SCENE ONE: JUST AFTER JENNIFER LEAVES, EVE SPOTS JACK AS HE IS READING THE MAP.
EVE: Hello Jack.
JACK: Hello Eve. (Beat) Eve? What are you doing here? No, I know, I know, it's just the heat. You're just a mirage.
EVE: Oh no I'm not.
JACK: Then.... (Humming The Theme from Jaws) dah dah.... dah dah dah dah.... I know, I know, I know that they're waiting for you over at the Jaws exhibit, that's it.
EVE: Oh it's so nice to see you too Jack. It's just great really.
JACK: Look you better just go. No, no, I'll just save you the trouble. I'll go. Goodbye.
HE GETS UP AND SHE CHASES.
EVE: I don't think so Jack. I need to talk to you.
JACK: No, no, I'm gone, goodbye.
EVE: Don't you dare leave!
THEY BOTH RUN PAST A MAN WEARING A COWBOY HAT AND READING WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE.
EVE: JACK, WAIT, WAIT!
JACK: I was just.... leave me alone Eve.
EVE: Not a chance Jack. I came halfway across the country to talk to you Jack and I'm not leaving until I do.
JACK: Alright, what are you doing here and what the hell do you want?
EVE: I understand you still have control of The Spectator, in spite of our divorce.
JACK: Ah.... yes as a matter of fact I am.
EVE: Well I think it's wonderful Jack that you were able to pull it off. I never knew that you were so clever.
JACK: Please get to the point.
EVE: Well I've been thinking that since it was my money that got you full ownership of the newspaper....
JACK: Goodbye Eve.
EVE: Listen to me!
JACK: Look you're not going to get a nickel from me. Not one thin nickel.
EVE: LOOK THAT MONEY IS MINE JACK!
JACK: Oh, I thought it was Nick's money.
EVE: He's dead. He doesn't need it anymore.
JACK: Well I do.
JENNIFER HAS COME BACK AND IS TAPING ALL AROUND THE AREA BUT HAS NOT SEEN JACK AND EVE YET.
EVE: Nick left that money to me. I have a right to that money.
JACK: Well, legally it's mine.
EVE: I'm talking about a moral right Jack.
JACK: Well, you're talking to the wrong person here.
EVE: Listen, Jack, if try to steal that money from me....
JACK: I can't steal something when I already own it. It's mine. I've got it.
EVE: Right. Why do you think I came out here Jack. Believe me it wasn't because I missed your face.
SUDDENLY JENNIFER SEES THEM TALKING.
JACK: Look just because you want to steal the money back from me....
JENNIFER: What is going on here? Eve what are you doing here?
JACK: Just a moment. I can explain. In just a moment alright. Eve, I hate to be blunt but three is a crowd and Jaws is waiting.
EVE: You think you're so smart, don't you, huh?
JACK: (Humming The Theme from Jaws) Dah dah.... dah, dah, dah.
EVE: You think you put one over on dumb little Eve, huh? Well, you made a mistake, Jack. You made one the first time. The fight isn't over yet.
JACK: You are not threatening me.
ANGRY, EVE SNATCHES THE BROUCHRE AWAY FROM JACK, AND THROWS AWAY THE BROUCHRE
EVE: I am not trying to threaten you. This is a cruse. That money doesn't belong to you. That's blood money. That kinda money doesn't buy happiness, that kinda money buys misery and pain. So, enjoy your fortune, Jack; enjoy it.
AND STORMS OFF.MEANWHILE, THE COWBOY, LOOKS FROM BEHIND HIS MAGAZINE. HE SEEMS *VERY* INTERESTED IN WHAT JUST HAPPENED, AND ESPECIALLY JACK.
SCENE TWO: JACK AND JENNIFER HAVE ARRIVED BACK AT THE HOTEL AFTER A DAY SIGHTSEEING AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS.
JACK: She wants my money. That's what it shows. She wants my money just like everybody wants my money.
JENNIFER: What do you mean, everybody wants your money Jack?
JACK: Oh listen to who's talking? She who had her hand in the till all day long.
JENNIFER: A penny! I borrowed a penny.
JACK: You didn't borrow it. You took it. You took it, you used it and you mangled it.
