[Air date early August 1990]
SCENE ONE: JACK IS IN HIS OFFICE TALKING TO VERN ON THE PHONE.
VERN: Jack I'm downstairs with the video guys. They've solved your problem with that tape.
JACK: Well what are you waiting for? Get up here!
VERN: I'm on my way.
JACK BEGINS TO SING AND DANCE.
JACK: On his way, oh, her is on his way, bahbah da dum, the truth will out so hold no doubt, on his way....
JENNIFER WALKS IN BEHIND HIM.
JACK: Oh.... heeeey!
JENNIFER: Hi Jack. You're in a great mood.
JACK: Yeah. Hahahah. Yes, well I'm also on professional time. You know, professional, personal. I'm on....
JENNIFER: You know Jack, I vote for personal time. What say we go out for a nice long relaxing lunch?
JACK: Ah, I'm sorry. No can do. I am swamped beyond the ken of men or beast.
JENNIFER: Ah I see. Which explains your empty desk.
JACK: Currently empty desk. Currently. But I have a big story breaking and soon it will deposit itself upon the said empty desk.
JENNIFER: Jack, stop playing games and tell me whatever is going on behind my back because we both know that I will find out eventually anyway. What are you up to?
JACK: Jennifer, look, Jennifer, I....
JENNIFER: Don't start this Jack, alright. This isn't funny, this is serious. And okay, yes, we agreed to keep our business and personal lives separate but something else is going on and I want to know what it is.
JACK: Jennifer look at me. Look at me. This is me. The work me, compulsive, obsessive. You don't want to go out with him, the work me him. You want to go out with the other me, him. But he's not here right now. However you can check with the work me secretary and see if the other me can get together for lunch. And another day, maybe around dinner time....
JENNIFER: No Jack....
VERN WALKS UP AS JACK IS TRYING TO GET JENNIFER OUT OF THE OFFICE.
VERN: Jack.... ah Jennifer!
JACK: That's right it's Jennifer. Our old compatriots. It's always good to remember those who served with us in the trenches, Vern. It's the first rule of office management.
JENNIFER: Vern, can you tell me what's going on with him please?
VERN: Does anybody ever know?
JACK: Oh why bother! And after all that pseudo, psycho, sociology and psychology, why don't we who serve, salute! Salute Vern. See you later, say goodbye.
VERN DROPS THE TAPE JUST AS JACK PICKS UP HIS HAND AND HOLDS IT IN A SALUTE.
JENNIFER: Jack would you just.... Jack would you wait....
JACK SLAMS THE OFFICE DOOR SHUT WITH JENNIFER OUTSIDE.
JENNIFER: Okay Jack if that's what you want.
JENNIFER WALKS OFF. INSIDE THE OFFICE, JACK IS LEANING AGAINST THE DOOR AND IS RELIEVED THAT JENNIFER HAS GONE.
VERN: Geez Jack you are outrageous.
JACK: Give me the tape. Thank you.
VERN: You know, you really hurt that girl. You know that. Did you see the look on her face?
JACK: Vern, it doesn't matter. I know what I'm doing. I'm keeping an eye out for her. You know her. You know she can get into trouble.
VERN: Oh I know her. I know you too Jack. I also know that this little professional competition is getting out of hand.
JACK: Vern, we do this all the time. I keep her on her toes and she likes it. It's our way of being affectionate.
VERN: Well I guess I didn't see how much fun she was having.
JACK: Vern, ours is a very unusual relationship.
VERN: Oh is that right.
JACK: That's right. Look, competition is healthy. Helps you keep your edges sharp. She wouldn't want to lose that anymore than I would. And this little tape here is a perfect example. She's working so hard to keep this from me that I know it's a big story, a major headline.
VERN: Well what are you waiting for, why aren't you popping it into a VCR?
JACK: Okay, I want.... wait a minute. Here, where the walls have ears? No, I'm taking this home. For home viewing only. Tippy top secret. I just hope that you can keep your mouth shut about this one.
VERN: Look Jack whatever I....JACK: Vern, I only hope that you can keep my secrets away from Jennifer better than you kept Jennifer's secrets away from me. Because if you do and she doesn't find out about this, and you're going to like this part, it's going to be all quiet on the Midwestern front.
SCENE TWO: JENNIFER GOES BACK TO THE TAPE LIBRARY AND IS LOOKING FOR THE TAPE. SHE NOTICES THE SHELL RING ON HER FINGER AND DAYDREAMS ABOUT THE TIME ON THE ISLAND WHEN JACK GAVE IT TO HER. THEN SHE REMEMBERS THAT SHE MUST KEEP HER PROFESSIONAL TIME SEPARATE AND GOES BACK TO LOOKING FOR THE TAPE. MADELINE WALKS IN AND IS ANNOYED THAT JENNIFER IS USING THE TAPE ROOM. SHE TELLS JENNIFER THAT EVERY TIME SHE TURNS AROUND EITHER SHE OR JACK IS IN THERE. JENNIFER REALIZES THAT JACK WAS THERE ALONE AND SHE DECIDES THAT THIS IS NOW PERSONAL.
