SCENE ONE: JENNIFER IS STILL ON THE LEDGE AND JACK IS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO RESCUE HER. HE THINKS SHE IS UNCONSCIOUS, AND SERIOUSLY INJURED; HE IS VERY CONCERNED. JENNIFER IS ECSTATIC THAT JACK IS FINALLY BEING OPEN ABOUT HIS FEELINGS FOR HER, SO SHE CONTINUES TO PRETEND TO BE UNCONSCIOUS AND HURT.
JACK: Jennifer....Jennifer....That's all I want. I just.... I just wanted to talk to you. DAMN! I just....oh come on Jennifer, come on. Don't die on me. Don't die on me you here. You're not going to die. I need you. I need you. I mean I....whom am I going to argue with, huh? Look it just wouldn't be the same. It just wouldn't be....it just wouldn't be good.
JACK: That's right, it's Jack. I'm right up here. I'm right here.
JACK: I'm going to come and get you, alright.
JENNIFER: No, no.
JACK: I'll be right down.
JENNIFER: (Still milking it.) No, no, Jack, it's too dangerous.
JACK: Don't worry about that. I only care about you, okay.
JENNIFER: Wh....what did you say?
JACK: I said I only care....I don't care about anything else. All I care about is you! All I care about is you. I'm just going to make sure that you....
JENNIFER SUDDENLY STANDS UP AND JUMPS FOR JOY.
SCENE TWO: JENNIFER PRETENDED TO BE HURT TO GET JACK TO ADMIT HIS FEELINGS.
JENNIFER: I knew it Jack. I knew it all along. I knew you cared about me. I knew it Jack!
JACK: (STUNNED) You tricked me.
JENNIFER: What was it you were saying Jack? It was something about needing me wasn't it Jack? You care about me Jack and you can't deny it because I heard every word that you said.
JACK: (Flustered) I....I thought you were dead, or at least dying.
JENNIFER: I can't believe that I had to fall off a cliff for you to say you care about me. I mean not that I didn't know it before. I mean when you were doing all those mean, miserable, rotten things, you did them because you were falling for me and you were just trying not to show it.
JACK: Heheheh. Never underestimate the power of the well chosen word. Heheheheh!
JACK: You bought it didn't you? You thought I said every word. You thought I meant that.
JENNIFER: What are you talking about? If you think you're going to get out of this, you're....
JACK: No, no, no. You were lying down there like a squashed bug. I would have proposed marriage if I thought it would have gotten you up! I would have proposed season's tickets to the Cubs! I just....I just said the first thing that popped into my mind.
JENNIFER: No you didn't Jack. You said what was in your heart. And if I wasn't standing here half naked on the ledge in the middle of nowhere, this would be the happiest day of my life. Now please get me out of here!
JACK: It will be my pleasure. Ah....I'll be gone for a minute. Don't go anywhere.
JACK HAS LEFT.
JENNIFER: That's very funny Jack, that....JACK, JACK!
HE HAS DISAPPEARED FROM HER SIGHT BUT HE POPS HIS HEAD BACK OVER THE EDGE AGAIN.
JACK: What's the matter? You bust a nail?
JENNIFER: Where are you going?
JACK: Do I have to remind you, I don't exactly have the (Another Jack double-entendre) equipment to haul you out of here. Don't say anything!
JENNIFER: Alright Jack, then don't just stand there. And get me something to wear Jack, okay. Don't forget.
JACK LEAVES. SHE SITS DOWN ON THE LEDGE AND DANGLES HER FEET OVER THE EDGE AND SMILES.
JENNIFER: I knew he cared about me. I knew all along.
SCENE THREE: MEANWHILE EMILIO HAS NOW FIGURED OUT THAT JACK HIRED A FIRE TRUCK TO KIDNAP JENNIFER. HE GETS A LEAD AND TRIES TO TRACK DOWN THE DRIVER. MELISSA CONTINUES, *RELUCTANTLY*, TO HELP.
SCENE FOUR: JENNIFER IS STILL ON THE LEDGE WAITING FOR JACK. JACK HAS BEEN GONE FOR SOME TIME AND SHE IS GETTING ANXIOUS.
JENNIFER: Jack, what is taking you so long?
