oldEpisode Two-hundred-fifty-five: The Train
Disaster Part I: Jo Returns Jennifer's Ring.
The Trip Begins. Eve Has Stowed Away;
Jack and Jennifer Are Forced to Share a Bed.

[Air early March 1991]

 

SCENE ONE: JACK AND JENNIFER ARE AT THE PENTHOUSE, PACKING FOR THE TRAIN TRIP.

 

JENNIFER: You know what Jack, I really should get home and start packing my own things.
oldEp255A
JACK: Don't tell me. Hannibal and all his elephants took less baggage over the Alps than you plan to take on this one little train trip.

JENNIFER: Did Hannibal run out of floppy disks just like you would if I didn't bring these Jack?

JACK: Please don't try to be humble. I happen to know that you took three hairdryers with you on the cruise that defies description.

JENNIFER: Yeah, I had a back-up and a back-up for my back-up Jack. I am prepared for any eventuality.

JACK: Yes.... yes.

JENNIFER: You know you shouldn't be one to criticize. You know why, what's this?

JACK: It's a dictionary.

JENNIFER: Right, and then what's that?

JACK: Dictionary.

JENNIFER: And that's a dictionary. So you have three dictionaries, Jack.

JACK: Webster's, Funk and Wagnell's.

 

THE DOORBELL RINGS.

 

JACK: I happen to like to be able to pronounce the words I'm using.

JENNIFER: Oh you feel more comfortable when there's a wall of books surrounding you. Is that what you're saying?

 

THE DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN. THEY ARE HAVING TOO MUCH FUN ARGUING TO CARE.

 

JACK: Never seemed to bother you.

JENNIFER: What do you mean, bother me?

JACK: You like to mispronounce the words you're using.

JENNIFER: I mispronounce words that I use.

JACK: You just agreed with me!

 

JACK BEGINS TO WALK TOWARDS THE DOOR.

 

JENNIFER: That's not true Jack. Give me one example of words that I mispronounce because I don't....

 

JACK OPENS THE DOOR AND YELLS BACK A WORD.

 

JACK: Isthmus!

 

JO IS STANDING AT THE DOOR.

 

JACK: Isthmus! If you used the dictionary, the very dictionary that you've seen described, you would find that pronunciation of isthmus is not ithmus but iSthmus, not ithmus.

JENNIFER: Not "ithmus?"

JACK: Isthmus.

JENNIFER: When have I ever said "ithmus?" I don't even say that word. I don't even know what that means.

JACK: I don't know. Maybe at ithmus time, I don't know, when?

 

JO STARTS TO LAUGH. SHE IS ENJOYING SEEING THEM ARGUING, KNOWING THAT IT MEANS THAT THINGS ARE IMPROVING BETWEEN THEM.

 

JO: Isn't this just wonderful! The two of you arguing back and forth about something that nobody else in the world would understand. Oh it's so good to see you back together.

 

JACK LOOKS AT JO.

 

JO (CONT.): I never realized how much I missed this. The two of you bickering back and forth is music to my ears. I mean the two of you together....

JACK: Please, please, please. Before this little experimentation of music goes any further....

JENNIFER: I'm going to go home and pack my things.

JACK: Good, good. Ah Miss Horton, one more thing. Don't forget to call the plumber.

JENNIFER: Oh, for the kitchen sink!

 

JACK NODS.

 

JACK: Yes JENNIFER: Oh yes, that's not funny Jack. But you know what, if you need to borrow any of these floppy disks on the train, don't ask me to share. Oh, I'll see you at Wings. Don't forget your thethaurus!
oldEp255B
JACK: HEHEHEHEH.... HEHEH.

 

JENNIFER LEAVES AND SHUTS THE DOOR.

 

JO: Oh she sure is a match for you Jack.

JACK: By "match" you mean mate or spouse, you're barking up the wrong tree.

JO: Well whatever, it's good to see you being your old selves again.

JACK: Correction, Miss Horton and I are working together on a story. We've already explained that to you.

JO: Oh, you didn't explain that she's moving in with you.

JACK: Oh I'm sorry. You mean the luggage?

JO: Yes.

JACK: Oh, sorry for the misunderstanding. We're taking a trip together. A business trip. We're going to cover that train ride across country.

JO: Oh a train ride. Train rides are so romantic. You and Jennifer are going to have a wonder....

JACK: And Francoise.

JO: .... wonderful.... Frankie?

JACK: Yes.... he's.... he's going with us.

JO: Oh!

JACK: Oh? (Beat) Oh, as in, "oh now I understand?"

