oldEpisode One-hundred-ninety-four: The Lady
SCENE ONE: JACK IS IN AN ALLEY IN NEW YORK CITY, INSIDE A PUBLIC PHONE BOOTH TRYING TO LOCATE JENNIFER AND WARNER'S HOTEL. A GUY IS BANGING A QUARTER ON THE GLASS TRYING TO GET JACK TO GET OFF THE PHONE.
JACK: Buzz off, Bozo! When in Rome.... yes hello, hi. I'm looking for a Mr. Warner Bayer and.... yeah I'll wait.... alright.... oh not registered here. Well thank you, thank you. Fifty seven down, nine hundred and ninety six to go.
THE GUY STARTS BANGING AGAIN AND JACK DOES THE SAME THING BACK.
JACK: Aaaaah got your big apple right here!
MAN: (With a stereotypical Brooklyn accent) Open up.
JACK: Open this! Hello, I'm trying to get a hold of a Mr. Warner Bayer please.
MAN ON PHONE: May I ask who's calling? Mr. Bayer has requested that all of his calls be carefully screened.
JACK IMMEDIATELY KNOWS THAT WARNER IS STAYING AT THIS LATEST HOTEL AND HE MAKES A CRACKLING NOISE AND HANGS UP.
JACK: CCCRRRRR.... I can't.... CCCCCRRRRR.... I can't hear you.... CCCCCRRRRR. YES I FOUND YOU, YES! HAH! YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT NOW.
THE GUY OUTSIDE THE PHONE THINKS JACK IS TALKING TO HIM AND DRAGS HIM OUT.
MAN: I've had it with you pal. What are you going to do about it, huh? Now that we're up front, face to face, personal.
JACK: I was just referring to the phone system in this fair city. No problem with the fair city and in fact I really appreciate all your patience. You've been more than kind.
MAN: Hey, hit the road Jack.
HE THROWS JACK TO THE GROUND. JACK GETS UP AND STARTS TO RUN AWAY.
JACK: We're not in Kansas anymore.
JACK HEARS THE GUY TALKING ON THE PHONE BUT THINKS IT IS MEANT FOR HIM.
MAN: What are you talking about? I'm going to come over there and strangle you! Goodbye Ma.
JACK SCURRIES AWAY AS FAST AS HE CAN.
SCENE TWO: JENNIFER IS AWOKEN IN HER HOTEL ROOM BY WARNER KNOCKING. HE TELLS HER THAT THEY HAVE TO GET MOVING BECAUSE THEY HAVE SOME SHOPPING TO DO. SHE ASKS WHAT FOR AND HE TELLS HER THAT SHE NEEDS A NEW WARDROBE IF SHE IS TO BE ABLE TO PULL OFF THIS IMPERSONATION OF KATERINA. HE SAYS THAT THEY HAVE HALF A MILLION DOLLARS TO SPEND ON CLOTHES IN NEW YORK. JENNIFER IS SUDDENLY QUITE HAPPY TO GO OUT.
SCENE THREE: JACK ARRIVES AT THE HOTEL THAT WARNER AND JENNIFER ARE STAYING. HE WALKS UP TO THE RECEPTION DESK AND RINGS THE BELL TWICE.
JACK: Excuse me. I need to see Mr. Warner Bayer.
MANAGER: Your name please.
JACK: My.... name?
MANAGER: Yes, Mr. Bayer has issued explicit instructions that no one whose name isn't on this official list is to be admitted to see him. And your name is?
JACK LEANS OVER TO TRY AND READ THE LIST.
JACK: Very unusual.
MANAGER: I beg your pardon.
JACK: Very unusual. Fifteen consonants and long as your arm. So why don't you just let me.... check it out.
THE MANAGER HIDES THE LIST BEHIND HIS BACK.
MANAGER: Nice try buddy. But no way. There's the door, use it.
THE MANAGER WALKS AWAY AND JACK IS LEFT ALONE AT THE DESK.
JACK: Damn. So near and yet so far.
AT THAT MOMENT THE BELLBOY SEES AN OPPORTUNITY.
BELLBOY: Maybe nearer than you think.
JACK LEANS ON THE DESK TO LISTEN TO THE BELLBOY JUST AS JENNIFER AND WARNER GET OUT OF THE ELEVATOR BEHIND HIM. THEY DO NOT SEE HIM AND HE DOES NOT SEE THEM.
BELLBOY: Well, just how bad do you want to see this Bayer guy?