JENNIFER: No, I didn't. I put it into a machine and I got this.
SHE HOLDS UP A VERY SQUASHED AND MANGLED PENNY.
JENNIFER: I got a Universal keepsake souvenir Jack.
JACK: Like anybody would want to keep that. Look what the machine did to it.
JENNIFER: It's a replica of Johnson's mouth.
JACK IS HORRIFIED AT THE THOUGHT.
JACK: Like I would really want that.
JENNIFER: You will never find anything like that in Salem Jack.
JACK: Oh yeah. Have you got a good look at my ex-wife's smile lately?
OVER IN THE CORNER OF THE LOBBY, HALF HIDDEN BEHIND A PALM, A BELLBOY IS SIGNALING THAT HE WANTS TO TALK TO JACK. JACK NOTICES HIM AND STARTS TO LOOK PUZZLED AND LOOK OVER HER HEAD.
JENNIFER: What's wrong with you? What are you looking at?
JACK: Ah, nothing, nothing. Ah.... you know I'm feeling kind of hot and sticky. I think I'm going to go upstairs and then take a shower and then you can follow me....
JENNIFER: Oh no, no, no. I'm going to take a shower first because you spend forty-five minutes counting the water drops on the tile and communing with your belly button Jack. I will take a shower first.
JACK: Alright, I'll see you up there.
JENNIFER: You're going to brood aren't you? Don't.... don't brood.
JACK: No, no, I won't brood, really. Ah, enjoy your shower, really.
HE GIVES HER A QUICK KISS.
JENNIFER HEADS TO THE ELEVATOR.
SCENE THREE: JACK HAS REMAINED IN THE LOBBY, OVER TO TALK TO THE BELLBOY.
JACK: Excuse me, you were trying to get my attention.
BELLBOY: Yes, Mr. Deveraux. I wanted to warn you. Your wife is here.
JACK: Well I know that. I just sent her up in the elevator.
BELLBOY: You don't understand. I just saw her.
JACK: So did I. We just came in together.
BELLBOY: Not that wife. Your real wife. She was trying like heck to get me to tell her what room you and the lady are in.
JACK: I see. that wife.
EARLIER EVE TOLD THE BELLBOY THAT SHE WAS MRS. DEVERAUX.
BELLBOY: Yeah, not to worry. I sent her packing. The Mrs. won't be bothering you and your.... other wife again.
JACK LAUGHS WITH THE GUY.
JACK: You did a superb job. I'm in your debt.
JACK IS ABOUT TO LEAVE THE BUT THE BELLBOY STOPS HIM AND PUTS HIS HAND OUT.
BELLBOY: I think I deserve something for my trouble.
JACK: Well as a matter of fact I think that ah.... I'm going to give you the equivalent of what your.... of what your trouble is worth. Here. Enjoy.
JACK HANDS THE GUY THE MANGLED COIN AND WALKS TO THE ELEVATOR. WITH A SMUG SMILE ON HIS FACE HE PRESSES THE UP BUTTON. THE DOOR OPENS AND HE STEPS IN NOT WATCHING WHERE HE IS GOING. UNFORTUNATELY, THE ELEVATOR FLOOR WAS NOT LEVEL WITH THE LOBBY AND JACK FALLS IN BACKWARDS.
SCENE FOUR: JACK HAS FALLEND DOWN THE ELEVATOR SHAFT, HE IS NOW LYING FLAT ON THE FLOOR OF THEIR ROOM, FACE DOWN, MOANING AND GROANING.
JENNIFER: Alright, here we go. Let's try this and see if it feels any better. How's that?
SHE PUTS A COOL TOWEL ON THE BACK OF HIS NECK. JACK CONTINUES TO MOAN.
JACK: Oh better? I can't feel better. I've had a curse put on me. Eve put this curse on me and it's only going to fester and molder.
JENNIFER: Jack, your back always goes out when you get stressed okay. Now just relax.
JACK: Oooooh, I know that. You don't really think I'm really taking these curses and blood threats seriously. (Beat) You don't know where I can get some fresh killed chicken blood, do you?