SHE STANDS UP AND BEGINS TO PACE.
JENNIFER: I know you wouldn't just leave me here. I know you wouldn't Jack. Alright, don't do this to me Jack. JACK!
JACK: Yeeeeeessssss! You called?
JACK HAS RETURNED AND IS WEARING GRAY PANTS AND A GRAY OPEN NECKED RALPH LAUREN OXFORD SHIRT WITH THE SLEEVES ROLLED UP. HE SITS ON TOP OF THE CLIFF TO TALK TO HER.
JENNIFER: Where were you? What took you so long?
JACK: Oh I figured I'd give you a little time to work on your suntan.
JENNIFER: You what?
JACK: Oh come on, I was picking out your clothes. I was trying to decide between this one (Holding up a pair of jeans and a Jean shirt) and this one ( Holding up an short apricot colored strapless leather dress) and I realized, what am I doing. I'll let you decide. So I found this nice little pair of pants and this shirt and little belt. They all seem to go together....
JENNIFER: That's good. That's good Jack. Throw that down.
JACK: But then, then, I came on this fabulous leather dress.
JENNIFER: That's very cute Jack.
JACK: (Teasing her) Really? Okay the leather it is.
JENNIFER: No, don't you dare Jack. Throw me the shirt and the pants.
JACK: But what about the leather, this....
JENNIFER: Jack for the last time, the shirt and the pants.
JACK: It's your choice.
HE DROPS THE SHIRT AND PANTS TO HER BUT DELIBERATELY THROWS THEM SO FAR OUT THAT THEY MISS THE LEDGE AND FALL RIGHT TO GROUND BELOW.
JACK: Now what did you do that for? I throw it right to you, why didn't you get it?
JENNIFER: You threw it too far away.
JACK: It was inch from your nose. Now look what you did.
JENNIFER: What I did?
JACK: Well you know it's just a good thing that we still have this one!
HE HOLDS UP THE APRICOT STRAPLESS LEATHER DRESS.
JENNIFER: You did that on purpose. I know you did Jack.
JACK: Just try to catch it this time.
HE DROPS IT RIGHT ON HER FACE.
JENNIFER: Thanks....Jack. What about....
JACK: Oh yes. A clean change in case you're in a car accident, of course. Ah you're welcome.
HE DROPS A SMALL BAG TO HER. SHE TRIES TO DRESS WITHOUT DROPPING THE TOWEL.JACK: What?
JENNIFER: Turn around Jack.
JACK: Oh, of course, of course, of course.
HE HALF TURNS AROUND BUT PEEKS AS SHE IS GETTING DRESSED.
SCENE FIVE: JENNIFER HAS JUST FINISED DRESSING.
JENNIFER: This is crazy. I hate this.
JACK: Excuse me, did you say something?
JENNIFER: Jack if you peek you will not make it back to Salem alive.
JACK: Okay, okay, just go about you're business. Just go ahead.
HE SNEAKS ANOTHER QUICK PEEK.
JACK: Are we dressed yet?
JENNIFER IS STANDING IN THE DRESS WHICH IS VERY SHORT AND HAS A LACE UP PANEL IN THE FRONT.
JENNIFER: Well yeah, I'm dressed if I'm going to a disco but not for here.
JACK: Can I turn around?
JENNIFER: Yeah, go ahead Jack.
JACK: Good. Oh now, you look....you look niiicce! I don't know what you're so disgusted about. Cause I never know what you're disgusted about.
JENNIFER: Look Jack the last thing I care about is what I look like, okay. I just want to get out of this place. When is help going to get here?
JACK: Ah....it's here!
JACK: Yeah me, what did you expect, the Mounties?
JENNIFER: Jack why didn't you call the Park Rangers? Or did they get eaten by the bears too?
JACK: Hey, if you want to talk to me like that, I won't help you.
JENNIFER: Okay, fine, don't, I will wait for some real help to come get me Jack.
JACK: Okay fine. I'll go over to the cabin and I'll tuck into some of that lunch that I brought for us.
JENNIFER: What lunch?
JACK: Well....it's nothing special. But then again, some people probably consider caviar and champagne for a picnic special. I don't. You know you never have....you know when you take caviar and you plop it on a hard boiled egg, maybe a cracker, and just kind of pop it into your mouth. Hmmm.....mmmmm.....mmm......mmm.......mmm.....mmmm. Then a cold breast....
