUT OF THE FRONT
OF HIS PANTS.
EMILIO: Eh, Deveraux. Come on.
JACK: Now, button it up.
Ah, I'll button it up man. I'm hangin out all over the place.
JACK: That's good, good.
EMILIO: You know I don't even dress like this.
JACK: That's precisely the point. You can't
walk around with your macho hanging out. Jennifer won't got for
it. She.... she.... she's more the subtle type.
EMILIO: Alright, alright. Dig this. How do
JACK: Halfway to heaven.
EMILIO: You know I don't know Deveraux. I don't
feel comfortable with this kind of thing.
JACK: Oh no. I think it's pretty good.
JENNIFER BOUNCES INTO THE OFFICE.
JENNIFER: Emilio, are you ready to go?
EMILIO: Ah, yeah.
JENNIFER: Is that what you're wearing?
EMILIO: Yeah, how do you like it?
JENNIFER: (Somewhat hesitant) It's great, great.
JENNIFER: Okay. Bye Jack.
JACK: You kids have fun.
EMILIO: Come on Devy, you're a pal.
EMILIO GIVES JACK A HIGH FIVE WHICH REALLY HURTS JACK'S
JACK: Emilio. Watch out for those fairies, uh?
JACK WAVES GOOODBYE THEN BLOWS INTO HIS ACHING HAND.
JUST AS THEY LEAVE, JO ARRIVES TO SEE JACK.
JO: Hello Jack.
JACK: (Thinking about Jennifer and Emilio.)
Ah, hi, hi.
JO: Something wrong?
JACK: Wrong? No nothing's wrong. What can I
do for you?
JO: I know how busy you are and I know you
probably have plans tonight....
JACK: Jo, spit it out please, please.
JO: Well I have two tickets for Shakespeare
in the Park and I was wondering....
JACK: (Interrupting) I would love to
go to Shakespeare in the Park with you.
JO: (In shock, and pleased) You would. You
JACK: (Jack sees this as an oppurtunity to
spy on Jennifer and Emilio and see how his experiment is working.)
Oh yes. There is nothing I'd rather do than see Midsummer
Night's Dream with my mother! What a better way to spend
the night. Oh yes! These are good seats aren't they?
WALKING OUT ARM-IN-ARM.
JO: Oh, yes. I'm sure. Dr. Curtis got them.
SCENE FIVE: LATER AT THE PARK, EMILIO AND JENNIFER ARE WATCHING
THE PLAY AND EMILIO PUTS HIS ARM AROUND JENNIFER. [OFF CAMERA
YOU CAN HEAR PART OF THE PLAY, AND IT IS DEFINITELY MATTHEW'S
VOICE IN THE ROLE OF PUCK VERY APPROPRIATE.]
PUCK: (In an artificial voice)
On the ground
To your eye,
Gentle lover, remedy.
When thou wakest,
In the sight
Of thy former lady's eye:
And the country proverb known,
That every man should take his own,
In your waking shall be shown:
Jack shall have Jill;
Nought shall go ill;
The man shall have his mare again, and all shall be well.
JENNIFER: What are you doing here Jack?
SCENE SIX: AT INTERMISSION, JENNIFER OFFERS TO LEAVE IF EMILIO
IS BORED BUT HE SAYS HE WANTS TO STAY. HE GOES FOR DRINKS. SHE
WONDERS WHY HE IS GONE SO WEIRD ON HER. AFTER EMILIO HAS GONE
SHE TURNS AROUND TO SEE JACK SITTING A ROW BEHIND. HE CASUALLY
JACK: What do you think? I'm watching Shakespeare
in the Park.
JENNIFER: No you're not. You're here and you're
spying on me and Emilio, that's what you're doing.
JACK: (Not wanting to let on he came with Jo.)
Oh contrare! I'm here on a date.
JENNIFER: Oh, where is she?
JACK: Well, she's in the little wench's room.
JENNIFER: (Not believing Jack about a date) Oh, how convenient
JO: I'm back! Hello Jennifer.
JENNIFER: Hi, Mrs. Johnson. (Grinning) Sorry, Jack, it was
JACK LOOKS SUITABLY EMBARRASSED.
JACK: Anytime! (To himself) "Oh what a fool these mortals
be." (To Jo) Well I think that's it's time go home and write
JO: Son, the play's not over.
JACK: Believe me, I know how it ends! This
JO: But my tickets.
SCENE SEVEN: WHILE JENNIFER IS WAITING, SANTOS COMES UP AND
THREATENS HER BECAUSE SHE DID NOT KEEP EMILIO AWAY FROM
JACK. SHE IS VERY SCARED, BUT EMILIO CHASES SANTOS AWAY.