JO: Well it doesn't matter who's going along. The important thing is that you and Jennifer are getting back together. That's what's important.

JACK: You wouldn't consider quitting while you're ahead, would you?

JO: Never! And I don't throw things away either.

 

SHE REACHES IN HER POCKET AND TAKES OUT THE ENGAGEMENT RING.

 

JO: As a matter of fact, I thought you might want this back. (Beat) Go on, take it.

JACK: I think you've forgotten one small thing. I'm already a married man.

JO: Oh, no, that's only a matter of time. Come on, take it. It's not going to bite you. Come on.

 

JACK LOOKS VERY FRUSTRATED WITH HER BUT HAPPY TOO. HE GRABS THE RING.

 

JACK: You are impossible, you know that. You really are! (Beat) Alright, I gave you your chance to pawn this and make a little bit of money. If that's the way you want it, don't come crying to me later. I'm just accommodating you, that's all I'm doing.
oldEp255C
HE PUTS THE RING IN THE POCKET OF HIS SHIRT.

 

JO: Okay, anything, anything you say.

JACK: Let's just have it understood. Miss Horton and I are working just to get to the bottom of this story and that's all.

JO: Wait a minute, are you talking about Nick's murder? Are you still trying to find the killer, am I right about that?

JACK: Right as rain.

JO: Jack, wait a minute.

JACK: That's the name.

JO: Now you know how I feel about this.

JACK: Yes, and I'm sure I'm going to hear about it again.

JO: Look, I've lost one son through this miserable thing and I don't want to lose another one.

JACK: Please, please, please. You don't have to worry about a thing. Nothing's going to happen to anyone. Everyone's going to be alright. (Beat) Hopefully.

SCENE TWO: A SHORT TIME LATER JACK ARRIVES AT WINGS AT THE EXACT SAME TIME AS JENNIFER AND THEY BUMP INTO ONE ANOTHER AS THEY WALK IN.

 

JACK: Miss Horton.

JENNIFER: Hi. I'm surprised you made it here in one piece.

JACK: Why does that surprise you?

JENNIFER: Well you know when Jo gets an idea in her head....

JACK: Well it takes a stronger head to dissuade he . You have met that head.

 

HE POINTS TO HIS HEAD.

 

JENNIFER: Oh what did you tell her?

JACK: I told her the truth. That this is a business trip and that's all it is and that we understand that. Understood?

JENNIFER: Yeah, perfectly. I mean you couldn't me more concise than that.

JACK: Yes.

FRANKIE: Hello, everything okay here.

JENNIFER: Yeah fine.

JACK: Oh yes, everything's fine. Hunky Dory.

FRANKIE: Great, so are we ready?

JENNIFER: Yeah, luggage is in the car.

FRANKIE: Great.

JACK: Of course I think we're going to have to put a little more air in the tires however.

EVE: Heheh.

JENNIFER: I have my press kit here Frankie. I just want to tell you that the room we're going to be in is a....

JACK: It's a compartment. On trains we have compartments.

JENNIFER: Ah, well whatever it is we're going to be in, there's only one bed.

EVE: One bed?

JACK: One bed.

JENNIFER: That's what it says.

EVE: You and Frankie are sharing the same compartment Jennifer.

JACK: You know something, I have.... two beds in mine. (Beat) I've got the perfect solution.

 

HE TAKES JENNIFER'S TICKET FROM HER.

 

JACK: Two people.... two beds. There's symmetry there that amuses even me.

 

HE HANDS JENNIFER HIS DOUBLE TICKET AND KEEPS HERS FOR HIMSELF.

 

EVE: I agree. Whatever you said I agree.

FRANKIE: Great, then it's all settled.

JENNIFER: Right.

JACK: Right, well let's get this show on the road, metaphorically speaking. Ah, Honey Bunny.

EVE: Yes.

JACK: Don't miss me too much.

EVE: Oh, won't be a problem dear.

 

SHE SQUIRMS AWAY FROM HIS ARM.

 

JACK: Good.

JENNIFER: Excuse me. Goodbye Eve.

EVE: Goodbye, good luck.

JACK: Francoise.

 

JACK AND JENNIFER WALK OUT AND FRANKIE STAYS TO SAY GOODBYE TO EVE. THEY COME BACK TO GET HIM.

 

JACK: Oh Francoise!

 

FRANKIE LEAVES WITH THEM.

SCENE THREE: JACK AND JENNIFER ARRIVE AT THE TRAIN AND ARE GREETED BY THE TRIP ORGANIZER WHO WANTS TO SEE THEIR TICKETS. MELISSA IS ALREADY THERE AND IS ARGUING WITH BRIAN.