JENNIFER GIVES JACK A LOOK, BECAUSE OF THAT REMARK.
JACK (CONT.): ....of chicken breast.
JACK: You know, Chicken Rosemary, you know the way the chef makes it at Wings.
JENNIFER'S MOUTH IS WATERING. THE FOOD SOUNDS TOO APPEALING.
JENNIFER: Oh yeah, I love that.
JACK: Hmmmm....mmmm. A little potato salad, some paté.
JACK: And some champagne of course, some raspberries for dessert. Oh and some luscious chocolate cake....
JENNIFER: Alright Jack! Jack I can't take it any more.
JACK: Need a hand?
HE EXTENDS HIS HAND DOWN TO HER.JENNIFER REACHES HER HAND UP TO HIS AND SMILES.
THE CAMERA PANS UP TO SHOW THEM REACHING FOR EACH OTHER'S HANDS; IT IS SOMEWHAT LIKE MICHEALANGELO'S FRESCO ON THE CEILING OF THE SISTINE CHAPEL OF ADAM AND GOD. BOTH JACK AND JENNIFER ARE SMILING AT THE OTHER. THERE IS A SPACE BETWEEN EACH OF THEIR HANDS, BUT IT IS ALMOST METAPHORICAL, THEY *ARE* GETTING CLOSER.
SCENE SIX: JENNIFER IS READY TO GET OFF THE LEDGE AND BE WITH JACK.
JENNIFER: So Jack, I suppose that you have a way of getting me out of here, right?
JACK: Do I detect a note of doubt?
JENNIFER: Doubt, no, no. If you can get me out of this, please do.
JACK: I certainly will. Alright, I'm going to get my little rope which is actually a bedspread.
JACK: And make sure it's tied tight around this tree.
JACK: And take the end, put it up over the edge, down to you and you'll be out in....
JENNIFER: I got.....
JACK: ....no time.
THE BEDSPREAD ONLY HANGS ABOUT ONE FOOT DOWN THE CLIFF FACE AND IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR JENNIFER TO REACH.
JENNIFER: That is the most stupidest, most ridiculous, inept, incompetent....
JACK: Watch it! I'm all you've got.
JENNIFER: Jack, call the Park Ranger right now. Call him here.
JACK: I don't want to call any Park Ranger. We don't need....
JENNIFER: Jack we need help, okay. I don't want to be here anymore.
JACK: Look just relax. I don't know what it is about the woods that makes women panic. It must be the trees. Alright, okay, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll just save you again, okay. Here we go.
JENNIFER: What? What are you doing Jack?
JACK: I'm gonna....don't you worry. I'm gonna....
JENNIFER: Jack, Jack!
JACK: Okay I want you to give me your hand.
HE HOLDS ONTO THE BEDSPREAD AND LEANS DOWN THE CLIFF WITH HIS ARM OUTSTRETCHED.
JACK: Okay, come on give me your hand. Give me....give....stop slapping it, give me your hand.
HE WAVES HIS HAND DOWN TRYING TO REACH HER BUT THEY ARE JUST INCHES APART.
JENNIFER: Jack I can't reach.
JACK: Come on.
JACK: You can reach.
JENNIFER: This is no good Jack. I want to get out of here.
JACK: Alright, alright, we'll try another way, okay. Here we go. This time I want you to grab onto my leg.
JENNIFER: Jack what are you doing?
JACK: Don't worry I got everything well in hand here.
JACK LOWERS HIMSELF FEET FIRST DOWN THE CLIFF WHILE HOLDING ONTO THE BEDSPREAD.
JENNIFER: What do you want me to do, Jack?
JACK: I want you to grab it.
JENNIFER: Grab your leg?
JACK: My leg, right.
JENNIFER: Wait! Wait, wait, wait.
JACK: Coming down.
JACK: Tell me when you've got it.
JACK: Tell me when you've got it.
JENNIFER: Okay, okay.
SHE GRABS HIS FEET.
JACK: Wait a minute, I think that's my....
JENNIFER: Jack, wait, wait!