SCENE THREE: SHE GOES OVER TO SEE JACK WHO IS AT HOME IN HIS BEDROOM. HE HAS JUST PUT THE TAPE IN THE VCR WHEN HE HEARS HER VOICE TALKING TO SHELDON. HE QUICKLY EJECTS IT AND RUNS TO HIDE IT UNDER THE MATTRESS.
JACK: She must be back from the studio. Shoot.
JENNIFER: No Sheldon, it's alright, we don't need anything.
JACK: No it's not alright.
JENNIFER COMES IN THE BEDROOM.
JENNIFER: We don't need a thing. Do we Jack?
JACK: Aaaaah, no I don't need anything including.... interruption.
JACK IS SITTING CROSS LEGGED, IN THE LOTUS POSITION, ON THE BED.
JENNIFER: Sorry were you in the middle of something?
JACK: Hmmmm, yes, yes, I'm in the middle you know of working on my spiritual growth.
JACK BEGINS A BUDDHIST CHANT WHILE JENNIFER IS TALKING.
JENNIFER: Well I apologize for interrupting your spiritual growth. I mean it's really hard to keep it separate these days. I mean we have professional time, personal time and now we have spiritual growth time.
JACK: No problemmmmm. So Jennifer.... ommmmmm..... what are looking for? Anything in particular?
JENNIFER: Yes actually I was hoping you'd come right out and ask me because there is something that I came here looking for.
JENNIFER: Something that somebody has.
SHE CLIMBS ON THE BED AND SITS RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM.
JENNIFER: Something that I want.... very badly.
SHE PINCHES HIS CHEEKS AND PULLS HIS FACE TOWARDS HER.
JENNIFER: You do know why I'm here don't you Jack?
JACK: Ummmmmm. But why are any of us here? I mean what do you really want? What do any of us really want?
JENNIFER: What do I want really want?
JACK: Yes. What do you.....
JENNIFER: This Jack!
SHE GRABS HIM AND PUSHES HIM BACK WITH HIS HEAD AT THE FOOT OF THE BED.
JENNIFER: And that's just for starters!
SHE ROLLS ON TOP OF HIM AND STARTS TO KISS HIM PASSIONATELY. JACK CONTINUES TO KISS HER BACK AS HE SITS UP.
JENNIFER: Have you figured out what I'm looking for yet?
JACK: I'm getting warm but I think that.....
JENNIFER LEANS UP AND KISSES HIM AGAIN.
JENNIFER: Think of it as a meditation.
JACK: Yes, but Jennifer you see the goal of this thing is to reach Nirvana and if we keep going....
SHE KISSES HIM AGAIN.
JENNIFER: Enlightenment made easy.
JACK: I tell you what, all this transcendental experience is very exciting but you know something, I am out of time. I have to get back to my professional mode. You know, professional. I got to go get....
SHE PUSHES HIM BACK ON THE BED.
JACK: Wait a minute, Jennifer....
JENNIFER: Couldn't you just wait a minute?
JENNIFER: I mean now that you have the perfect combination of personal.... (Kiss)
JACK: Huh, uh.
JENNIFER: And spiritual.... (Kiss)
JACK: Huh, uh.
JENNIFER: I mean maybe you could work more on the meditation and make it easy by combining the two.... (Kiss) What do you think?
JACK: I think.... I think that I...
SHE KISSES HIM. THE SCENE FADES TO BLACK.
SCENE FOUR: IT IS A WHILE LATER AND JACK IS NOW ASLEEP. HE IS SNORING LOUDLY AND JENNIFER LIFTS HIS ARM AND LETS IT DROP TO CHECK THAT HE IS REALLY ASLEEP. SHE IS DRESSED IN HIS ROBE. SHE PINCHES HIS NOSE TO STOP HIM SNORING FOR A WHILE.WHEN SHE IS SURE HE IS ASLEEP, SHE SNEAKS OUT OF BED AND GETS THE VIDEO THAT HE HID UNDER THE MATTRESS. SHE PUTS IT IN THE VCR AND BEGINS TO WATCH IT WITH THE SOUND TURNED DOWN VERY LOW.
JENNIFER: Okay Jack. Here we go.
HOWEVER JACK IS NOT ASLEEP AND HE KEEPS ONE EYE ON WHAT SHE IS DOING. THE TAPE DISCLOSES THE FULL DETAILS OF THE MARRIAGE PACT AND JENNIFER REALIZES THAT IS WHY CARLY/KATERINA IS RUNNING AWAY.
JENNIFER: Oh my Katerina. That's it. That's the whole reason you're running away. That's still the reason you're running away.
JACK: What, what, what, what. Who's running away? Who's running away from what and you tell me right now, who's Katerina Von Leuschner and what do you have to do with her?