SCENE ONE: JACK AND JENNIFER HAVE JUST ARRIVED BACK AT SALEM AIRPORT AFTER THEIR HONEYMOON.
JENNIFER: Ah, here we are, home sweet home.
JACK: It's not LA.
JENNIFER: Oh thank goodness. I mean it's not that I didn't like LA, it's just that everyone there is so LA, you know.
JENNIFER: Everyone here is so nice and normal. That's what I like.
A HARI KRISHNA TYPE OF GUY COMES UP BEHIND JENNIFER.
HARI KRISHNA: Excuse me.
JACK: You were saying?
HARI KRISHNA: Would you like to buy my pamphlet MaĦam? It will change your life.
JENNIFER: Ah, no thank you.
JACK: Actually she'll take it.
JACK: I.... ah, how much?
HARI KRISHNA: Only fourteen dollars.
JACK: Really? Why don't you just wrap it up. On second thoughts we'll just take it with us right now.
JACK GRABS THE PAMPHLET WHICH IS CALLED THE DIVINE STAIRWAY.
HARI KRISHNA: Don't you want to know what it's all about?
JACK: No, I'm sure it's inspirational.
JACK PULLS A NOTE OUT OF HIS POCKET AND CRINGES.
JACK: I tell you what I'll just.... ah.... oh just.... ah.... keep the change.
JENNIFER: Wait a minute, that is a $50 bill you're giving him Jack.
JACK: I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT IS. Now will you.... do I strike you as the kind of person who puts a price tag on spiritual enlightenment?
JENNIFER: YES! Now you get that fifty dollars back from him.
JACK: Ah.... she's just joking. This kind of thing happens. She's just from LA. We have to go. Peace, love, save the whales. Let's go, chop, chop, chop. Come on.
JENNIFER: What is going on here? Why are you being so nice to him?
JACK: I beg your pardon.
JENNIFER: Fifty dollars is more than you'd normally spend on a car never mind religious reading material. Now this has something to do with Desiree's prediction, doesn't it?
JACK: Ah.... maybe perhaps, a little.
JENNIFER: You can't possibly think that.... guy.... is the stranger she was talking about.
JACK: Well maybe if he grew his hair out a little bit. I mean it's not impossible.
JENNIFER: Yes it is impossible.
JACK: Let me tell you something, I've told you this before. I'm not going to let you out of my sight. Now.... now, now, not out of my sight.... from this day forth until the end of forever. Or at least till the end of the day.
JENNIFER: Alright, well then you're just going to run all of my errands with me then.
JACK LOOKS HORRIFIED.
JACK: Errands? What do you expect me to do?
JENNIFER: Huh, errands. Give me the book. Let's go.
SHE THROWS THE BOOK IN THE TRASH.
JACK: Wait a minute, wait a minute, I.... I need that book. I could give that to Vern for Christmas.
JACK: He'll read that.
SHE DRAGS HIM OUT OF THE AIRPORT. AS THEY LEAVE, THE COWBOY FROM LA WALKS OVER AND LOOKS AT WHAT JENNIFER THREW OUT. HE HAS FOLLOWED THEM TO SALEM.
SCENE TWO: THEY ARRIVE BACK AT THE PENTHOUSE AND THEY STRUGGLE IN THE DOOR WITH ALL THEIR LUGGAGE.
JENNIFER: You got it?
JENNIFER: Go ahead. You know what Jack, I dread the thought of unpacking.
JACK: Well then don't. You know I lived out of a suitcase once for six months, back in the early 80s.
JENNIFER: Forget that because your slovenly bachelor days are over. Want me to get you some water? I'm thirsty.
JACK: I think I'm entitled to that. I've worked up a good sweat exercising.
JENNIFER: Oh!.... Jack I don't believe this.
SHE BENDS OVER THE JADE PLANT THAT IS ON THE COFFEE TABLE.
JACK: Well you most certainly better. You saw me carrying the suitcases.