 

JACK: Hmmm, we come at a bad time.

WOMAN: Well, at least you two seem like a nice quiet couple. You're together aren't you?

oldEp255D
JENNIFER TURNS AROUND TO LOOK AT JACK.

 

JENNIFER: Ah, are we together, you mean me and him?

JACK: No, he and I.

JENNIFER: Him and I.

FRANKIE: I'm with the young lady.

 

JACK HALF GRINS.

 

WOMAN: Oh pardon me, it just looked as if....

FRANKIE: It's okay.

WOMAN: Never mind.

JACK: That's right, never mind.

WOMAN: The sleepers are down that way. You two are in 870A and the single gentleman is in 870B. Glad to have you with us.

JACK: Thank you.

 

JACK PICKS UP A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE AND WALKS OVER TO JENNIFER.

 

JACK: Well I think the single gentleman would like to get settled in. So why don't we go check out our rooms.

JENNIFER: No, no, it's a compartment when you're on the train.

JACK: Compartment!

JENNIFER: I'm going to go say hello to my cousin Melissa, first.

 

SHE WALKS OFF AND JACK WATCHES HER SHOWING JUST A HINT OF A SMILE AND ADMIRATION FOR HER.
oldEp255E

SCENE FOUR: A SHORT TIME LATER, AN EMPTY HANDED JACK WANDERS DOWN THE CARRIAGE LOOKING FOR HIS COMPARTMENT.

 

JACK: Oh here it is. Right here, right here.

 

JENNIFER TURNS THE CORNER AND IS CARRYING JACK'S LUGGAGE.

 

JENNIFER: Jack, could you wait for me?

JACK: What, say something.

 

JENNIFER HAS A LARGE SUITCASE AND ANOTHER SMALL BAG AND A TICKET IN HER MOUTH.

 

JACK: Oh here, give me that key. Thank you.

JENNIFER: Hurry up.

JACK: Very good. You ought to get a job doing this.

 

HE OPENS THE DOOR AND THEY BOTH LEAN IT BUT CANNOT FIT THROUGH THE DOOR. THEY JUST STARE.
oldEp255F
JACK: I've seen teacups bigger than this.

 

JENNIFER SQUEEZES IN WITH THE BAGS AND JACK FOLLOWS.

 

JACK: Well it's.... it's a good thing you and Francoise have a double.

JENNIFER: Guess what, I saw Frankie's.

JACK: What?

JENNIFER: It's the same size.

JACK: What, as mine? (Beat) Oh, well I suppose that you'll be reaching out and touching each other all night.

JENNIFER: Jack if I didn't know you were married to somebody else, I'd say you were jealous of his.

JACK: What.... his what, his room? No.

 

SUDDENLY THERE IS A KNOCK ON THE DOOR AND A WAITER PUSHES IN A TABLE SET WITH DINNER FOR TWO. JACK AND JENNIFER HAVE TO SIT DOWN AND LIFT THEIR LEGS TO GET THE TABLE INTO THE COMPARTMENT.
oldEp255G
JACK: Oh come in.... whoa! (Beat) Ah wait a minute, we didn't order room service.

JENNIFER: No.

JACK AND JENNIFER: Compartment service!

WAITER: Compliments of the road sir. All our couples are served in their compartments the first night on the road.

JACK: Oh well, we wouldn't want to look a gift meal in the mouth. I mean we put in the mouth, I guess.

 

THE WAITER UNFOLDS A NAPKIN FOR JENNIFER AND PUTS IT ON HER LAP BUT WHEN HE TRIES TO DO THE SAME FOR JACK, JACK STOPS HIM.

 

JENNIFER: Oh, thank you.

JACK: Ah, can't touch this. Heheheh. Yeah.

 

THE WAITER LIGHTS A CANDLE AT THE END OF THE TABLE.

 

WAITER: Bon appetite.

JACK: Thanks.

 

THE WAITER LEAVES AND JACK AND JENNIFER ARE LEFT ALONE SITTING OPPOSITE EACH OTHER OVER DINNER IN A SMALL TRAIN COMPARTMENT.

 

JACK: Well as the spade said to the shovel, dig in.

 

THE TRAIN STARTS TO MOVE AWAY FROM THE STATION JUST AS THEY ARE ABOUT TO EAT. THE TRAIN ROCKS AND VIBRATES AND JACK FINDS IT HARD TO GET HIS FORK TO HIS MOUTH.
oldEp255H
JACK: It's.... the food's good.

JENNIFER: It is good.

JACK: I mean, for a train, you know.

JENNIFER: I think it's better than an airplane actually, the food.