JACK: Bad enough to make it worth your while if you want to help me.BELLBOY: I want to help you.
SCENE FOUR: WARNER TAKES JENNIFER TO A JAPANESE RESTAURANT FOR DINNER. THEY BOTH HAVE SUSHI AND SASHIMI ON THEIR PLATES. JENNIFER IS VERY TIRED AND YAWNING. JENNIFER TELLS WARNER THAT SHE DOES NOT LIKE SUSHI AND TELLS HIM SHE IS HOMESICK. HE THINKS HER HOMESICKNESS IS BECAUSE SHE IS MISSING SOMEBODY AT HOME.
JENNIFER: Alright there is someone special. He's a man in Salem.
WARNER: Ah, are you in love with him?
JENNIFER: Yes. But things haven't really been working out between us lately and when I left things were still unresolved.
WARNER: Oh I should have thought that a woman with your attributes would have no problem hanging onto the man that she loved.
JENNIFER: Thank you Mr. Bayer but he's not just any man. He's very complicated.
WARNER: Ah, I see.
JENNIFER: You know I really thought we could have a future together, something really special but then all of a sudden he just backed out of the whole relationship.
WARNER: Really, did he say why?
JENNIFER: I can't believe I'm telling you all this.
WARNER: Besides being open with me there is obviously something there that you don't really understand.
JENNIFER: He told me he backed out of it because he doesn't want to hurt me. But I think there's more to it than that but I can't figure him out and I don't know what to do anymore.
WARNER: Is that why you decided to go through with this?
JENNIFER: Yes, that's part of the reason. I needed something to take my mind off of him.
JENNIFER THEN SAYS SHE WOULD LIKE TO GO BACK TO THE HOTEL.
SCENE FIVE: BACK AT THE HOTEL DESK, JACK IS ANXIOUS TO GET WARNER'S ROOM NUMBER.
BELLBOY: Hey, where's my money?
JACK: Where's my information?
BELLBOY: Hey look whose running the shots here. First you fork it over, then I give you the information.
JACK STARTS TO PEEL OFF NOTES. FIRST ONE, THEN TWO AND RELUCTANTLY A THIRD HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL.
JACK: You know something, this is highway robbery.
BELLBOY: Yeah, well you don't like the way we operate, take your patronage elsewhere.
JACK: No, no, no. Please, help me find the room number.
BELLBOY: I'm looking.
JACK: Could you look a little faster?
BELLBOY: Hey could you keep your shirt on. Who do I look like, Evelyn Wood?
AS THEY ARE TALKING, THE MANAGER GETS OUT OF THE ELEVATOR AND SEES THE MONEY. HE KNOWS IMMEDIATELY WHAT IS GOING ON. HE WALKS OVER AND INSTANTLY FIRES THE BELLBOY.
JACK: Hey, hey, wait a minute. What about my information?
BELLBOY: What about it? I can't give you what I don't got.
JACK: Then I demand a refund.
BELLBOY: Then take it up with the better business bureau.
MANAGER: (To Jack) Didn't I already ask you to leave today or would you like a police escort?
JACK: Oh no really, your hospitality is legendary.
JACK STARTS TO WALK OUT BUT HE OVERHEARS THEM SAYING THAT MRS. WARNER BAYER IS DUE TO ARRIVE THAT DAY. JACK GETS AN IDEA.
SCENE SIX: A SHORT TIME LATER, WE SEE A VERY LARGE WOMAN ENTER THE HOTEL LOBBY; SHE TURNS AND WE SHE THAT SHE IS IN FACT IT JACK. JACK IS IN THE HOTEL WEARING A BRIGHTLY COLORED DRESS WITH KNEE HI HOSE AND MATCHING PINK PUMPS. HE HAS A LONG CURLY BLACK WIG AND A LARGE PINK HAT AND BAG. HIS MAKE-UP IS PERFECT AND HE HAS ON GOLD EARRINGS. HE WALKS UP TO THE DESK AND RINGS THE BELL. JACK TRIES TO AFFECT THE SPEECH AND MANNERISMS OF AN ARISTOCRATIC WOMAN.
JACK: Excuse me, I'm Mrs. Warner Bayer. Please give me the key to my husband's room.
MANAGER: Yes ma'am I'll be happy to get it for you.
JACK: Please hurry, I can't wait to see my darling.... (Seeing Jennifer and Warner) WARNER!
