oldEpisode Three-hundred-twenty-three:
Jack and Jennifer Team up to Fool
Other Reporters. Howard Continues
to Manipulate Jennifer Adrienne Has
a Baby, Whom She Names Jackson.

---

[Air date early August, 1991]

 

SCENE ONE: IT IS LATER THAT NIGHT. JENNIFER IS BACK IN THE ALLEY LOOKING FOR HOWARD WHEN JACK WALKS UP AND PUTS HIS HAND ON HER SHOULDER. SHE GETS A BIG FRIGHT AND SCREAMS.

 

JENNIFER: JACK! What is the big idea of scaring me like that?

JACK: Well haven't we become quite the little alley cat.

JENNIFER: Well I came here because I need to take care of something.

JACK: Let me just take a guess at what that could be. Is it.... is it your peripatetic pal Howard?

JENNIFER: No, it's my peripatetic friend. And yes I came here to try to find Howard to see if he changed his mind about letting me interview him for the homeless story that I want to do.

JACK: Well I don't see him round anywhere. Perhaps he just pulled up stakes and went in search of greener trash cans.

JENNIFER: Well, I wouldn't blame him if he has, after the way you treated him Jack.

JACK: I am sorry. I had to fire the guy. He just had no sense of discretion.

JENNIFER: No, translation. He was straight forward and honest Jack, unlike some people I know.

JACK: Oh, oh, now we're getting into the meat of the matter. This has nothing to do with me giving Howard the boot. This.... you are still made at me because I didn't tell you about the loan, isn't that right?

JENNIFER: The point is, you shouldn't have lied to me, alright. We're supposed to confide in each other. We're supposed to be partners, remember?

JACK: Oh excuse me. Look Mr. Sears did not tell Mr. Roebuck everything little thing, I think not.

JENNIFER: Mr. Sears and Mr. Roebuck were not married Jack. There's a very big difference....

JACK: No, in a sense they were....

 

JENNIFER TURNS AROUND AND BUMPS STRAIGHT INTO A MAN.

 

JACK: Whoa.

MAN: Sorry I didn't look where I was going.

JACK: Well that's quite obvious.

JENNIFER: Wait, you're Todd Kerns aren't you?

MAN: Yeah, that's right. Salem Chronicle.

JACK: Oh now there is something to be very proud of, don't you think?

JENNIFER: Would you stop? What's going on? Are you after a story?

MAN: Yeah I got a tip that someone went on a shooting spree over at the Fisherman's Village. Property damage, injuries, the whole bit.

 

JACK AND JENNIFER ARE VERY INTERESTED.

 

JENNIFER: Oh, great. Thanks for the word.

MAN: Well you can read all about it in tomorrow's edition. Look for my by-line.

JENNIFER: Yeah I will. We will.

 

THE GUY LEAVES AND JACK'S MIND IS WORKING FAST.

 

JACK: We.... we will? What do you mean, we will? Are you telling me that you are not going to go after that story yourself?

JENNIFER: Of course I am. I'll see you later.

JACK: No, no, wait, wait, wait.... wait a minute. What happened to working together, partners?

JENNIFER: Well personally yes but when it comes to reporting the news Jack, you're on your own.

JACK: Oh well it's so nice to know that you have a strong sense of professional ethics still.

JENNIFER: Alright, well why don't we do it this way. Whoever gets on the scene first, gets the scoop. Agreed?

JACK: Agreed.

JENNIFER: Great.

JACK: Good.

JENNIFER: Bye!

JACK: Bye.

 

JENNIFER RUNS OFF BUT JACK TRIPS ON A TRASH CAN AND BANGS HIS LEG.

 

JACK: OUCH! OUCH! Wait a minute, it's not fair. Just cause you're smaller.

 

JACK'S LEG THEN GETS CAUGHT IN A TRASH CAN.

 

JACK: I.... OKAY, IT'S OFF ALRIGHT. ALL GLOVES ARE OFF! EVERY MAN AND WOMAN FOR THEMSELVES!

SCENE TWO: THE SHOOTING AT FISHERMAN'S WHARF INVOLVED VICTOR AND BO; IT RESULTED IN THE SERUM NEEDED TO CURE BO BEING SPILT AND LOST.