JENNIFER: I'm not talking about the bags. I'm talking about our plant.
JACK: Oh.... that!
JENNIFER: Oh come on Jack, don't give me oh that. Now you know how much this plant means to me and you made sure that it was here when we got home from our honeymoon. Jack that is one of the nicest things that you have ever done for me.
JACK: Well I hope that you're properly grateful.
JENNIFER: Well maybe I can show you how grateful I am.
SHE WALKS UP TO HIM AND THEY ARE ABOUT TO KISS WHEN SHE SUDDENLY PULLS AWAY.
JENNIFER: Oh, I don't believe it!
JACK: What.... what, what?
JENNIFER: I just realized that it flowered Jack.
JACK: Ah, so?
JENNIFER: So you know as well as I do that these plants almost never flower.
JACK: Well that's not true. I mean you've got your.... your, your.... your ***crasio argentata (sp?), the baby jade, you've got your.... your medium jade and you've got your old papa jade, you know the silver ones and they.... well they don't blossom as much but they...they blossom sometimes.
JENNIFER: Well it did bloom Jack. And we have the proof right here and you know what this means?
JACK: No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me.
JENNIFER: Of course I'm going to tell you. This plant has always been a symbol for us and when it's strong, we're strong and when it flowers, so do we.
JACK: So I'm going to wake up some morning with daffodils coming out of my head?
JENNIFER: No, come on Jack, I'm being serious. This just proves that we were right all along about our future and about us getting married and that all of Desire's predictions were wrong.
JACK: Maybe, maybe.
JENNIFER: Definitely! So just relax, okay.
SHE STROKES THE SIDE OF HIS FACE.
JACK: Well I don't know how I can relax. I mean you can't relax. You've got some chores you needed to do. Isn't that right? Some errands to run or something?
JENNIFER: They can wait. They can wait till later.JACK: Um.... well.... um....
SHE LEANS UP AND BEGINS TO KISS HIM. THEY FALL BACK INTO THE SOFA AND JACK'S FOOT ACCIDENTALLY BUMPS THE JADE PLANT AND THE FLOWER FALLS OFF. HE STARTS TO LAUGH THEN STOPS SO THAT SHE WILL NOT SEE WHAT HAPPENED.
SCENE THREE: JACK HAS JUST KNOCKED OFF THE FLOWER ON THEIR JADE PLANT; HE TRIES TO DISTRACT JENNIFER SO SHE DOES NOT NOTICE.
JACK: Well what....
JENNIFER: That will hold you for a while. Let's go.
JACK: That was fast. Wait a minute.
JACK: Like you said, the.... the errands can wait but.... but I can't.
JENNIFER: What.... Jack!
HE TAKES HER IN HIS ARMS AND STARTS TO KISS HER SO THAT SHE WILL NOT SEE THE PLANT. HOWEVER THE PHONE STARTS TO RING.
JACK: Wait a minute.
JENNIFER: What, I want to get the phone.
JACK: Ah it can wait.
JENNIFER: No it can't Jack. Maybe if it's important? What if it's important?
JACK DOES NOT WANT HER TO ANSWER THE PHONE, WORRIED THAT SHE WILL NOTICE WHAT HAPPENED TO THE JADE, HE TRIES TO CONTINUE TO BE AMOROUS TO DISTRACK HER.
JACK: Well it doesn't matter, it can wait. Let 'em wait. Let....
JENNIFER: No, I'm not going to let them wait. Let me get the phone.
JACK HURRIEDLY PUTS THE FLOWER BACK IN IT IS PLACE WHILE SHE ANSWERS THE PHONE. IT IS OBVIOUSLY BEEN GLUED THERE. IT IS VERN ON THE PHONE.
VERN: Hello Jenny Girl. How was the honeymoon?
JENNIFER: Ahh, it was perfection, Vern.
VERN: That's the way it should be. Listen, is Ja.... Ahhh, wait a minute, let me do this right. Is your husband at home, Mrs. Deveraux?