HE RUNS AND HIDES BEHIND THE PLANTS. WARNER TELLS THE MANAGER THAT HIS WIFE WILL T BE ARRIVING TODAY. THE MANAGER TELLS WARNER THAT HIS WIFE WAS JUST HERE. HE SAYS SHE WAS A LARGE WOMAN. THEY ARE ALL CONFUSED BUT THEY CANNOT FIND THE STRANGE WOMAN. JENNIFER ALSO THINKS IT IS STRANGE.
SCENE SEVEN: MEANWHILE JACK HURRIES INTO THE BACK LANE CARRYING A SHOPPING BAG WITH HIS SUIT IN IT.
JACK: Look at this place. This place is a dump.
HE KICKS A TRASH CAN AND HURTS HIS FOOT; AN OLD BUM IS WATCHING HIM.
JACK: Ouch, ouch, what the hell's going on? I used to be so dignified.
BUM: I know precisely what you mean. I don't believe we've met madam, you are?
JACK: Jack Deveraux. Who the hell are you?
BUM: Oh allow me to introduce myself. The name's Peabody. Nigel Peabody, Professor Emeritus of Cambridge University.
JACK: As in England?
JACK: What the hell are you doing here?
NIGEL: Oh struggling to survive. Alas I've fallen on hard times.
JACK: Yeah, haven't we all.
NIGEL: I always say that in times of strife a touch of the grape helps ease a multitude of discomforts. Can I offer you a....
NIGEL OFFERS JACK A SIP FROM A DIRTY BOTTLE IN A BROWN PAPER BAG.
JACK: Ah thanks. I'm allergic to MD 20/20
NIGEL: Oh well you have my sympathy.
JACK: No, I'd like to just get out of this dress if you don't mind. Why do these pantyhose keep falling down the way they do.
JACK BENDS OVER TO PULL UP HIS HOSE AND NIGEL GIVES HIM A TAP ON THE BUTT.
NIGEL: Perhaps I can be of assistance?
JACK: AAAAAHHHH, no you can't unless you can point me in the direction of a money machine.
JACK: Money machine. I have something very important I need to do and it's going to require a lot of money and unfortunately I spent everything I've got on this stupid outfit.
A MUGGER WALKS UP TO JACK.
MAN: Sorry to hear that lady but if you don't mind I'd like to see that for myself.
THE STRANGER HOLDS UP WHAT APPEARS TO BE A GUN IN HIS POCKET.
MAN: What's it going to be, your purse or your life?
JACK: (Putting his hands to his face in contemplation, imitating Jack Benny) I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
MAN: Come on lady, I ain't go all day.
JACK: Look you don't understand, I just dropped a bundle on this purse and it's a Gucci and it matches my shoes.
MUGGER: You're breaking my heart, now turn over the bag.
JACK: Wait a minute.
MUGGER: Hey you're damn strong, now hand over the bag.JACK: NO! HELP, HELP! THEY STRUGGLE BUT THE GUY GETS THE PURSE.
SCENE EIGHT: BACK IN THE HOTEL, JENNIFER CALLS ALICE IN SALEM. SHE TRIES TO HIDE IT, BUT SHE IS OBVIOUSLY LONESOME AND DESPERATELY MISSES JACK; SHE TRIES TO HOLD BACK SOME TEARS.
JENNIFER: Grandma, hi.
ALICE: Jennifer, darling, so how are things going?
JENNIFER: Oh so far so good. You know I did a little shopping today.
ALICE: Oh good, I knew you wanted some new fall things. Well were you able to find any good things.
JENNIFER: Ah yes I guess you could say that. Ah.... you know I just wanted to ask you one thing. Have you seen Jack?
ALICE: (Sensing that Jennifer misses Jack) Yes. I saw him last night. I told him you were going away.
JENNIFER: Oh, ah, did you tell him where?
ALICE: No but maybe I should have?
JENNIFER: No, it's better this way, really.
ALICE: But you miss him. I can hear it in your voice.
JENNIFER: No, no.... I..... I just.... I just have a cold I think. You know I'd have to be crazy to miss a jerk like Jack.
ALICE: (Knowing she does not mean it) Yes darling. Well I want you take care of your cold so you can enjoy the rest of your trip.
JENNIFER: Yes I will. I'll be fine. Bye, bye.
JENNIFER HANGS UP AND TAKES OUT A PICTURE OF HER AND JACK.
JENNIFER: I'd have to be crazy to love you Jack.