SCENE THREE: SHANE AND ROMAN ARE AT THE HOSPITAL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW VICTOR IS WHEN JACK AND JENNIFER ARRIVE.

 

JENNIFER: Shane, Shane.

JACK: Shane.

JENNIFER: Shane, what is this we heard that two shooting victims were just brought in.

SHANE: Well, your information is only half right.

JENNIFER: What, only one person came in?

SHANE: No, only one person was shot. The other one has a.... well a different medical problem.

JACK: That's all you know?

SHANE: Yeah, I'm waiting for news.

JACK: As are we all.

JENNIFER: What Jack means is that we're both here on assignment respectively.

JACK: Respectively, yet separately. Now if....

JENNIFER: Shane since you are an old friend of the family's, I heard that you were an eye witness to the shooting so if you could give me your account of what happened I could pass it on to all of my viewers so it would be really great.

SHANE: Jennifer....

JACK: Ah, I'm sure if Captain Donovan wants to share his story with anyone it's with his old honorary stake-out buddy, me. I mean for old times sake.

SHANE: I'm sorry to disappoint both of you but I'm not prepared to share this story with either of you. As a matter of fact, I want you to sit on this story, period.

JACK: Wait a minute, this is the kind of thing that headlines are made of.

JENNIFER: Shane, there were other reporters on our heels the whole way over here.

JACK: That's right. We had to do some pretty fancy footwork just to get ahead of them. Some of us fancier than others, I might add.

JENNIFER: And it's only a matter of time before our competition gets the fact from another source.

SHANE: Jennifer, I'm aware of that and I'm aware I'm asking an awful lot but I'm asking you as a favor not to run this story. As a matter of fact, not only not to run this story but to use your influence with the rest of the media to put the other reporters off the track.

JACK: Oh wait, you must know something if you want us to cover it like this.

SHANE: Yeah I do Jack and there's a good reason. Best reason in the world. (Beat) Some of our friends could die if we don't.

JENNIFER: Would you care to elaborate on that someone could die remark?

JENNIFER: Jack!

JACK: I'm sorry I am a newsman. This is what I do. Who, what, when, where, why and perhaps award winning photographs if we can get them.

SHANE: Well you know Jack, I can't elaborate. You'll just have to trust me on the particulars, right.

JENNIFER: We do Shane and we'll co-operate.

SHANE: Thank you Jennifer.

 

JACK WALKS AROUND TO TALK PRIVATELY TO JENNIFER.

 

JACK: Well that's all very fine and well but how the hell are we going to throw all those vultures off the scent. They are vultures you know.

SHANE: I have every confidence in you and Jennifer, Jack. I'm sure you'll come up with some very good reason. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go. I'll get back to you later.

JENNIFER: Right, we will.

 

SHANE LEAVES.

 

JACK: I can't believe you. Why did you do that? I mean you just threw away our claim to this story. That flies directly in the face of everything I've ever taught you.

JENNIFER: I understand that Jack but sometimes you have to break the rules.

JACK: And you think this is one of those times?

JENNIFER: Yes I do.

JACK: Just because he gave you this line about some anonymous people who may be dying.

JENNIFER: It wasn't anonymous. Shane would not deliberately mislead us.

JACK: Well, it just.... I just wish I had a chance to get a little bit more information. I think I could have if you hadn't just jumped in there and volunteered us for this Silence is Golden Club, without my consent I might add.

JENNIFER: Right, if you don't want to go along with this, just catch up with Shane and tell him so, Jack.

JACK: Oh yes, so I can look like a nice cross between Vladle Impalor and Simon Le Gre. No thank you. I can be just as honorable and self sacrificing as you if I try. At least I think I can. I mean I've never really tried.

JENNIFER: Well now's as good a time as any Jack.

JACK: Well we still don't know how we're going to divert our friendly foes.

JENNIFER: Well when you think about what Shane said, individually we don't stand a chance of pulling it off. But together....

JACK: But together we.... we've come up with quite a few outrageous capers in the past, yes.

JENNIFER: Yes they were outrageous but some of those capers actually worked, you know.

JACK: And in memory of those capers that did work, perhaps we ought to consider.... working together.

JENNIFER: One more time?

JACK: As a courtesy to my stake-out buddy Shane, of course. Strictly.

JENNIFER: Strictly, of course.

JACK: So what do you think?