JENNIFER LAUGHS, SHE GETS A KICK OUT OF BEING CALLED "MRS. DEVERAUX."
JENNIFER: (To Vern) Yes he is. (To Jack) Jack, it's Vern.
JACK: Thank you. Ah, hello Vern.
VERN: Did she find the plant? How did she like it?
JACK TURNS AROUND AND JENNIFER IS LISTENING. HE WAVES TO HER TO SIGNAL THAT EVERYTHING IS FINE.
JACK: .... ah I'm really...I'm doing great Vern. Of course I'm feeling a little unglued at the moment.
VERN: What are you talking.... what do you mean, the flower? What, I glued it on twice before I left. It was fine.
JACK: Anything you happened to forget and leave behind?
JACK IS HOLDING A TUBE OF SUPERGLUE.
VERN: Left behind? The glue!
JENNIFER COMES BACK WITH TWO GLASSES OF WATER AND IS ABOUT TO POUR SOME ON THE PLANT.
JACK: Oooh, oooh, what are you doing?
VERN: What do you mean, what am I doing? I'm talking to you.
MEANWHILE JACK HAS DROPPED THE PHONE TO STOP JENNIFER.
JACK: Come over here.
JENNIFER: I was going to water the plant.
JACK: Oh, oh, I just wanted to say hmmm, hmmm.
HE KISSES HER ON THE CHEEK.
JACK: Oh it's so good to see you.
JENNIFER: You're on the phone to Vern.
JACK: Well yes I am.
VERN: Jack I want you to meet me for lunch down at the Sand Dollar.
JACK: Oh can't. Otherwise engaged Vern, sorry.
VERN: Oh come on, we've got a lot of business to discuss Jack.
JACK: No, no, I'm so sorry Vern. We'll meet you later in an hour okay. How about that?
VERN: No, no....
JACK PUTS DOWN THE PHONE AND KISSES JENNIFER AGAIN.
JACK: Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm.
JENNIFER: I just want to water the plant. What are you doing?
JACK: Ah, Vern wanted us to go to lunch with him.
JENNIFER: Oh I can't go to lunch with him, I'm busy.
JACK: What do you mean, what are you doing?
JENNIFER: Well I have to meet Carly. I'm going to pick up the wedding pictures.
JACK: No, no, no, no.
JENNIFER: What do you mean no?
JACK: Wait a minute, no. Look we had a deal alright? We were going to stick together all day long and I.... we are going to stick together like.... white on rice, alright, okay?
HE TRIES TO KISS HER AGAIN.
JENNIFER: What, Jack no. Don't start kissing me again.
JENNIFER: No, no, no. We're never going to get out of here. You go to lunch. I'm going to meet Carly at the hospital, okay.
JACK: We've got a deal, white on rice, okay?
JENNIFER: That's not a deal. That's what you want all along.
JENNIFER: Ah husbands! Let's go.
JENNIFER: Come on Jack. White on rice, go on.
SHE DRAGS HIM OUT THE DOOR BUT HE GLANCES BACK TO MAKE SURE THE FLOWER WAS STILL GLUED ON.
SCENE FOUR: THEY ARRIVE AT UNIVERSITY HOSPITAL WHERE CARLY IS WORKING IN THE LAB TRYING TO FIND A CURE FOR BO.
CARLY: Hi welcome home, it's good to see you.
THEY HUG EACH OTHER WHILE JACK LOOKS ON.
JENNIFER: Thank you. I missed you. You know what I have so many souvenirs back at the penthouse.
JACK: Ah, we would have brought them except we didn't have a truck that was big enough to transport them.
CARLY: Ah, I see marriage hasn't changed him much. You want to come inside. I'll show you around.
JACK: Its is safe in there?
CARLY: Yes, it's safe.
THEY GO INTO THE LAB AND HAVE A LOOK AROUND.
JENNIFER: What's all these people doing in here?
CARLY: Well research is moving into overdrive. We had to hire more staff just to keep up.
