oldEpisode Three-hundred-thirteen:
The Honeymoon Part II:
ItTakes Two : Jack and
Jennifer Visit Universal Studios.

[Air date early July, 1991]

 

 

SCENE ONE: JACK AND JENNIFER ARE ON THEIR HONEYMOON, IT IS THE NEXT MORNING AND JENNIFER IS SOUND ASLEEP BUT JACK IS NOT IN BED. HE COMES OUT OF THE BATHROOM WEARING HIS SWIM SUIT AND A LIFE VEST. AS WELL HE HAS ON A DIVING MASK AND SNORKEL COMPLETE WITH FINS. AND ON TOP OF HIS HEAD HE HAS A YELLOW SUN SHADE OVER A WET SUIT HEAD COVERING. HE CAREFULLY LOPES OVER TO THE BED AND JUMPS ON IT. HE HAS DECORATED THE ROOM IN A BEACH MOTIFF, WITH INFLATABLE BEACH FIGURE. JENNIFER STIRS.

 

JACK: (Muffled because of the snorkel in his mouth) Hello, good morning.

 

HE BENDS THE SNORKEL OVER SO THAT IT IS NEXT TO HER EAR.

 

JACK: Good morning. Rise and shine, wake up.
oldEp313A

JENNIFER ROLLS OVER AND SEES THIS WEIRD CREATURE ON THE BED AND SCREAMS SO LOUDLY THAT JACK FALLS OVER BACKWARDS ON THE BED.

SCENE TWO: JENNIFER REALIZES IT IS JACK.

 

JENNIFER: OH JACK, IT'S YOU!

JACK: Oh what is it? What's on me?

JENNIFER: There's nothing on you, it's you! What are you doing dressed like that? Why did you creep up on me like that?

JACK: I didn't.... oh this?

JENNIFER: Yes.

 

HE REMOVES THE SNORKEL FROM HIS MOUTH.

 

JACK: Excuse me. I'm just getting in the mood. I mean I've been up since the crack of dawn preparing all of this.

 

HE WAVES HIS HAND AROUND THE ROOM WHICH IS DECORATED WITH BLOW UP BEACH EQUIPMENT AND UMBRELLAS.

 

JACK: Of course, this is just, you know, the barest of necessities you understand.

JENNIFER: Well I guess whatever you forgot we could pick up along the way, right?

JACK: I hope so. I've been looking forward to this part of the honeymoon most of all.

JENNIFER: Really?

JACK: Well I.... I mean, you know, the sun, the fun, the surf and the turf. You know all along the bright clear blue Pacific.

JENNIFER: Huh, uh. Well aside from the fact that you can't swim, did anyone ever tell you about sharks?

JACK: Sharks? Oh come on. A shark hasn't been born yet that would scare me.

JENNIFER: Oh really.

JACK: Yeah of course. You know, I've tangled with a few sharks in my time. I was even married to one as you recall.

JENNIFER: Well now that you mention it, you have fought a few sharks, haven't you?

JACK: Yeah, fought and just won, yeah.

 

SHE LEANS OVER AND KISSES HIM.

 

JACK: What was that for?

JENNIFER: For being so brave.

JACK: I feel my bravery ebbing at the moment.

JENNIFER: Well maybe I need to remind you again.

 

SHE CLIMBS UP AND PULLS HIM BACKWARDS ONTO THE BED.

 

JACK: Wait a minute, whoa, ouch.

 

HE WAVES HIS LEGS IN THE AIR IN TOKEN MOCK PROTEST BUT HE IS ENJOYING EVERY MINUTE OF IT.

SCENE THREE: A SHORT TIME LATER, JENNIFER IS IN HER BIKINI AND IS RUBBING SUN SCREEN ON HER LEGS.

 

JACK: Could we hurry up with it please? Those glorious rays are awasting.

JENNIFER: Jack there'll be plenty of rays for us when we get there. Have you seen my sunglasses anywhere because I really need them.

 

SHE WALKS OVER TO THE BUREAU.

 

JENNIFER: Jack!

JACK: Huh?

JENNIFER: What is this? These are tickets to the Universal Studio's tour. You never said a word about this. I know I know what you were doing. You were trying to surpass me right because you know how much I would love this. Oh my gosh.

JACK: Ah.... yeah. Well that was kind of a surprise wasn't it? I tell you something, the studio tour will really wait but the fish will not. Come on.

 

JENNIFER LOOKS VERY DISAPPOINTED.

 

JACK: You didn't really want to go do that, did you?

JENNIFER: Well you bought the tickets. You must have wanted to go too, right?

JACK: Well if the truth must be told and I suppose it must, I didn't really.... purchase those tickets.

JENNIFER: I don't know what you mean.

JACK: Ah.... Vern got them. You see he conceived this idea back when he had that.... that cash crunch at The Spectator.