SCENE NINE: BACK IN THE ALLEY, THE GUY IS STRUGGLING TO GET JACK'S BAG.
JACK: HELP, HELP.
MUGGER: You made me mad now. Officer, officer, he stole my mother's purse. (In the confusion he runs off with Jack's clothes and purse, which include wallet with his ID, money, and credit cards) Bye.
JACK: Hey wait a minute, that guy's a criminal. He just ran off with my Gucci purse and my bag of clothes. That's my Gucci purse.
POLICEMAN: Yeah, yeah and I bet it matches your shoes too. Wait, aren't you the guy that's trying to pass himself off as Mrs. Warner Bayer?
JACK: No, no, I can explain, I really can. You see my girlfriend... my girlfriend is impersonating a very rich and famous heiress and she.... she could be in enormous trouble even as we speak.
POLICEMAN: Beat it pal, huh, before I run you in.
JACK: Wait, what about my Gucci purse?
POLICEMAN: What about it?
JACK: Well it has everything I own in it. My ID, my credit cards, my....
POLICEMAN: Hey, the perp's long gone. Stuff happens, huh. Now have a good day and those really ain't your colors you know.
THE POLICEMAN LEAVES. JACK WALKS OVER THE KICKS THE DOOR OF THE PHONE BOOTH.
JACK: Those really ain't your colors. Aaaaaaaarrrrghhhh. I love New York.
HE SITS DOWN ON THE STEP WITH HIS KNEES UP UNDER HIS CHIN. HE GETS UP AND THINKS.JACK: This is a nightmare. Yeah, it's like I'm in a bad Neil Simon play and I can't figure out if I'm Jack Lemmon or Sandie Dennis (Referring to the movie The Out-of-Towners about a husband and wife, played by Lemmon and Dennis,who come to New York and everything goes wrong for them, much like what has happened to him.).
NIGEL THE BUM COMES OVER TO HIM.
NIGEL: Good evening madam, we meet again.
JACK: Oh I remember you, you're Nyquil....
NIGEL: Oh yes, Nigel. I'm so pleased that you remember me because after all we are virtual strangers.
JACK: Well it's good to see you because I think I'll be virtually relying on the kindness of strangers.
NIGEL: Oh you've had a little bit of bad luck too, heh? Well we better.... we better find you a place to sleep. You're welcome to share mine.
JACK: Oh wait a minute, let's get one thing straight right here. I am not what I appear to be.
NIGEL: Oh who of us is? I believe Rudyard Kipling once said....
JACK: No, no, you haven't got it right. Listen to this.... I'm a man.
JACK RIPS OFF HIS HAT AND WIG.
NIGEL: Nobody's perfect. (Another movie reference, this time to Some Like It Hot, where Lemmon hides in drag and is courted by a wealthy man, played by Joe E. Brown, believing Lemmon is a she; at the end of the movie Lemmon removes his wig, and the Brown character says the same thing.)
JACK: Heh.... look for a little while I have to get my thoughts together, for a little while.
NIGEL SETTLES DOWN ON AN OLD NEWSPAPER AND RELUCTANTLY JACK LIES DOWN NEXT TO HIM.
NIGEL: Goodnight.JACK: Yeah, goodnight. Goodnight Miss Horton wherever you are. (Another allusion, this time to Jimmy Durante, who ended his show by saying "Goodnight Mrs. Calabash," etc.) You owe me now. You owe me now.
SCENE TEN: JENNIFER IS RESTLESS AND SHE DECIDES TO TAKE A WALK. SHE IS WALKING THROUGH THE LANE WHEN SHE SEES THE TWO HOMELESS PEOPLE ASLEEP ON NEWSPAPER.
JENNIFER: Excuse me miss, are you okay. Miss I just wanted to make sure. Did someone rob you?
JENNIFER LIFTS THE BRIM OF JACK'S HAT AND RECOGNIZES HIM.
JACK: Oh no, no.
JENNIFER: Jack what are you doing here?
JACK: I'm.... I'm taking a nap and this seemed like the best place to do it.
JENNIFER: Oh sure.
JACK: And now that we've talked about my New York vacation, how about we talk about your New York vacation.
JENNIFER: Okay Jack.
JACK: Seen any good New York plays yet?
JENNIFER: No I haven't. I last saw you in Salem. Now I don't know what you're doing in New York City in a dirty alley looking like this.