JACK: Hmmm, it's interesting how many men are in lab work these days.
CARLY IS MYSTIFIED BY JACK'S REMARKS BUT JENNIFER IGNORES HIM.
JENNIFER: Carly you didn't by any chance get the wedding pictures back, did you?
CARLY: No, no, it's been so crazy here.
JACK IS PERUSING ALL THE MEN THAT WORK THERE AND MEASURING THEIR HEIGHT BY HOLDING UP HIS HAND TO COMPARE THEM TO HIM.
JENNIFER: No, that's alright. There's no rush really.
CARLY: Jack, is.... is something wrong? Are you looking for something?
JACK: Ah, why, what do you mean?
CARLY: Well you're just looking around the room.
JENNIFER: You know what Jack, I'm a little thirsty. Why don't you go get us a soda?
JACK: Why don't you come with me?
JENNIFER: Because I want to talk to Carly.
JACK: I think Carly's busy.
JENNIFER: Jack the soda machine's on the 4th floor. It will take you five minutes to get there and back.
JACK CHECKS HIS WATCH.
JACK: Alright, but you keep your eyes open. Watch the door....
JACK: Watch the door.
JACK GOES TO THE DOOR AND WHISPERS A MESSAGE BACK TO JENNIFER AS HE LEAVES.
JACK: Watch for strangers.... STRANGE MEN.... STRANGE.... strange men, watch out for them.
HE LEAVES AND JENNIFER EXPLAINS THAT JACK HAS BECOME VERY JEALOUS SINCE THEY SAW THE PSYCHIC AND IS ALWAYS ON THE WATCH FOR A TALL DARK STRANGER.
CARLY: It's just because he loves you so much Jen.
JENNIFER: I know, he's a nut.
JENNIFER: But he's my nut.
CARLY: Yes but as long as you're happy.JENNIFER: I am. I am so happy.
SCENE FIVE: WHILE THEY ARE DOWN AT THE HOSPITAL, THE COWBOY RENTS A ROOM IN SALEM. HE IS OBVIOUSLY HERE TO STAY.
SCENE SIX: JACK AND JENNIFER GO TO THE SAND DOLLAR TO MEET VERN.
JENNIFER: Oh and Jack, one more thing, if you so much as look sideways at the busboy because....
SUDDENLY THERE IS A CHEER AND THEY TURN AROUND TO SEE A SMALL WELCOME HOME PARTY UNDERWAY. ALICE IS THERE WITH TOM, VERN IS THERE AND A FEW PEOPLE FROM THE SPECTATOR.
CROWD: WELCOME HOME!
JENNIFER: Oh my gosh!
JENNIFER EXTENDS HER ARMS FOR A HUG AND SO DOES JACK BUT THEY ALL PASS HIM AND WANT ONE ONLY WITH JENNIFER.
JACK: Well how very nice. How very...how very touching.
VERN: Surprise again.
JACK: What are all these people doing here?
VERN: Employees remember, your employees.
JACK: Oh yes, I remember. Oh yes, all the guys at the bachelor party. And know they're here too. Don't they ever work?
VERN: Listen don't push 'em Jack. They're still mad about the raffle.JACK: I don't care. I don't have time for sore losers. Now tell me this, since when was there so many men on the payroll?
VERN LOOKS CONFUSED ABOUT JACK'S QUESTION. TOM ASKS WHAT JENNIFER SAW IN HOLLYWOOD AND IF THEY SAW ANY FAMOUS NAMES AT MANN'S CHINESE THEATER.
JENNIFER: Well you know what we did see? We saw their names of the walk of fame.
TOM: Anybody I'd know?
JENNIFER: You know, as a matter of fact we saw this one that.... (An in joke to them seeing Macdonald Carey's star) no, no.
TOM: Did you run into Cher?
JENNIFER: Cher? Well you know what, we did see the front gate of her house but that's about it.
TOM: How about Michelle Pfeiffer? Did you see her?
