EVE: Jack are you home?
SCENE ONE: JACK IS AT THE PENTHOUSE WITH A VAPORIZER ON HIS LAP AND A TOWEL OVER HIS HEAD, OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO GET RID OF HIS SORE THROAT AND LARYNGITIS.
EVE COMES OUT OF HER ROOM AND SEES HIM GURGLING AND FANNING AIR INTO HIS LUNGS.
EVE: What are you doing? What's going on?
HE POINTS TO HIS THROAT.
EVE: Oh this is great, great. Perfect way to start the day.
HE GURGLES AT HER.
EVE: Yes I understand. What are you doing with this vaporizer? What's going on?
JACK MOUTHS THE WORDS, "I CAN'T TALK."
EVE: Jack, Jack, I am not in the mood for this today. You know how I am in the morning, alright. Look either either you say something or I will spend the rest of the day making your life so miserable.... SAY SOMETHING.
JACK: AAAARGH.... AAAAWWWEEE.... AAAAARRRCCCHHHHH!
EVE: Oh my.... my god he can't talk.
JACK: (Almost inaudible) Yes.
EVE: Oh I am going to enjoy this. The first time I'm going to enjoy this marriage since our wedding vows.
JACK SCREECHES AND GRABS FOR HER THROAT. EVE IS REALLY ENJOYING THIS. JACK GRUNTS SOMETHING.
EVE: Oh don't say such a thing Jack. You beast.... you beast ! I.... oh I am so happy I can't believe.... Jack has no voice, how funny.
THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR AND EVE ANSWERS IT.
EVE: Jennifer, come on in. Be a part of our lives.
JENNIFER: Jack, I have good news.
EVE: So do I.
JENNIFER: Have you seen the papers? Have you seen these headlines? Look Lawrence Alamain guilty of rape.
EVE: That's great Jack, isn't it? That's great.
JENNIFER: Here look at this.
JACK HAS THE TOWEL OVER HIS HEAD AGAIN AND IS BENDING OVER THE VAPORIZER.
JENNIFER: (Reading a newspaper) "Spectator publisher Jack Deveraux to marry WATB reporter Jennifer Horton in open ceremony. All of Salem invited." Well?
JACK IS WAVING HIS HANDS IN THE AIR AND GASPING.
JENNIFER: What is he doing?
EVE: I don't know. I couldn't tell you. And neither can he. Jack, I think you should answer her. Answer her, speak.
JENNIFER: Jack, what are doing?
JACK TRIES TO TALK BUT NOTHING COMES OUT.
EVE: I don't a wedding will be much fun if the groom can't say I do.
JENNIFER: This is from yesterday when you were coughing? You can't talk.
JACK NODS AND GASPS.
JENNIFER: Oh Jack would you like me to make you some tea and honey? Would you like that, would that help?
EVE: I don't even think it's legal if the groom can't say I do.
THEY BOTH LOOK UP AT HER.
JACK GASPS AND WHEEZES.
JENNIFER: That's good, that's good Jack. This is very good. But it's not going to happen. I have witnesses and I have rights and you have already proposed.
SCENE TWO: JENNIFER HAS A LARGE FLASHLIGHT AND TRIES TO LOOK DOWN HIS THROAT.
JENNIFER: Jack, stop. I don't know. How does it look to you Eve?
EVE: It looks dark and slimy. Gross.
JENNIFER: You're faking this aren't you Jack?
EVE: What, Jack, faking it?
JENNIFER: This is a joke, right, you're joking.
EVE: Right, we know a joke when we see one Jack. It's a definite joke Jack, right?
JENNIFER: But how can we be sure?
EVE: Stand back. You know what, I'll handle this. Wifey, wifey knows best.
JENNIFER: You're not wifey for much longer Eve.
EVE SITS DOWN NEXT TO JACK AND HOLDS HIS ARMS. THEN SHE LOOKS STRAIGHT INTO HIS FACE AND SCREAMS AS LOUD AS SHE CAN.
HE GASPS BACK AT HER.
JENNIFER: Well? (Beat) Eve?
EVE: I don't know. I don't know. I'm just enjoying the...the peace and quiet. If this is a joke I don't want it to end. I'm going to get the last word. Everytime. HAHAHAHAH.
JENNIFER: Jack, you're not faking are you? You're not faking. What are we going to do?
HE LOOKS SAD.
EVE: Boy can we.... let's have a party, let's have a huge party with speeches and everything, yeah.