JACK: Well maybe there's a manual that tells you how to get rid of a curse. Maybe at one of these supermarkets around here they could....
JENNIFER LEANS OVER HIM AND PICKS UP HIS LEFT ARM AND PULLS IT BACKWARDS, THEN SHE DOES THE SAME WITH HIS RIGHT ARM.
JACK: .... do it. It is LA. What.... wait a minute, what are you doing up there?
SHE CAREFULLY PUTS ONE FOOT ON HIS LOWER BACK AND PRESSES HIS SHOULDERS DOWN HARD.
JENNIFER: I'm fixing your back.
JENNIFER: I'm going to put it back into place.
JACK'S EYES NEARLY POP OUT OF HIS HEAD AND SHE PRESSES DOWN HARD ON HIS BACK.
JENNIFER: Alright. Okay, now let's see.
SHE ROLLS HIM OVER ONTO HIS BACK.
JENNIFER: OVER! How's that feel?
JACK: OOOOOH, if you think that your machinations are going to make any difference and make it work, you're....
SHE SITS DOWN IN FRONT OF HIM AND PULLS HIM UP TO A SITTING POSITION BY HIS HANDS.
JACK: It worked! I can move.
JENNIFER: You can sit! (Beat) Come on, come on, let's see you stand.
SHE DRAGS HIM TO HIS FEET.
JENNIFER: There you go, good as new. How do you feel?
JACK: Ah.... can you tell me where you learned to do that.
JENNIFER: My brother Mike, he hurt his back once and he showed me how to fix it. So much for Eve's curses, huh. My magic is much stronger than hers.
JACK: Oh come on, don't tell me that you actually believe in all that stuff?
JENNIFER: Well believed it up to a minute ago.
JACK: Well.... yes I.... I mean no. I mean I was just upset. I mean she showed up in public and started telling everybody that I was rich and that I had money and I mean I hate that. I mean that attracts.... that attracts panhandlers.
JENNIFER: Jack are you really embarrassed about that?
JACK: It embarrasses me when.... when my bank account is made public to everybody.
JENNIFER: Jack nobody knows anything about your bank account. They were enjoying themselves on their vacation.
JACK: Oh come on now, they were enjoying Eve making a public spectacle of us. I mean that's what people really enjoy.
JENNIFER: No one was paying us any attention, right. I am loving our honeymoon. Don't let this little incident with Eve spoil it, alright. Just, put it out of your mind.
JACK: What's a little public humiliation, eh. Just put it off.
JENNIFER: Just forget it. She came, she screamed and she's gone Jack. We don't have to think about Eve anymore.
SCENE FIVE: A WHILE LATER JACK IS PACING THE ROOM IN HIS ROBE AND SOCKS. JENNIFER COMES OUT OF THE BATHROOM ALL DRESSED UP IN A SHORT COCKTAIL DRESS. IT IS COVERED IN DARK BLUE SEQUINS WITH LARGE SILVER SEQUINED STARS ALL OVER IT.
JENNIFER: You know Jack I heard that the desserts at this place are really....
SHE STOPS WHEN SHE SEES HE HAS NOT DRESSED.
JENNIFER: Why aren't you dressed Jack? We have reservations at La Plume de ma Tante.
JACK: I know, the overpriced French restaurant to the stars. (Beat) Look I've been thinking that....
JENNIFER: Look don't start thinking, okay. You promised me an expensive dinner at an expensive restaurant.
JACK: I said expensive, not exorbitant.
JENNIFER: This is the most in place in town. You don't even know who could be eating dinner next to you. We could have dinner alongside Bruce Willis and Demi Moore.
JACK: Well I'll tell you something, right.... right now they're probably at home cooking weenies on the grill which we could be doing as we speak, figuratively speaking of course.
JENNIFER: In other words you would like to have dinner here in the hotel dining room?
JACK: No, I'd much rather have room service brought up to us.
JENNIFER: WHY JACK? You.... never mind this.... this has to do with you thinking that everybody is going to know that you're rich, right.
JACK: Correction, thinking that I'm rich when in actuality I'm just barely keeping the wolf from the door. I'll tell you something, if we go downstairs or go to that expensive restaurant where the bread sticks cost as much or more than an entire bakery back home, we're only going to prove to the people that what Eve said about me is right. (Beat) Of course if you have to go, I guess we....