SHE BEGINS TO PULL HERSELF UP BY HIS PANTS UNTIL THEY START TO SLIP DOWN LEAVING JACK HANGING DOWN THE CLIFF IN HIS BOXERS.
JACK: No, wait, that's my....AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!
JACK SLIPS DOWN THE CLIFF, PUSHING JENNIFER TO THE GROUND. HE LANDS WITH HIS FACE STUCK IN HER CHEST.
JACK: (With an embarrassed smile) ....my pants!
JACK SITS UP WITH A BIG GRIN ON HIS FACE.
SCENE SEVEN: JACK HAS FALL DOWN ON THE LEDGE ONTOP OF JENNIFER, THEY STOP AND STARE AT EACH OTHER FOR A FEW SECONDS.
JACK: Ah....you seem to have caught me with my pants down.
JENNIFER: Do you have anymore bright ideas like your last one Jack?
JACK: Ah....I....I....yes, yes!
JACK STANDS UP WITH HIS PANTS STILL DOWN AROUND HIS ANKLES.
JACK: Okay I want you to get up and get over here.
JENNIFER: Jack what are you doing?
JACK: Oh okay, first things first. Okay.
HE PULLS UP HIS PANTS AND ZIPS HIS FLY.
JACK: Now I want you to get on my shoulders.
JACK: For once will you just do it and don't argue!
JENNIFER: I thought you liked it when I argued with you.....JACK!
HE BENDS DOWN AND PUTS HIS HEAD BETWEEN HER LEGS SO THAT HE CAN LIFT HER UP. HE STANDS UP WITH HER SITTING ON HIS SHOULDERS.
JACK: Heheheh! That's....ah....that's beside the point.
JENNIFER: Right. Okay Jack.
JACK: Now, come on.
JENNIFER: I sure hope you have something in mind.
JACK: Yeah. I was....I was hoping we could run away to the circus.
JACK: Now hold on.
JENNIFER: Alright....JACK, JACK!
JENNIFER: Watch it!
JACK: Watch it? You watch it. Look I'm not the one with the lousy balance. Hold on to something.
JENNIFER: Jack I'm trying to hold onto something and the only thing I have to hold onto is your hair.
SHE GRABS A CLUMP OF HAIR ON TOP OF HIS HEAD AND HOLDS IT TIGHT WITH BOTH HANDS.
JACK: Ooooh.....aaaarrrrgggghhhh! Okay....okay....just grab....will you just....look I'm not the one with the lousy balance here.
JENNIFER: What are you talking about? I have a terrific sense of balance if you would just keep me in the right position.
JACK: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh! Let me tell you something about the right position. It takes two!
HE GRABS HER LEGS ON EACH OF HIS SHOULDER AND PULLS THEM APART SO THEY ARE NOT STRANGLING HIM.
JACK: Just....hold onto something.
JENNIFER: Alright, I got the rope.
SHE MANAGES TO GRAB THE END OF THE BEDSPREAD.
JACK: Oh you do.
JENNIFER: Got it.
JACK: Great, great.
JACK: Okay, hold on.
JENNIFER: Jack wait, wait. Jack hold still.
JACK: Oh I am holding still.
JENNIFER: Here we go, okay, okay.
SHE BEGINS TO PULL HERSELF UP BY THE BEDSPREAD AS JACK GIVES HER A HOIST OF HIS SHOULDERS.
JENNIFER: JACK HOLD ME!
JACK: I got it.
JENNIFER: JACK, AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!
SHE PULLS ON THE BEDSPREAD AND THE WHOLE THING COMES UNTIED AND SHE FALLS BACKWARDS ONTO JACK PUSHING THEM BOTH TO THE GROUND. SHE ENDS UP LYING ON TOP OF HIM.
SHE HITS HIM AS SHE SPEAKS.
JENNIFER: You are the worst knot tier in the world. You tie the worst knots in the whole world Jack!
JACK: You know....I flunked the Cub Scouts. You better sue me.
JENNIFER: I wish I could. So what are we supposed to do now Jack. It's getting dark.
JACK: I know it's getting dark.
JENNIFER: So how are we supposed to get off off the ledge that you just landed us on?
JACK: I don't think we are going to get off this ledge, at least not tonight.
JENNIFER: You mean we have to wait here until morning?
