oldEpisode Three-hundred-twenty-four: Jack and
Jennifer Find out That Howard Has Died,
and in Actuality Was a Billionaire; Jennifer
Wants to Get in Touch with His Lawyer.
[Air date early August 1991]
SCENE ONE: IT IS THE NEXT DAY AND JACK IS AT WORK, READING THE LATEST NEWS THAT'S COME IN. SOMEBODY KNOCKS ON HIS OFFICE DOOR.
JACK: ALRIGHT, ALREADY, COME IN.
ALICE: Good morning.
JACK: Good.... well if you think so.
JACK THEN TURNS AROUND AND SEES ALICE.
JACK: Oh.... Mrs. Horton.
ALICE: You know is often cross in the morning until he has one of my fresh donuts. And then his mood changes completely. Take one.
SHE IS HOLDING A WHOLE BASKET FULL.
JACK: At this hour? I mean it.... it would be our pleasure, that is my pleasure.
ALICE: Well go on, take it.
JACK: I'd love to but you know something, perhaps you'd like to be more civic minded about this and you could give them all to the police. They're right around the block, you know that.
ALICE: Now where do you think I just came from. Ah, these are leftovers. I was in the neighborhood so I thought I'd like to share these with my new grandson-in-law.
JACK: Well lucky me. But what about you, don't you indulge?
ALICE: Ah, yes, yes I think I'm hungry. Aren't you going to offer me any coffee? You can't eat a donut without coffee.
JACK: Well I would but, ah, you see, my secretary's out for the day apparently. She never showed up.
ALICE: Do you mean to say you don't know how to use a coffee maker?
ACK: It's a complicated process and there's a lot of other things.... I could be doing.
ALICE: Now I am going to teach you how to use the coffee maker and then you can make the coffee for you and your secretary.
JACK: Lovely.... yes.
ALICE: Now, come on and I'm going to show you the secrets of the modern coffee machine.
JACK PICKS UP THE BASKET OF DONUTS AND ALICE PUSHES HIM OUT OF HIS OFFICE AND ALONG TO THE COFFEE MACHINE.
JACK: Holá!
SCENE TWO: AS ALICE LEAVES THE OFFICE SHE SIGNALS JENNIFER TO GO IN. JENNIFER SNEAKS IN AND GRABS A LETTERHEAD FROM JACK'S DESK. SHE PUTS IT IN THE TYPEWRITER AND TYPES OUT A REFERENCE FOR HOWARD AND FAKES JACK'S SIGNATURE.
SCENE THREE: LATER, ALICE AND JENNIFER GO DOWN TO THE ALLEY TO TRY AND FIND HOWARD SO THAT THEY CAN GIVE HIM THE REFERENCE. JENNIFER SEES A FEW GUYS THAT LOOK LIKE HIM BUT HE IS NOWHERE AROUND. ALICE DECIDES THEY SHOULD LEAVE BEFORE THEY GET INTO TROUBLE. JENNIFER IS VERY WORRIED ABOUT HOWARD.
SCENE FOUR: AND GOES TO THE HOSPITAL IN CASE HE WAS ADMITTED. JENNIFER ASKS CARLY BUT SHE KNOWS OF NOBODY LIKE HOWARD WHO WAS ADMITTED TO HOSPITAL.
SCENE FIVE: JENNIFER GOES BACK TO THE SPECTATOR TO SEE IF JACK KNOWS ANYTHING.
JENNIFER: Jack?
JACK IS READING A FAX THAT JUST ENTERS.
JENNIFER: Jack, something terrible has happened and you have to help me. Howard's missing.
JACK: Look I have to talk....
JENNIFER: No, I can't find him anywhere.
JACK: I need to talk to you about something.
JENNIFER: Is it because of what I did? Alright I'm sorry. I didn't mean to steal your letterhead.
JACK: Wait a minute, what are you talking about? You stole....
JENNIFER: I wrote a letter of recommendation for Howard. I know that you would have done it if you'd thought about it but you didn't, so I did. And I forged your name because I knew you would have wanted that too. Ultimately you would have wanted that.
JACK: You forged my signature?
JENNIFER: Yes but that doesn't matter. Howard is gone.
JACK: In more ways than one. (Beat) Look I really wouldn't worry about Howard if I were you.
JENNIFER: Look Jack, I understand how you feel about him alright. But I like him and I respect and I am worried.
JACK: The time has passed for that (Beat) and so it is for Howard. Here, come on, sit down. I've got to talk to you.
JENNIFER: What are you talking about
JACK: Just read it. Just read it for yourself.
HE HANDS JENNIFER THE FAX HE JUST RECEIVED.
JENNIFER: "Billionaire Candy Mogul Dead". Well Jack I understand current events are very important but I'm really not in the mood to read the obituaries.
JACK: Just keep reading. Look on the other side.