Vern had this idea that we could have this raffle and if people bought it they could win the tickets. And we'd raise a couple of million dollars at five bucks a pop.

JENNIFER: Well Jack, I think that's very sweet of Vern to do that.

JACK: Yes, well very sweet, but I figured as the ultimate beneficiary of this, it was really ridiculous for me to donate so I didn't want to but Vern hounded me and I bought a ticket. Served him right when I won.

JENNIFER: Wait a minute, are you telling me that this is the prize Jack? Well it doesn't matter how we got them, we got them and we're going.

JACK: Going? Are you really sure about that?

JENNIFER: Yes. What else do you think we're going to do with them Jack?

JACK: Um, well I was hoping that we could get a refund on them.

JENNIFER: Jack.

JACK: Now wait a minute. I want to remind you that we're in a very recessional time right now and every.... every buck needs to be squeezed till it's squashed.

JENNIFER: Well you've sure changed your tune since yesterday Mr. Splurge and I don't care what you're saying, we're going. I want to go on that tour Jack.

JACK: I'm getting that feeling.

JENNIFER: Come on, you wouldn't mind that much would you?

JACK: Well I guess the waves will wait till tomorrow.

 

HE PULLS THE PLUG ON HIS BEACH BALL AND LETS THE AIR OUT SLOWLY.

 

JENNIFER: No, no, no. We can go to the beach. I know that you were in the mood today and that's fine. I want you to be happy.

JACK: No, no, I want you to be happy. I suppose we're at the point where I tell you that I sold my watch to buy a comb for your hair and you say that you cut off your hair and sold it for a chain for my watch.

 

JENNIFER GIVES HIM A BIG HUG.

 

JENNIFER: Oh Jack, you're so good to me. We're going to have a great time. You're going to love this tour, you'll see. You're going to love it. I got the ticket's. Come on, hurry up and change.

 

SHE RUNS INTO THE BATHROOM.

 

JACK: Well it is a day rental. I suppose I could get a refund for this.

 

HE STOMPS OFF IN HIS FINS TO GET CHANGED.

SCENE FOUR: THEY HAVE LEFT FOR UNIVERSAL STUDIOS, WHILE THEY ARE AWAY EVE MANAGES TO SCAM THE KEY TO THEIR ROOM. SHE GOES INSIDE AND FINDS THE PAMPHLET THAT JENNIFER HAD BEEN READING AND FIGURES WHERE THEY ARE. SHE SETS OFF TO UNIVERSAL AS WELL TO FIND THEM.

SCENE FIVE: AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS, JACK AND JENNIFER COME UP THE STEEP ESCALATOR. JENNIFER IS CARRYING THE VIDEO CAMERA.
oldEp313B
JACK: Wait a minute, what are you doing with that? I told you to put that away.

JENNIFER: Iím just going to take a picture.

JACK: Oh, no, no, no. I told you, I told you, I.... I will not do this. I will not do....

JENNIFER: Stand in front of the sign Jack

 

THERE ARE ALREADY A GROUP OF PEOPLE GETTING THEIR PICTURE TAKEN THERE.

 

JENNIFER: Okay, stand there, smile.

JACK: Picture.... picture....

 

PICTURE! HE GRABS HER AND PULLS HER AROUND TO FACE THE CAMERA OF THE OTHER PERSON.

 

JACK: You smile.

 

THE OTHER PEOPLE TAKE THEIR PICTURE THEN JACK IS ANXIOUS TO GO.

 

JACK: Let's get out of here, come on. This way.

 

JENNIFER KEEPS TAPING.

 

JENNIFER: Go ahead. I got you.

JACK: I'm telling you I am not into this kind of group activity. We are going to go back down those stairs and we are going....

JENNIFER: You listen to me right now, Jack Harcourt Deveraux. We are going on this tour and we are going to have a great time and that's all there is too it. Now let's go.

JACK: I will not enjoy it.

SCENE SIX: A SHORT TIME LATER, JENNIFER TAKES HIM DOWN AND THEY JOIN THE VERY LONG LINE FOR THE TRAM TOUR OF THE STUDIO AREA.

 

JACK: You know all the good seats will be gone before we're in spitting distance of that tram.

JENNIFER: Come on Jack, we're going to get a great seat. You'll see. We're going to get a great seat.

JACK: I want the best seat. Not just a great seat, the best one!

JENNIFER: Don't worry Jack. We'll get a seat.

JACK: I want the best one!

 

THE TRAM PULLS UP AND EVERYBODY RUSHES FOR A SEAT.
oldEp313C

JACK:
(To Jennifer) Follow my lead. Just follow. (Shouting at the crowd) EXCUSE US, EXCUSE US. PREGNANT LADY, PREGNANT, WITH A BABY, WITH A BABY.

 

THEY HOP INTO A SEAT NEAR THE FRONT OF THE TRAM.