THEY BOTH LOOK DOWN AT HIS VERY PADDED BRA.
JACK: I can explain.
JENNIFER: Oh I can't wait to hear this Jack, go on.
JACK: Well it may take a while.
JENNIFER: Go on, I'm listening.
JACK: Ah.... have you met Nigel, wait a minute, my friend Nigel. Come on Nigel get up here. This is Nigel Peabody, Professor Emeritus from Oxford University.
NIGEL: Cambridge actually. I am very pleased to meet you. Would you care for a little drinkey?
JENNIFER: No. No thank you Nigel, not thank you. Jack tell me what....
JACK: Nigel has a million and one stories to tell you. Of course who wouldn't if you were teaching history for thirty years.
NIGEL: English literature actually.
JACK: What was that.... what was that poem that you were reciting a few hours earlier?
NIGEL: Oh when you told me to shut the hell up?
JACK: Ah.... yes.
JACK: (Trying to get Nigel to preoccupy Jennifer) Ah how did it go again? Ah... ah.... ah.... (Dramatically) Willows white and aspens quiver....
NIGEL: Little breezes dusk and shiver. But who has seen wave her hand or at the casement seen her stand, or is she known in all the land, the Lady of Shalott. Only reapers, reaping early in amongst the....
NIGEL CONTINUES TO RECITE THE LADY OF SHALOTT AS JACK AND JENNIFER ARGUE.
JACK: No, be quiet.
JENNIFER: No I'm not going to be quiet. Jack I don't want to hear this. I want him to SHUT UP so I can talk to you. I want to know what you're doing here Jack, I want to know why you're in New York City in a dirty alley. Tell him to shut up. And what are you doing in drag?
JACK: (Thinking it up as he goes along) Well that's very simple. I'm doing a story for The Spectator. The plight of the homeless woman.
JACK: What do you mean and? I'm drinking in reality here.
NIGEL OFFERS JACK ANOTHER DRINK.
JACK: No, no, no. I have to live it to be able to write about it.
NIGEL: Well shall I go on or shall I go to a meatier passage?
JACK: Oh please do.
JENNIFER: Thank you Nigel. I really don't want you to. You were the one impersonating Mrs. Bayer in the hotel this afternoon. The big woman that they were talking about weren't you?
JACK: Well I never. Well.... maybe once.
JENNIFER: I can't believe that you followed me to New York. I will never forgive you for this Jack. Never, never.
JACK: Jennifer, wait a minute, Jennifer, Jennifer. Listen, I'm sorry. This really did happen. I was really robbed. I was, I was mugged. There was a whole army of them. They took my purse. It was a Gucci. It had my.... my money, my ID, my credit cards, my lipstick, compact.
JENNIFER: Oh what are you saying? Are you asking me for a loan?
JACK: Well if you're not going to give me lipstick and compact, I'd like a loan, yes.
JENNIFER: I'll give you exactly what you deserve after everything you've given me this past year.
JENNIFER REACHES UP AND TWISTS JACK'S BRA STRAP.
JACK: OUCH! Wait a minute, wait a minute.
JENNIFER: Jack, let go of me.
JACK: No, not until we've had a couple of carefully chosen words. You're not the only one that's upset you know.
JENNIFER: No, I'm the only one who has the right to be upset.
JACK: Oh yes, you have the right to leave me in this dirty dark alley with the garbage and the rats, no offense Nigel.
JENNIFER: I want to know why you followed me here.
JACK: Well I would like to know why you said you were going to stop impersonating Katerina von Leuschner and then you didn't. YOU LIED TO ME!
JENNIFER: I don't owe you an explanation for every move I make Jack.
JACK: Oh, fine, then I don't owe you an explanation either. We're going to play this game by your rules.
JENNIFER: No, no, no, no, no, that's where you're wrong because these aren't my rules, they're your rules. You taught me how to trick people and manipulate others to get what I want, alright. I didn't want it this way, this was your choice.
JACK: No, no, no. This is not about relationships. This is not what this is about.
JENNIFER: Just a minute, this is exactly what it's about Jack, alright. Everything that happened to us on that island, we came so far and you want to pretend like it never happened. If we keep going backwards we're going to be back to the beginning, we're going to be strangers. Is that what you want?
JACK: What did you say your name was?
JENNIFER KICKS HIM IN THE SHINS.