JENNIFER: I think and I would say you've got yourself a deal Jack.

 

 

SHE EXTENDS HER HAND SO THAT THEY CAN SHAKE ON THE DEAL.

 

JACK: Alright.

HE TAKES HER HAND.

SCENE FOUR: THE REST OF THE REPORTERS START TO ARRIVE AT THE HOSPITAL AND JACK AND JENNIFER START THEIR PLAN IN MOTION. THEY BEGIN A SHOUTING ARGUMENT SO EVERYBODY CAN HEAR.

 

JENNIFER: I SAID NO, JACK. I SAID NO AND THAT'S FINAL.

JACK: I SAID ABSOLUTELY YES. I SAID....

JENNIFER: NO! This is my story. I did all the leg work. I did everything that has to do with it. I can't believe you'd try to steal it from me. Where is your conscience Jack?

JACK: Conscience? Conscience, you really are a novice, you know that. It's like I taught you in the past. All is fair in love, war and sensational journalism. Now if you'll excuse me.

JENNIFER: Oh come on Jack, this story belongs to me and you know it belongs to me. I can't believe you would try and steal it from me.

 

JACK WALKS OVER TO THE PUBLIC PHONE.

 

JACK: Listen, all I know is that the story belongs to he who has control of the phone which is me.

 

HE DIALS THE SPECTATOR.

 

JACK: Hello Vern. Vern's it's me. Yes I want to.... yeah I want to scrap one of those front page stories for the morning edition and use this one instead. Are you ready? Are you ready, okay. Here we go.

 

JACK BEGINS TO READ FROM HIS NOTE PAD.

JACK: Jimmy Hoffa sighted at local cafe.

 

THE REPORTERS IMMEDIATELY JUMP INTO ACTION AND BEGIN TO LISTEN IN.

 

JACK: No, no, I'm not pulling your leg. I mean look I've been tracking this story all night. Look I want you to write it and print it just like I tell you. You got a pencil, here goes, here goes, okay. (Beat) Patrons at popular dining establishment at Fisherman's Village, last evening got more than their money's worth for the blue plate special.

 

JENNIFER IS EMBARRASSED AT JACK'S MADE UP STORY.

 

JACK: (Beat) No, no, look it doesn't matter what it was. Just keep, come on, just keep writing, Vern. (Beat) James Hoffa, the dubiously deceased crime king (Beat) yes, I thought of that myself, yes. Was spotted at a secluded corner table just as an unidentified gunman fired a volley of shots into the crowd.

 

THE REPORTERS ARE RECORDING AND WRITING DOWN EVERYTHING JACK SAYS.

 

JACK: Several diners were injured and taken by ambulance to University Hospital. However the person's.... yes.... the person's witnesses, believed to be Hoffa, is reported to have been grazed by a bullet and admitted to Salem General under an assumed name.

 

THE REPORTERS ALL RUN OUT TO GO TO SALEM GENERAL HOSPITAL. JENNIFER GRABS THE PHONE FROM JACK.

 

JACK: He was wearing a lovely....

JENNIFER: That's it, that's it! They bought it. I can't believe it but they did buy it. Hang up.

JACK: Well of course they bought it. I told you we'd be a great team, didn't I? I told you that.

JENNIFER: You don't need to tell me Jack. I know that we can do anything as long as we're together.

 

SHE GIVES HIM A BIG HUG.

 

JACK: Yes.... well. Of course we can do it. I mean we've got plenty of previous experience at fighting, don't we?

JENNIFER: I just have one question that I wanted to ask you. If Shane didn't pull us back from doing this story, would you have really tried to scoop me?

JACK: I don't think you really want to bring this up. I mean, why don't we just settle for having a fake fight instead of going into a real one, okay.

JENNIFER: That's okay for now but this isn't over Jack. I mean the next time that we get a hot at the same time.

JACK: At the same time, then we'll just start where we left off, alright. In the meantime let's just.... let's just go home.

JENNIFER: Alright, let's go home.

JACK: Alright.

 

SCENE ONE: JACK AND JENNIFER DECIDE TO GO TO WINGS RATHER THAN GO HOME.

 

DAVE: Good evening and what will be having this evening.

JACK: Ah, we'll be having a late dinner. At least one of us will.

DAVE: Oh is something wrong?