JENNIFER: No grandpa but you know what, we went shopping on Rodeo Drive and....
TOM: Julia Roberts?
ALICE: Tom! really!
TOM: Well I was just curious. You know I think it would be a good idea for us to visit Hollywood. I'm sure we'd enjoy it.
ALICE: Yes I'm sure you would.
JENNIFER: Really it was wonderful. Jack and I had a great time but just the same time it's really nice to be home.
JACK IS STILL TALKING TO VERN OVER ON THE SIDE.
JACK: No I'm not an ingrate but I think you could have spent a little more than ten cents on glue.
VERN: Ten cents is a lot from what you pay me.
JACK: Oh if that's the case why didn't you remember to bring the glue with you?
VERN: I guess I'm just a lousy crook.
JACK: No, you're only so so as an honest fellow, that's what you are.
VERN: Listen can we get down to business.
JACK: Listen, I don't want to hear. I do not want to hear this alright.
VERN: Oh look Jack, a trust officer from the bank has been calling and we gotta figure out a way for you to start paying back that loan.
JACK: Vern, let me tell you something, I don't want to hear this okay, not now.
VERN: But Jack look....
JACK: Vern, you and I are the only ones who know that I had to borrow money to buy back The Spectator from Nick's trust and that's the way I want to keep it alright. Listen, it's the only way we can do that. We can.... we....
JENNIFER HAS WALKED UP BEHIND JACK AND IS LISTENING.
JENNIFER: What are you talking about?
JACK: Ah.... ah.... nothing, it's just business.
JENNIFER: Oh, well I guess the honeymoon really is over.
JACK: Well, what do you mean by that?
JENNIFER: Well we've been married less than two weeks and you're already keeping secrets from me Jack.
JACK LOOKS VERY WORRIED.
JENNIFER: Jack, I'm just kidding.
JENNIFER: Just kidding!JACK: Yeah.... yeah.
SCENE SEVEN: JACK AND JENNIFER GO BACK TO THE PENTHOUSE WITH TOM AND ALICE. ALICE IS TALKING AND JACK IS WORRIED ABOUT THE GLUED ON FLOWER. HE IS SITTING WITH HIS HEAD RESTING ON HIS FIST, STARING AT THE JADE PLANT.
ALICE: I think it was very thoughtful of Vern.
TOM: Not to mention your employees.
JACK: I try not to whenever possible.
TOM: What.... what did you say?
JACK: I.... I'm sorry. I was just thinking of how much that little party set me back.
JENNIFER: Oh Jack would you stop being so cheap? You know you'd think instead of growing up in a mansion, he grew up in a shack or something.
TOM: Shacks, snacks. Well snacks we've had enough of. I think we should be on our way.
JENNIFER: Well can't you stay a little longer?
ALICE: No dear, it's been a long while but we remember what it was like to be a newlywed.
TOM: Yes we certainly do. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.
TOM KISSES ALICE AND THEY ALL LAUGH.
JACK: Amusing. Yes, come by and snack again sometime.
JENNIFER SIGNALS JACK TO STOP TEASING.
ALICE: Thank you. Jennifer, I'll call you later.
JENNIFER: Okay, alright. I'll talk to you later. Goodbye Grandpa.
ALICE AND TOM LEAVE.
JACK: Well what?
JENNIFER: Well what? Well this isn't much of a symbol unless it stands for something real between us.
SHE PICKS UP THE JADE PLANT.
JACK: Well.... what is that supposed to mean?
JENNIFER: I'm talking about honesty and trust Jack. (Beat) If there's something wrong, I want you to be able to tell me about it.
JACK: I know that.
JENNIFER: Well I hope you do because that's why I married you. I married you for better, for worse and in sickness and in health and....
JACK: I know Jennifer. You don't have to repeat those wedding vows.JENNIFER: .... for richer, for....
JACK: For richer, for poo.... poo....
JENNIFER: For poorer.
JACK: For.... for poo.... for poorer, yes.... yes.