JACK: OUCH! OUCH! THAT HURT. You know I came here to protect you. I did. To keep an eye on you. To protect you, that's what I'm doing right now. But now that the shoe's on the other foot, where did you get your shoes by the way, are you going to help me? Are you trying to help me? NO!
JENNIFER: Alright. You're in trouble, okay. I should help you. Alright, I will.
JACK: Good, good. I'll tell you what I need.
JENNIFER: No I'll tell you what I need, alright. Meet me at the Japanese restaurant on the corner in an hour and I'll see what I can do.
JACK: Wait a minute, I'm not meeting anybody on any corners, not dressed like this.
JENNIFER: If you want my help you will.
JACK: Jennifer I can't.... Jennifer I at least need a little touch up.
SHE WALKS OFF AND LEAVES HIM ALONE.
SCENE ELEVEN: AN HOUR LATER, JENNIFER IS SITTING AT A TABLE IN THE JAPANESE RESTAURANT WAITING FOR JACK. SHE IS SMILING TO HERSELF OVER HIS ANTICS. JACK COMES IN AND SEES HER.
MANAGER: May I help you.... Madam?
JACK: That's Sir. Stop looking.
MANAGER: Yes sir.
JACK: I know I'm not looking my best but this was a rush job and it's come as you are so I didn't wear my Holstens.
MANAGER: Yes sir.
JACK: I can find my own way, thank you.
JACK WALKS OVER TO JENNIFER.
JACK: Alright, don't look so pleased with yourself.
JENNIFER: I don't know what you mean Jack.
JACK NOTICES TWO GUYS AT THE BAR STARING AT HIM.
JACK: What are you looking at? Take a picture, it'll last longer. Haven't you seen a guy in pumps before?
HE SITS DOWN AT THE TABLE.
JACK: Alright, let's get down to the business of you helping me like you promised.
JENNIFER: Don't worry Jack, I've got it all right here for you.
SUDDENLY WARNER WALKS UP AND JACK PULLS DOWN HIS HAT AND PICKS UP A MENU TO HIDE BEHIND.WARNER: Well, this is an unexpected surprise.
JENNIFER: Ah, Mr. Bayer, I didn't expect you. Hello.
WARNER: Hello. Who is your friend?
JENNIFER: Oh actually she's not my friend. She's my aunt and she's here and she's visiting from.... Queens.
JACK: (Imitating a stereotypical Long Island accent) ....Long Eyeling.
JENNIFER: Long Island. I meant Long....
JACK: Queens.... Queens.
JENNIFER: You know what, aunty has houses in Queens and Long Island.
WARNER: Oh I see. Nobody is supposed to know that you're in the city.
JENNIFER: I understand that but you know what aunt.... Aunt Wanda, she wouldn't say anything. She wouldn't say a word to anybody.
WARNER: Well you see I was worried about you leaving the hotel alone but I see there was no need to. Would you mind if I joined you?
JENNIFER: Yes, yes. I mean I wouldn't mind if you joined us but we have family things to talk about. You know family things and they're very private.
JACK: Very private.
WARNER: I see, yes, well of course I'll see you later. I hope we meet again, Wanda.
JACK DEMURELY REACHES HIS HAND OVER THE TOP OF THE MENU TO SHAKE WARNER'S.
WARNER: Yes, goodbye.
JENNIFER: Goodbye Mr. Bayer.
JACK: Alright, what the hell you call me Wanda for? What's wrong with Amanda, or Jessica, Buffy, Jody or Uncle Bill (Another pop cultural reference, this time to the 60s TV show Family Affair).
JENNIFER: Listen Jack, those are definitely Wands!
SHE LOOKS AT HIS MASSIVE CHEST.
JACK: You're very funny, you know that. You're very very funny. Now why don't we get down to the business at hand. Traveler's aid.
JENNIFER: Alright, here.
JACK: What is.... what is this? Oh, a one way ticket back to Salem, you call that aid. You call that help.
JENNIFER: Oh well maybe you know how I felt when you gave me that ticket to New York Jack.
JACK: Oh, oh, this is great. Look I come all the way down here....
JENNIFER: Look Jack, I'm treating you a lot better than you treated me alright. Not only did I get you a ticket, I bought you clothes and I ordered you a limo which will be here in ten minutes for you. So goodbye.
JACK: Wait a minute, you're not going anywhere.
JENNIFER: What do you mean, I'm not going anywhere?
JACK: You understand. I came all the way here to help you, you're going to stay here and help me. Are you listening? I walked away from my newspaper, I walked away from my entire life for you.