JENNIFER: No, nothing. It's just that one of us has trouble eating when people are starving.

JACK: On second thought, I think I'll go watch the news.

JENNIFER: And I know I'll regret it but I'll be with him.

JENNIFER: What happened? I thought we called a cease fire earlier tonight.

JACK: I thought we had too but the moment I said I was hungry suddenly all hell broke loose.

JENNIFER: I'm sorry but it reminded me of Howard.

JACK: Everything reminds you of Howard.

JENNIFER: I don't want to fight anymore.

JACK: Oh no? I think you do. You been on me since the moment I let Howard go.

JENNIFER: You didn't let him go Jack. You fired him!

JACK: I....

 

JACK IS TOO FRUSTRATED TO TALK. THEN HE HEARS A NEWS REPORT COME OVER ON THE TV. IT IS ABOUT JIMMY HOFFA BEING SIGHTED.

 

JENNIFER: Oh.

JACK: Well it looks like they fell for our story afterall.

JENNIFER: And no one really knows what happened at Fisherman's Village tonight.

JACK: Including us.

JENNIFER: Right.

JACK: I'd say Shane Donovan owes us.... big time.

 

AT THE END OF THE NEWS STORY THEY ANNOUNCE THAT JENNIFER'S DOING A SERIES ON THE HOMELESS.

SCENE TWO: AT WINGS JACK AND JENNIFER HAVE JUST WATCHED THE NEWS REPORT ABOUT HOFFA, THEY HAVE FOOLED THE OTHER REPORTERS TO PREVENT THEM FROM PURSUING THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED AT FISHERMAN'S VILLIAGE; AT THE END OF THE REPORT THE COMMENTATOR MENTIONED JENNIFER'S UPCOMING STORY ON THE HOMELESS; JACK IS SURPRISED.

 

JACK: Well! (Beat) Well far be it for me to criticize the man that brought my own broadcasting career to such an abrupt and ignominious end but isn't it a bit premature for Dan the man to promo your story when you haven't even written the homeless story let alone put it to tape?

JENNIFER: We dropped two rating points last week Jack.

JACK: Well there you have it. It all comes to the surface, doesn't it?

JENNIFER: Yes and when Dan found out he was on his car phone. He almost drove into a truck.

JACK: Well there would be a great story for you. If there was any justice he would have just done it.

JENNIFER: You love to hold a grudge, don't you?

JACK: It's one of my most endearing qualities.

JENNIFER: One of them?

JACK: Alright, it's my only endearing quality. Now can we just call a truce here?

JENNIFER: Well we haven't settled anything Jack.

JACK: We'll settle it after dinner.

JENNIFER: We'll settle it over dinner.

JACK: Over dessert.

JENNIFER: Deal.

JACK: Deal. (Beat) Garçon?

DAVE: Yes, would you like a table now?

JACK: S'il vous plait.

JENNIFER: French? You're speaking French now?

JACK: I'm in a Continental mood.

 

THEY SIT DOWN.

 

JACK: Dave, I hope you have something very rich and appetizing in the kitchen. Something that.... that Louis XIV would have enjoyed had he had the fortune to live long enough to dine at Wings.

DAVE: Well, these are the chef's specials du jour.

 

JACK TAKES THE MENU AND PERUSES IT.

 

JACK: Hmmm, let's see I'll have some.... well how about some patØ, duck with cherry sauce, mussels a la Pierre and ah, what do you think?

JENNIFER: Huh? Well since you're the expert why don't you order for both of us Jack?

JACK: Alright, alright. I'll have some scallops, warm duck salad with a rougelet, veal with white truffels and the lady will have....

JENNIFER: Ah, the lady will have nothing.

JACK: What?

JENNIFER: I changed my mind. I'm not hungry.

JACK IS MAD. HE SLAMS THE MENU SHUT.

 

JACK: Dave, could you give us a few moments? We need to have a little discussion.

DAVE: Whatever you say.

JENNIFER: Jack I don't need a few moments. I am not going to budge about this.

JACK: About what? No you don't have to tell me what. It's the thing that's been on your mind for 24 hours straight. Howard the bum!

JENNIFER: He is a homeless person.

JACK: He is a bum!

JENNIFER: I thought you said you didn't want to fight anymore.

JACK: I thought you were giving up your hunger kick.