JENNIFER: What are we going to do?
JACK HAS HAD ENOUGH. HE THROWS THE TOWEL AWAY AND STANDS UP BRUSHING THEM BOTH ASIDE.
JENNIFER: Wait a minute, wait. Jack where are you going? Stop.
EVE: Where are you going?
JACK GRABS HIS SCARF AND COAT.
JENNIFER: No, you're not going anywhere until we find out what's wrong with you Jack. Where are you going? What? What are you saying? What does that mean?
EVE: He's not saying anything/JENNIFER: Ssssh. Just.... just go on. Do it. Alright, go on, how many words?
JACK BEGINS CHARADES. HE HOLDS UP TWO FINGERS.
JENNIFER AND EVE: Two words.
HE HOLDS UP ONE FINGER.
JENNIFER: First word.
HE PULLS HIS EAR TO MAKE THE "SOUNDS LIKE" SYMBOL.
JENNIFER: Sounds like.
HE STARTS TO WAVE HIS HANDS UP AND DOWN HIS CHEST.
JENNIFER: Sounds like.... these? (Beat) Oh bust?
EVE: Bust.... lust, disgust, rust.... disgust, lust....
JENNIFER: Oh trust.... trust.... trust. Okay.
JACK NODS THEN PRESSES A FINGER TO HIS NOSE AND HOLDS TWO FINGERS VERY CLOSE TOGETHER.
EVE: Second word.
JENNIFER: Little word, alright.... you?
JACK SHAKES HIS HEAD.
JENNIFER: Me? (Beat) Trust me, trust me, that's it, right?
EVE: Trust me? That's the answer to where Jack is going? Trust me?
JACK HOLDS UP BOTH THUMBS AND RUNS OUT.
EVE: You're going to trust him? Are you serious? Oh we are having fun now, aren't we?
WHILE JACK IS AWAY EVE KEEPS TAUNTING JENNIFER WITH WHAT JACK COULD BE UP TO. JENNIFER PICKS UP THE FLASHLIGHT AND GIVES A THOUGHT OR TWO TO GETTING EVE TO SHUT UP.
SCENE THREE: A SHORT TIME LATER JACK COMES BACK. HE LOOKS EXHAUSTED.
JENNIFER: Jack. There you are. Come on in.
EVE: The Frog Prince is back. Give us a croak, your majesty.
JACK IS CARRYING A SHOPPING BAG.
JENNIFER: What did you do? You went shopping? You went shopping when you went out?
EVE: Did you get anything for me?
JACK POINTS TO EVE AND SMILES.
EVE: Oh you did, you did? Oh thanks. Oh what is it, let me see. I really....
EVE: Oh what's that, something to draw on?
HE REACHES IN THE BAG AND PULLS OUT A SMALL WHITE BOARD.
JENNIFER: It's something for Jack to talk to us with, right?
JACK NODS AND SITS DOWN. HE BEGINS TO WRITE A MESSAGE.
EVE: What could possibly be so important that you had to run out in the middle of everything to get a board to write on.
HE HOLDS THE MESSAGE UP AND JENNIFER BEGINS TO LAUGH. EVE IS NOT SO HAPPY.
EVE: You spelled that wrong.
JENNIFER: No he didn't. You just can't read his handwriting.
JENNIFER TAKES THE MARKER PEN FROM JACK AND REWRITES ONE OF THE WORDS.
JENNIFER: There you go! That's for you, from Jack and me.
THEY BOTH SIT BACK SMUGLY AND EVE IS INSULTED. JACK HOLDS A THUMB UP TO JENNIFER. JENNIFER SMILES BACK.
JENNIFER: You're welcome.
EVE THEN LEAVES; JACK AND JENNIFER ARE ALONE.
JENNIFER: Did you see her face Jack, did you see it? And when she slammed the door, that was great.
JACK WRITES A MESSAGE ON THE BOARD.
JENNIFER: It was so great I'm never going to forget that as long as I live. I've always wanted to give Eve a piece of my mind. I just didn't know what piece to give her. But I gave her a good piece.
THE PHONE RINGS AND JACK PICKS IT UP. JENNIFER GRABS IT FROM HIM.
JENNIFER: Hello? (Beat) Dad? Why didn't you tell me this was my dad, Jack?