JENNIFER: Okay, are you finished?
JACK: No, no, I am not finished. I would like to talk about our dinner plans. There in the hospital, we're talking about going to dinner. Meanwhile you're thinking about flying to New York. So I show up an hour later.... all dressed. All dressed with flowers, with delphiniums none the less, waiting for you. I would have been waiting there still if your grandparents hadn't come along and told me you had some kind of travel plans. Of course I'm not stupid, I know what that meant. How do you think it feels to stand there waiting for somebody? Don't you.... do you know how ridiculous I felt waiting for you when you never showed up?
JENNIFER: (Touched that he brought her flowers, but still angry so she does not admit it) How do I think it feels Jack? I know exactly how it feels.
JACK: I'm not trying to make you upset or anything.
JENNIFER: No listen Jack. I'm not upset. A month ago, yes I was upset, alright, now I'm angry. I know exactly how it feels to wait around for someone who's not going to show up and I know all about feeling like a fool because that's all I've done for the past year. I've let you use me and manipulate me and toss me aside when I got too close to you. So if you felt rejected the other night, multiply that by ten thousand times and then you'll know how I felt when you walked out on me after we made love.
JACK: (Feeling bad about having hurt her) Alright, I'm sorry, I know I hurt you but I know how that feels.
JENNIFER: No you don't! You don't know how it feels. You have no idea what it meant to me to be with you like that. If you did you never would have hurt me that way. I realized that we had problems but I really thought that we could get past them because no matter what happened I believed that you cared about me.
JACK: I did care about you. I still care about you.
JENNIFER: No you don't. Not enough.
JACK: Well I'm sorry. There's something you don't understand is that it's been hard on both sides. From the first day that we ran into each other in that office, to the ship, to the island, to that stupid alley out there, it has been one long hard road.
JENNIFER: I understand that Jack. I knew that going in. I was willing to give you time to deal with your feelings alright. But it didn't work out that way. I was wrong.
JACK: Well don't say I didn't warn you.
JENNIFER: Well you know I thought we had a chance. Even after Harper's died, I thought maybe we could have made it. I mean I was there for you to help you through the pain but you were determined to ruin what we had. And you did. So look at us now, we're in a Japanese restaurant, you're in drag and we're trying to mend fences that are far too broken.
JACK: Well I guess there is nothing I can say but maybe that's just as well. I always manage to say the wrong thing to you anyway.
JENNIFER: Well nothing you can say or do can change anything now Jack.
SHE PICKS UP HER BAG TO LEAVE BUT STOPS.
JENNIFER: When I was planning on leaving Salem and we were going to meet for dinner, did you really bring me flowers?
JACK: I brought you delphiniums.
JENNIFER: Right, well, the limo will be here for you soon. Goodbye Jack.
SHE WALKS OUT; JACK PICKS UP THE TICKET AND THE BAG.
SCENE ELEVEN: LATER JACK HAS CHANGED AND IS LEAVING THE RESTAURANT. HE WALKS OVER AND TOUCHES THE FLOWERS AT THE TABLE THEY SHARED. AS HE WALKS OUT THE DOOR THE MANGER DOES A DOUBLE TAKE.
MEAHWHILE JENNIFER WALKS HOME THROUGH THE ALLEY, NIGEL HANDS HER A BUNCH OF FLOWERS THAT ARE ALMOST DEAD. THE SONG TOWERBLOCK BEGINS TO PLAY.And I ask you, Where do we go from here?
All my life, I've been the one who's big and strong for everyone
Then you come along, a towerblock for me to lean on
And I ask you where do we go from here?
JENNIFER RETURNS TO HER HOTEL ROOM AND THROWS OUT THE FLOWERS. SHE GETS OUT THE PICTURE OF HER AND JACK AND SCREWS IT UP, THEN REGRETS THAT AND FLATTENS IT OUT AND SITS AT THE WINDOW THINKING OF HIM.HE STOPS THE LIMO THAT SHE ORDERED AND GETS OUT. HE WALKS TO THE TRASH AND THROWS OUT THE TICKET SHE GAVE HIM AND LOOKS UP AT THE HOTEL THINKING OF HER.You've got me so I'm crying like a kitten in your arms.
You've got me so I'm crawling like a tiger caged and bound.
And I ask you where do we go from here?
All my life, I've been the one who's big and strong for everyone
Then you come along, a towerblock for me to lean on
And I ask you where do we go from here?