JENNIFER: Look I'm not doing it to spite you. I don't have time to eat, alright. You saw the promo. Dan is promising these people a series. I don't have my first interview scheduled yet.

JACK: So get up early tomorrow morning and hit the phones.

JENNIFER: He doesn't have a phone.

JACK: He.... oh Howard, he, doesn't have a phone.

JENNIFER: Yes. And you know he'll be a great interview. I just can't understand why you dislike him so much.

JACK: I just can't understand why you treat him like a second grandfather.

JENNIFER: You still think that he's the mystery man that Desirée warned us about, don't you?

JACK: It doesn't even matter what I think anymore. The fact is he's nosey, he sleeps in the garbage, he smells like garbage. Now excuse me but those are traits that I think that we can do without.

JENNIFER: Well I'm going to talk to him now.

JACK: No you are not going to talk with him running through the gutters. You're going to stay home at twelve midnight. You're not going to...

 

JENNIFER CHECKS JACK'S WATCH.

 

JENNIFER: It is 11:33.

JACK: That doesn't matter, you're not going.

JENNIFER: I'm going.

JACK: You are not.... you are not....

 

JENNIFER RUNS OFF DESPITE HIS PROTESTS.

 

JACK: Dave, put the scallops on hold. Save them for Louis.

 

 

JACK LEAVES TO FOLLOW JENNIFER.

SCENE THREE: HOWARD IS DOWN IN THE ALLEY READING THE PAPER WHEN HE HEARS JENNIFER COMING. HE TRIES TO RUN AWAY BUT SHE CATCHES UP WITH HIM FOLLOWED CLOSELY BY JACK.

 

JENNIFER: Howard, Howard.

JACK: Hey, hey.

JENNIFER: It's us, you don't have to run away.

HOWARD: I was afraid you might have been a mugger. This alley has been the sight of some rather distressing incidents.

JENNIFER: Yeah we know.

JACK: Yes, that's why we've chosen it as one of our favorite.... after hours haunts.

 

JENNIFER POKES JACK IN THE RIBS WITH HER ELBOW.

 

JENNIFER: So you been catching up on your reading?

HOWARD: Yes, the late editions have been most interesting.

JACK: You still think The Chronicle is interesting?

HOWARD: Well only because they ran this laughable story about Jimmy Hoffa.

JACK: I don't know what's so laughable about it. Every paper in town ran that.

HOWARD: But not you. You're smart enough to know a hoax when you hear it.

JACK: Why do you think the Hoffa story is a hoax?

HOWARD: I have my sources. The news you get on the street is a lot more reliable than anything The Chronicle writes. But The Spectator is different.

JACK: Oh really.

HOWARD: I'm not just saying this because I know you. I've always thought so. Your paper has better editorials, better news, better features.

JENNIFER: Well Howard, Jack works very hard.

JACK: No he doesn't.

JENNIFER: Yes he does. He just doesn't want anyone to know it.

HOWARD: Well I'm afraid your secrets out Jack. Your readers know how good you are.

JACK: I don't know what you're trying to accomplish with this flattery but it....

HOWARD: This isn't flattery. This is my honest opinion.

JACK: Let me tell you something, I don't care about you or your....

JENNIFER: Jack!

 

JENNIFER HAS NOTICED THAT HOWARD HAS GRABBED HIS CHEST AGAIN AND LOOKS VERY ILL. ALTHOUGH HE IS ACTUALLY FAKING IT, IT SEEMS TO BE ALL PART OF WHATEVER SCHEME HE AND HAWK HAVE DEVISED.

 

JACK: What?

HOWARD: Oh.... oh.

JACK: What? What's he doing now?

 

JENNIFER RUNS TO HELP HOWARD.

 

JENNIFER: How could you do that Jack?

JACK: How could I do.... I didn't do anything! I was just standing here.

JENNIFER: Howard, are you alright?

HOWARD: Just.... just give me a moment.

 

HE COUGHS AND LEANS ON A BOX.

 

JENNIFER: No, this is happened too many times. I think we need to call a doctor for you.

HOWARD: No.

JENNIFER: Look if you're worried about money, there's a free clinic on the Riverfront that we can take you to.

 

HE DOES NOT WANT TO GO FOR THEY WOULD DISCOVER THAT THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HIM.