 

THEY ARE BOTH TRYING NOT TO LAUGH.

 

JACK: Well, not much.... I mean....

JENNIFER: Well....

JACK: Well, I mean, as much as it moves, you know. (Beat) I think I'll have some salt. If I....

 

HE PUTS OUT HIS HAND TO TOUCH THE SALT JUST AS JENNIFER DOES TOO.

 

JENNIFER: Ah you can use it.

JACK: Ah, it's your blood pressure, I mean, you....


SCENE FIVE: IN THE NEXT COMPARTMENT, FRANKIE HAS MOVED IN AND FOUND EVE HIDING THERE. SHE COULD NOT STAND FOR THE THREE OF THEM TO GO WITHOUT HER. FRANKIE COMES UP WITH A PLAN TO KEEP HER HIDDEN.

SCENE SIX: JACK AND JENNIFER ARE EATING IN JACK'S COMPARTMENT. FRANKIE KNOCKS ON THE DOOR AND THEN JUST WALKS ENTERS.

 

FRANKIE: Sorry guys but I think I.... I think.... I think I have a problem.

 

FRANKIE SNEEZES SO HARD THAT HE BLOWS OUT THE CANDLE ON THEIR DINNER TABLE. JACK RECOILS IN HORROR.

 

JACK: NO!

 

HE HOLDS HIS NAPKIN OVER HIS NOSE AND MOUTH.

 

JENNIFER: What's the matter?

FRANKIE: No, no, Jen, I don't want you to catch it okay.

JACK: I think we've caught it.

JENNIFER: Frankie....

FRANKIE: I'm sorry but I don't think we should share a room together right now.

 

SHE LOOKS ACROSS AT JACK WHO IS STILL COVERING HIS NOSE AND MOUTH.

 

JACK: Wha....

JENNIFER: Well what am I supposed.... ah, no that's fine. I'll think of something that I can do.

FRANKIE: Are you sure?

JACK: Yeah, sure we're sure. I think that you should just go to bed and drink plenty of liquids and get some vitamin C.

 

FRANKIE HANDS JENNIFER'S BAG TO JACK.

 

FRANKIE: Thank you. You're the best Jen, thank you.

JACK: Thank you. Thank you.

JENNIFER: Take care of yourself Frankie.

JACK: Thank you.

 

JACK SHUTS THE DOOR.

 

JACK: I don't believe it. (Beat) Now what are we going to do? What are we going to do? We're going.... I'm going to have to.... ah.... well I've got to find you a place to sleep, that's right.

JENNIFER: There is none.

JACK: Wha.... you said.... you said there was none?

JENNIFER: There is none. The train's full. Ah, it looks like I'm going to have to stay here.... with you.

JACK: Here?

JENNIFER: With you.

JACK: With me.

JENNIFER: Huh, uh.

JACK: Ah.... I guess.... I guess I have a room mate.... room mate.

 

THEY ARE BOTH PLEASED, AND YET NERVOUS ABOUT THE SITUATION.

SCENE SEVEN: A BIT LATER FRANKIE AND EVE SETTLE IN TO BED ON THEIR SEPARATE BUNKS BUT JACK AND JENNIFER HAVE ONLY ONE DOUBLE BED. EVE SEEMS TO LIKE THE IDEA OF SPENDING THE NIGHT WITH FRANKIE.

SCENE EIGHT: JACK IS STANDING IN GRAY SILK PAJAMAS HOLDING THE DOOR OPEN WHILE JENNIFER CLIMBS ACROSS THE BED WEARING PINK SATIN PAJAMAS UNDER A BLUE SATIN ROBE.
oldEp255I
SHE CLIMBS UNDER THE COVERS ON HER SIDE AND JACK SHUTS THE DOOR AND TURNS OUT THE LIGHT. HE CLIMBS INTO HIS SIDE AND PULLS THE COVERS UP UNDER HIS CHIN. SHE IS FACING AWAY FROM HIM. THE TRAIN IS VIBRATING AND ROCKING THEM.
oldEp255J

JACK:
Ah, are you all settled in over there?

JENNIFER: Ah.... yeah.

 

SHE TURNS TOWARDS HIM.

 

JENNIFER: Snug as a bug in a rug.

JACK: Snug, huh?

 

SHE TURNS AWAY AGAIN.

 

JENNIFER: Goodnight Jack.

JACK: Goodnight.... Miss Horton.

 

THE TRAIN CONTINUES TO ROCK THEM ON THEIR RESPECTIVE SIDES OF THE SAME BED.

oldEp255K

 

[Transcribed by Carol Vaughan
added material by Sally A. Wilson]