HE POINTS TO HIS THROAT. JENNIFER TELLS BILL THAT SHE AND JACK ARE GETTING MARRIED AND HE TELLS HER THAT HE WILL COME TO THE WEDDING. MEANWHILE JACK IS REACTING TO HER COMMENTS AND AT THE SAME TIME HE'S SPRAYING HIS THROAT.
JENNIFER: Can you believe that, Jack? My dad is coming to the wedding and he's going to walk me down the aisle and he's going to give me away in front of everyone, in front of my whole family.
JACK MOUTHS THE WORDS: WHAT DOES HE LOOK LIKE?
JENNIFER: What does he look like? You don't know what my.... you don't remember what my dad.... Jack! Here's a picture of my dad.
SHE GETS OUT A PICTURE OF BILL. JACK RECOGNIZES BILL AND POINTS TO HIS SIDE -- WHEN HE HAD THE KIDNEY TRANSPLANT AFTER FALLING OFF THE LOFT'S FIRESCAPE, IT WAS BILL WHO PREFORMED THE SURGERY.
JENNIFER: Yes, yes, he helped you with your surgery. Yes that's my dad. I can't believe he's going to come Jack. Do you realize how much we have to do? You have to get a best man. We need to get ushers, bridesmaids. We need to find a place big enough to fit 2,000 people Jack. But you know I'm glad I already decided about my matron of honor. I'm going to ask Carly. Do you have any objections to my asking Carly? Speak now or forever hold your peace.
JACK PULLS A TOWEL OVER HIS HEAD AND BENDS OVER THE VAPORIZER AGAIN.
JENNIFER: Alright, Carly it is.
SCENE FOUR: JENNIFER DECIDES TO TAKE JACK TO THE HOSPITAL TO GET HIS THROAT CHECKED OUT. THEY GET OFF THE ELEVATOR AND JACK HAS HIS FACE WRAPPED IN THE SCARF JO KNITTED HIM.
JENNIFER: Marcus, Marcus, hi. Can I talk to you for just a minute?
MARCUS: Sure.... Jack it's almost July or haven't you heard?
JACK SMILES CYNICALLY.
MARCUS: I won't even ask.
JENNIFER: Marcus, he can't talk.
MARCUS: Well congratulations. You must be a very happy woman.
MARCUS LAUGHS OUT LOUD AND JACK SIGHS.
JENNIFER: No Marcus this isn't funny, there's really something wrong with him.
MARCUS: I know. Everybody knows.
MARCUS IS REALLY ENJOYING ALL THIS.
JENNIFER: No Marcus, he.... there's something wrong with his throat.
MARCUS: Oh his throat? Well just add that to the rest of the thing that's wrong with him.
JENNIFER: Marcus really....
MARCUS: Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Can you blame me? I mean....
MARCUS: I tell you what I'll go on up to the office and you can come with me and we'll check it out.
JACK IS WRITING A MESSAGE.
JENNIFER: Let's go. (Beat) Wait, wait, he's writing. He's writing. (Beat) What.... Marcus he says you are a plastic surgeon.
MARCUS: Jack, even I am qualified to take a throat culture, okay?
JENNIFER: Jack if you don't go with Marcus, you're going to have to stay with me and do wedding preparations, so....
JACK IMMEDIATELY MAKES UP HIS MIND AND GOES WITH MARCUS. JENNIFER AND MARCUS LAUGH.
JENNIFER: Okay Marcus I'll be back in a little while to pick him up and you know what, if you get a chance, maybe you can fix his ears. His lobes sort of blend into his face.
MARCUS HAS A QUICK LOOK.
MARCUS: Hey, you're absolutely right. No promises though.
JACK WRITES, "HAHA" ON HIS WHITE BOARD AND HOLDS IT UP TO JENNIFERJENNIFER: Bye Jack.
JACK GOES OFF WITH MARCUS.
SCENE FIVE: EANWHILE, JENNIFER ASKS CARLY TO BE HER MATRON OF HONOR. THEN SHE AND CARLY GO LOOKING FOR A VENUE FOR THE WEDDING. IT IS A NEW OUTDOOR ARENA, BY THE FAIRGROUNDS.
SCENE SIX: WHEN JENNIFER GETS BACK, MARCUS HAS JUST FINISHED EXAMINING JACK.
JENNIFER: Jack, there you are. What's going on? What did Marcus say?
JACK WRITES, WAITING FOR RESULTS.
JENNIFER: You're waiting for results. Well I hope they come soon Jack. We have to get you better and we have to get you better fast.
JACK WRITES, WHY?