 

HOWARD: I'm alright Jennifer, I'm alright. Oh these spells always go after I sit quietly for a minute.

JENNIFER: Alright, you just sit here and I'm going to get you some water. Just hold on.

JACK: Wait a minute. You are not going to leave me alone with him?

JENNIFER: Well it's your fault Jack. It's the least you can do to stay here with him alright.

JACK: What if the guy keels over on me. I mean I'm talking.... I am not.... if you think for one minute that I am going to give that man mouth-to-mouth resuscitation when he hasn't seen the inside of a dentist's office in twenty years you are sadly mistaken.

JENNIFER: GO GET THE WATER! Hurry, now Jack, go.

JACK: Just.... well....

 

JACK GOES OFF TO GET SOME WATER AND HOWARD TAKES A SIP.

 

HOWARD: That's most refreshing and most appreciative Jack.

JACK: Wonderful, fabulous. Well, so glad we could help you. Let's go, come on.

JENNIFER: Wait a minute Jack, I....

HOWARD: Oh Jennifer, Jennifer, there's something you wanted ask me isn't there?

JENNIFER: How did you know that?

HOWARD: Well I just guessed.

JENNIFER: Well it's about my homeless story. I wondered if you've thought about it anymore. If you would agree to do my interview.

HOWARD: Well I really haven't made up my mind yet.

JENNIFER: It's just that my producer's been promoting it all over the place and I really need to do a good job.

HOWARD: Well....

 

A CAR ALARM STARTS TO SOUND.

 

JENNIFER: What's that?

JACK: That.... that's my car alarm.

JENNIFER: Your stupid car alarm. It goes off all the time, Jack.

JACK: No, no, it's not. It's this neighborhood. I knew we shouldn't have parked here. WAIT A MINUTE.... WAAAAIT!

 

JACK RUNS BACK TO HIS CAR AND JENNIFER STAYS WITH HOWARD.

SCENE FOUR: WHILE JACK IS GONE JENNIFER CONTINUES TO TRY AND CONVINCE HOWARD TO DO THE INTERVIEW. HE HOWEVER IS STILL TO BE INTERVIEWED ON TELEVISION. JENNIFER PERSUADES HIM TO DO IF SHE CAN GET HIM ANOTHER JOB. HE SAYS THAT HE NEEDS A REFERENCE TO GET A JOB BUT SHE SAYS SHE CANNOT ASK JACK AFTER HE FIRED HIM. SHE DOES GET AN IDEA THOUGH OF HOW SHE CAN HELP HIM.

JUST THEN JACK RETURNS.

 

JACK: GOOD NEWS!

 

JENNIFER ASKS HOWARD NOT TO TELL JACK ABOUT THE REFERENCE HE NEEDS.

 

JACK: It was a false alarm.

JENNIFER: What did I tell you?

JACK: I don't remember but I'm not staying another minute in this shanty town, no offense.

HOWARD: No offense taken, I assure you. I'm.... I'm just grateful that you can come see me now and again.

JACK: Yes, well, it's.... thrilling for me too. Ah, come on it's late, let's go. Say goodbye Howard.

 

SHE WINKS AT HOWARD.

 

JENNIFER: Goodnight Howard.

HOWARD: Goodnight.

SCENE FIVE: JACK AND JENNIFER HAVE RETURNED TO THE PENTHOUSE.

 

JENNIFER: I don't know how you could be so mean to someone who likes you so much Jack.

JACK: Oh he doesn't like me. He's just doing it to bother me.

JENNIFER: No, he does not do it to bother you.

JACK: Yes he does. He most certainly does. He knows it's going to make me guilty. I mean those people are always like that.

JENNIFER: those people? Do you know what you sound like? You sound like a bigot Jack.

JACK: I am not a bigot.

JENNIFER: Then why don't you like Howard?

JACK: I....

 

THE PHONE RINGS.

 

JACK: I can either answer the question or the phone. I can't do both.

JENNIFER: Well suit yourself since you usually do.

JACK: Oooooh.... ouch!

 

JACK PICKS UP THE PHONE.

 

JACK: Hello.... hello Justin. (Beat) No, no, we weren't asleep. Um.... (Beat) You don't say. Well give her my best. (Beat) Yes, yes, certainly. I'll talk to you.