JACK: Yes! You have to spend another whole night with me!
JENNIFER DOES NOT LOOK TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT THAT, NEITHER DOES JACK.
SCENE EIGHT: DARKNESS FALLS AND THEY ARE BOTH SITTING ON THE EDGE OF THE LEDGE WITH THEIR FEET DANGLING. JACK DECIDES TO SING.
JACK: Oh when the "Saints, go marching in, Oh when the Saints go marchingin...."HE IS CONDUCTING AS HE SINGS. HE IS TRYING TO GET JENNIFER TO REACT. SHE IS *NOT* AMUSED.
JENNIFER: You're not funny Jack.
JACK: Well you're not a lot of fun to be with yourself on a ledge in the middle of the night in the middle of the wood.
JENNIFER: Yeah, well if you would just admit how you felt in the first place, we wouldn't even be stuck here. This whole thing would never have happened and we would be in a restaurant somewhere having a very nice dinner for two.
JACK: Well look at the bright side. Things could be worse. You could be in the middle of a honeymoon with Emilio.
UP UNTIL HE MENTIONED "EMILIO" SHE HAD COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT HIM.
JENNIFER: Oh, Emilio!
JACK: Forgot about him, huh?
JENNIFER: Why do you hate Emilio so much?
JACK: What are you talking about? I don't hate Emilio. I....I just want you to be happy.
JENNIFER: Well let me clue you in on something Jack. I am not happy right now.
JACK: You know it's probably a lot warmer over on this side of the cliff. It's out of the wind
JENNIFER: I don't want to be anywhere near you right now.
SUDDENLY THEY HEAR A BEAR GROWLING.
JACK: What was that?
REMEMBERING JACK'S EARLIER JOKES, JENNIFER LAUGHS, BELIEVING IS THIS YET ANOTHER PART OF HIS SCHEMING.
JENNIFER: Very funny Jack. You know perfectly well what that was.
JACK: That was a bear!
JENNIFER: Oh right, right. Okay I'm going to take a nap now Jack.
JACK: Wait a minute, it's getting closer!
JENNIFER: Jack, that doesn't even sound like a bear.
JACK: Don't tell him that.
JENNIFER: Oh come on Jack.
JACK: Ah....oh I get it. You think I planned this whole thing. You think this is just another part of the tape machine.
JENNIFER: I don't think that you planned this whole thing Jack. I know that you planned this whole thing.
JACK: No, no, wait a minute, wait a minute. Think. Where? Where did you hear the bear sounds coming from last night? Where did you find the speakers?
SHE REALIZES IT IS A *REAL* BEAR, AND BECOMES WORRIED.
JENNIFER: Over there.
JACK: Over there, right. Where are the sounds coming from now? Over here! Speakers do not walk, not from there to over here.
THE GROWLING GETS LOUDER.
JENNIFER: Okay, so you're telling me that that's a real bear.
JACK: (A little concerned as well.) I'm telling you it wasn't me!
JENNIFER: That wasn't you?
JACK: It wasn't me.
SHE SCRAMBLES OVER RIGHT NEXT TO HIM.
JENNIFER: Oh Jack, I don't like this.
JACK: (Protectively) Listen, don't worry. I....I....ah....I'll take care of you. I mean I got you into this, I'll get you out of it. I....ah....promise.
JACK IS UNSURE IF HE CAN KEEP THAT PROMISE BUT WHEN THE BEAR GROWLS AGAIN, JENNIFER BURIES HER HEAD IN HIS SHOULDER.
SCENE NINE: SHE HAS FALLEN ASLEEP WITH HER HEAD IN HIS LAP. HE GENTLY, AND LOVINGLY PATS HER FOREHEAD.
JACK: You warm enough? (Beat) Jennifer?
SHE REMAINS ASLEEP BUT HE TALKS TO HER ANYWAY.
JACK: Look I'm sorry about all this. Really, I am. I mean I didn't mean for it to turn out like this....I just....I just couldn't let you get married to Emilio. You know that's just....ah....I mean I couldn't because you know deep down (Trying to get the words out) I....I....deep down I....deep down I lo....oh what the heck you know what I mean.
HE GENTLY STROKES HER FOREHEAD AND LOOKS AT HER SLEEPING FACE.