JENNIFER: Why? I'll tell you why, because Carly and I have been out all morning looking for a place to have our wedding ceremony Jack.
HIS SCARF IS STILL AROUND HIS MOUTH AND SHE PULLS IT OFF, REVEALING A SCOWL.
JENNIFER: I knew that look was under there. Now stop it. Do you want the good news first or the bad news?
JACK FLIPS HIS THUMB UP AND DOWN DECIDING. HE CHOOSES GOOD NEWS.
JENNIFER: Good.... what.... good news? (Beat) The good news is we found a place Jack. They.... they just built this huge arena right near the fair grounds. But the thing is there's a wild west show that's scheduled to begin at the beginning of next week so we have to get married before the beginning of next week.
JACK RUBS HIS FINGERS TOGETHER.
JENNIFER: Cheap? No it's not cheap but we have to get married before next week.
JACK IS LOOKING VERY WORRIED BUT MARCUS INTERRUPTS.
JENNIFER: Marcus, hi.
MARCUS: There you two are.
JENNIFER: Do you know anything?
MARCUS: Sure, lots of things. Just pick your topic.
JENNIFER: The tests.
MARCUS: The tests?
MARCUS: The tests are all negative, nothing.
JENNIFER: Nothing? Well what do you mean? There has to be some explanation for what's wrong with him.
MARCUS: Aye, aye, I think I have a pretty good idea what might have caused Jack to lose his voice.
JENNIFER: Well what, tell us.
MARCUS: Well one test left, one very special test and I'll be sure.
JENNIFER: One more test Marcus. I don't think I like the sound of this.
MARCUS: Come on let's go Jack. I'll bring him right back after we're done.
JACK SCREWS UP HIS FACE.
MARCUS: Jack you do want to know how to cure this thing, don't you?
JENNIFER: Yes! Yes Marcus he does.
MARCUS: Well then, right this way Mr. Deveraux.
JENNIFER: Go on Jack.
MARCUS: There you go. It's going to be a piece of cake.... wedding cake.JENNIFER: Thanks Marcus.
SCENE SEVEN: A SHORT TIME LATER, WHEN MARCUS AND JACK COME BACK THEY BRING WHITNEY BAKER WITH THEM.
JENNIFER: Hi. (Beat) Hi Dr. Baker. How did it go, what happened with the tests?
MARCUS: Well I think maybe you should ask Dr. Baker.
JENNIFER: Why should I ask Dr. Baker?
MARCUS: Well that's where we've been, in Whitney's office.
JENNIFER: Yeah but Whitney's a psychiatrist.
JENNIFER: "BE GENTLE, SHE'LL HURT ME!!!"
JACK HOLDS UP A SIGN BEHIND.
WHITNEY: That's true.
JENNIFER: Right, but Jack has a throat problem. Why would he see a psychiatrist unless he was....
WHITNEY: Jack's problem is purely psychosomatic. He has lost his voice for one reason and one reason only. Pure unadulterated terror!
JENNIFER: So basically what you are telling me, is that Jack is not sick.
MARCUS: Well there's nothing physically wrong with the man, no.
WHITNEY: It's a classic case of hysterical laryngitis. Nothing more, nothing less.
MARCUS THINKS THIS IS ALL VERY FUNNY.
JENNIFER: Oh it's hysterical, it's very hysterical.
JACK CALLS JENNIFER ASIDE AND BEGINS TO WRITE ANOTHER SIGN. SHE GRABS THE MARKER PEN FROM HIM.
JENNIFER: If you write one more thing on this damn thing! Listen to me Jack Harcourt Deveraux! You listen to me right now. If you think that this throat thing is going to get you out of our wedding you are sorely mistaken. Do you understand me? I don't care if you can talk, I don't care if you can't talk. I don't care if you're in a cast from you ankle to your neck which you might be if you keep playing these games with me.
SHE HAS HIM BACKED UP AGAINST A WALL AND IS LEANING INTO HIS FACE. SHE PULLS THE SCARF OFF HIS MOUTH AGAIN.
JENNIFER (CONT.): We are getting married as scheduled. You are going to marry me. This wedding is going to happen. It is on. Do you understand me. It is on, ON, ON!
SHE RUBS NOSES WITH HIM THEN PINCHES HIS CHEEKS AND LAUGHS;
JACK GETS A TERRIFIED LOOK ON HIS FACE; BUT HE DOES NOT SEEM TO MIND THAT MUCH, EITHER.