 

JACK (CONT.): (Shouting at the crowd) PREGNANT LADY, PREGNANT LADY RIGHT HERE.... PREGNANT LADY. (To Jennifer) There, now we're sitting pretty, huh.

JENNIFER: Alright, this is going to be great Jack.

JACK: Yeah.

 

THE TRAM TOURS BEGINS WHILE IT TAKES TWO BY MARVIN GAYE PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND.

One can have a dream, Baby
Two can make that dream sooo real
One can talk about being in love
Two can say how it reaaallly feels

FIRST THEY SEE KING KONG AND JACK DECIDES IT IS NOT SCARY.

One can wish upon a star
Two can make that wish come true, yeeaah
One can stay alone in the dark
Two can make the light shine through
It takes too Baby, it takes two, Baby
Me and you

THEN THEY SEE THE PSYCHO HOUSE. WE SEE JACK AND JENNIFER PEERING OUT THE BEDROOM WINDOW, STANDING NEXT TO NORMAN BATES'S MOTHER.
oldEp313D

Just takes two
It takes too Baby, it takes two, Baby
To make a dream come true
Just takes two

NEXT IT IS THE EARTHQUAKE EXHIBITION, THE BART SUBWAY IN SAN FRANCISCO, AND JACK GRABS JENNIFER'S BAG SO THAT IT DOES NOT GET WET WHEN THE WATER FLOWS UP TO THE TRAM; HE ALSO IS PRETENDING TO BE SCARED.
oldEp313E
One can have a broken heart, livin' in misery
Two can reeeallly ease the pain, like a perfect remeeedy
One can be alone in the crowd, like a island [??] is all alone
Two can make just aaannny place, just like bein' home.
It takes two Baby; it takes two Baby
Me and you
It just takes two
It takes two Baby; it takes two Baby
To make a dream come true.
It just take two.

NEXT STOP IS THE JAWS EXHIBIT. THE SHARK COMES UP RIGHT NEXT TO THEM AND JACK CRINGES AWAY FROM IT. JENNIFER THINKS IT IS VERY FUNNY.

It just takes two
Just takes two

Oooh, one can go out to a mooovie, lookin' for a speeecial treat
Two can make that single movie, something really kinda sweet
Yeah, one can take a walk in the moonlight thinkin' that it's reeaaally nice
But two walkin' hand-in-hand's like addin' a touch of spice.

It takes two Baby; it takes two Baby
Me and you
It just takes two
It takes two Baby; it takes two Baby
To make a dream come true.

AT LAST THE TRAM GETS BACK TO THE START AND JACK STAGGERS OFF. HE IS FEELING GIDDY AND PRETEND TO BE SCARED, AND HE CANNOT WALK STRAIGHT.
oldEp313F

JENNIFER:
I thought that shark that could scare you hasn't been born yet Jack?

JACK: Shark, huh. I ain't afraid of no shark.

 

JENNIFER HELPS HIM WALK.

 

JACK: I'm just fine. I'm perfectly fine. There's no problem here.

 

THEY STAGGER AWAY TO GET SOME REFRESHMENTS.

SCENE SEVEN: MEANWHILE EVE HAS ARRIVED AND IS SEARCHING EVERYWHERE FOR THEM.

SCENE EIGHT: JENNIFER IS STILL TAPING JACK EVERYWHERE HE GOES.

 

JENNIFER: Oh this is good , this is good Jack. Grandma is going to love this.

JACK: I tell you something. She'll love it even better if you take the lens cap off.

JENNIFER: Right, that is better Jack.

JACK: Oh come on, come on. Let's just sit down.

JENNIFER: Alright. I'm going to follow you. I'm going to watch you sit.

JACK: Oh good, follow me, watch me sit.

JENNIFER: Go on.

JACK: I'm down. That's enough, that's enough. That's enough!

JENNIFER: Alright. Well we can't sit all afternoon because I still have a lot of souvenirs and gifts to get.

JACK: Look if you get anymore souvenirs and gifts you're going to have to hire another plane just to carry them back.

 

JACK HOLDS UP A MAP SO THAT SHE CANNOT KEEP TAPING HIS FACE.

 

JENNIFER: That's very cute Jack.

JACK: Thank you.

JENNIFER: I still have to get more tape for the camera too.

JACK: I tell you something, if I don't get a drink in five minutes, I'm going to end up spending the rest of my honeymoon cooling my heels in the County morgue. I'm hot, I'm tired.

JENNIFER: You stay here. You have your drink and I'll go do my shopping and I'll meet you back here.

JACK: That sounds like plan, alright. Don't hurry.

JENNIFER: Okay.

JACK: Good.

JENNIFER: Smile for grandma.

 

JACK GIVES THE CAMERA A GREAT BIG FAKE SMILE AND THEN HE WAVES.

 

[Transcribed by Carol Vaughan
added material by Sally A. Wilson]