JENNIFER: No, no, forget it Jack. I don't want you to be worrying the whole night that everyone that's looking at you is going to see dollar signs. I don't want that to happen. (Beat) I'll just get out of this fancy dress because I'm not going to need it if we're going to stay in.
SHE WALKS TOWARDS THE BATHROOM.
JACK: Are you sorry that you married me?
JENNIFER: If Bruce and Demi could stay at home then I guess that I can live with it. But I still think that you're carrying on over nothing Jack. Now that we're married you gotta stop being so paranoid.
JACK FROWNS AS SHE GOES INTO THE BATHROOM.
SCENE SIX: MEANWHILE DOWNSTAIRS IN THE LOBBY, THE GUY WE SAW LISTENING TO THEM AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS, HAS WALKED INTO THE LOBBY. HE STARTS CHATTING TO THE BELLBOY AND ASKS WHO OWNS THE FANCY CONVERTIBLE OUTSIDE. THE BELLBOY TELLS HIM THAT MR. DEVERAUX IS REAL CHEAP BUT THAT HIS WIFE MAKES UP FOR IT. SHE IS THE NICEST LADY YOU HAVE EVER MEET. THE COWBOY GETS A BIG GRIN ON HIS FACE
SCENE SEVEN: BACK IN JACK AND JENNIFER'S HOTEL ROM, JACK IS FEELING BAD AND HE KNOCKS ON THE BATHROOM DOOR. JENNIFER KNOCKS BACK.
JACK: Sorry I was just seeing if you might need some help in there.
JENNIFER: No I don't. Why should I?
JACK: Well I don't know. I thought you might need some help with the zipper or something.JENNIFER: Well I got into it by myself, I should be able to get out it.... oh.... I should be able to. I just.... ah....
THE DOOR OPENS.
JENNIFER: I'm stuck.
JACK: Well perhaps I could be of assistance.
SHE BRUSHES PAST HIM INTO THE ROOM.
SHE LIFTS HER HAIR SO THAT HE CAN UNDO THE ZIPPER.
JACK: Ah, that was a question not kind of a general inquiry. I was just wondering.... you mad at me?
HE SLOWLY SLIDES THE ZIPPER DOWN AND SHE TURNS TO HIM.
JENNIFER: I was mad at you. But you know I can't stay mad at you for too long.
SHE GLANCES DOWN HIS BODY.
JENNIFER: And besides I'm starting to see the advantages of eating in.
JACK: Yes, this way you don't have to get all dressed up and wear the nice.... oh, well. You mean that.
SHE GRINS AT HIM.
JENNIFER: Yeah that's what I mean. You know there is one sure fire way to see if your back is okay. (Beat) Think we should test it out?
JACK LOOKS A BIT SHEEPISH BUT HE IS ENJOYING IT.
JACK: Well we.... we could look at it as our contribution to.... ah.... science.
JENNIFER: That's exactly what I was thinking Jack.
JACK: Not only that but there's the added bonus that we're not exposing our financial situation to the world at large.
JENNIFER: Jack, we have been over that. Eve has gone.
JACK: I know she's gone but there's still.... there's a...I don't know.... her.... how should you say it here in LA.... her vibe is still here.
JACK: I mean I can, I can.... it's like I can smell the evil in the air.
JENNIFER: I think you're being paranoid again.
JACK: No I am not being paranoid. I'm just being cautious. The point is this is.... this is.... this is not.... Salem. This is not over the rainbow. This is not Kansas and.... you're not Dorothy. I mean we have to be careful. This is Los Angeles, the Emerald City and anything could happen.
JENNIFER: Good, why don't we just see about that?
SHE SLOWLY PEELS BACK HIS ROBE AND LETS IT DROP TO THE FLOOR. HE BEGINS TO SMILE AS HE LOOKS DOWN AT HIS SOCKS.
THEN SHE PEELS BACK HER DRESS AND MOVES TOWARDS HIM IN HER WHITE HIGH HEELS. HE PICKS HER UP AND THEY KISS.