SHE TURNS THE PAGE OVER AND THERE IS A PICTURE OF HOWARD IN A SUIT.
JENNIFER: Oh my god! That's Howard.
JACK GOES OUT TO FIND MORE INFORMATION WHILE JENNIFER GETS OVER THE SHOCK.
SCENE SIX: A SHORT TIME LATER, JACK RETURNS WITH SOME PAPERS.
JACK: I got some more copy here.
JENNIFER: I can't believe that Howard is dead.
JACK: I can't believe the man was loaded, filthy rich. Now listen to this. Listen to this. Candy King, Howard Austin Hawkins, founder and sole owner of the Mohawk Valley Candy Co., in later years a reclusive and shadowy figure.
JENNIFER: Did you say the Mohawk Valley Candy Co.?
JACK: Ah, yes.
JENNIFER: That....
SHE GOES TO HER BAG AND GETS OUT THE KEYCHAIN THAT HOWARD HAD GIVEN HER.
JENNIFER: I knew that I had seen this before.
JACK: Well I hope so. You've carried it around in your purse for weeks.
JENNIFER: No, before Howard gave this to me. You see when I was a kid, I loved this particular kind of candy and it was the Mohawk Valley Candy Co. that made it. And this doll was on all of their packages. It was there trademark.
JACK: Well small world, huh. Just think, your little nickels were lining the pockets of that erstwhile and poverty stricken friend, that sincere and honorable Howard.
JENNIFER: Keep reading Jack, keep reading.
JACK: Okay. I certainly will. As a young man however, Hawkins created a confection that brought him millions and pleasure to children everywhere. And not incidentally, their dentists. Howard Austin Hawkins invented the jelly bean. Now see this doesn't make any sense to me. I mean this man was a billionaire. Why would he end up on skid row? This makes no sense at all. JENNIFER: Let me see that. What's area code for New York, Jack?
JACK: 212. Why, who are you calling?
JENNIFER PICKS UP THE PHONE.
JENNIFER: Hawkins' death was reported by his attorney, Chauncey Powell.
SHE DIALS THE PHONE.
JENNIFER: Yes, operator. Could you give me the number for a Chauncey Powell, Attorney at Law?
JENNIFER GETS THE NUMBER AND WRITES IT DOWN BUT JACK THINKS THIS HAS ALL GONE TOO FAR AND HE GRABS IT FROM HER.
JENNIFER: Alright.
JACK, GIVE ME THAT PAD.
JACK: Listen to me, your relationship with Howard, ends at death. That's where I draw the line. There'll be no calling this Chauncey person.
JENNIFER: It doesn't matter if you have the pad because I memorized the number. It's "212-555-6"....
JACK STARTS TO CALL OUT NUMBERS VERY FAST LIKE AN AUCTIONEER SO THAT SHE GETS CONFUSED.
JACK:" 222, 24, 26, 24"....
JENNIFER: DON'T DO THAT! DON'T MIX ME UP!
JACK: HEY, HEY, HEY!
JENNIFER: DON'T MIX UP THE NUMBERS.
JACK: So sorry.
HE DOES NOT MEAN A WORD OF IT.
JENNIFER: You know you can't stop me from doing this Jack. Howard was my friend.
JACK: Yeah, some friend! He kept everything away from you, didn't he? I'd like to say that your friend was a little of kilter from the start.
JENNIFER: Yes, I understand that. You've always made your feelings perfectly clear about Howard.
JACK: I'm very proud of the fact that I never trusted him, alright. There was something about him that smelled bad from the start, figuratively and literally. Now I'm sorry that he died. I really am. But it gets him out of our hair and I want him out of your life.
JENNIFER: Alright, I just want to know what happened to him.
JACK: Sure, sure, the same way that the little fly wants to know what the inside of the spider's living room looks like. I tell you what's wrong with him. He was up to no good, that's what was wrong with him.
JENNIFER: And how do you know that? How do you know what Howard was up to Jack?
JACK: Simple deduction tells me that. A man who was a billionaire does not.... what are you doing? You.... don't be a thief alright.
JENNIFER TAKES THE PAD BACK AND PICKS UP THE PHONE.
JENNIFER: Who are you calling a thief?
JACK: We have not discussed the matter of the filched letterhead yet.
JENNIFER: Well like you said Jack. The past is the past. (Beat) Yes, hello. Could I speak to Chauncey Powell please?
SECRETARY: Ah, Mr. Powell is out of town.
JENNIFER: Really, well do you know where he is? I really need to talk to him.
SECRETARY: Well right now he's on his way to Chicago.
JACK TRIES TO GRAB THE PHONE FROM HER BUT SHE DODGES HIM.
JENNIFER: Chicago.
JACK: Give me that.
JENNIFER: Can I call him there later today?
SECRETARY: Oh I'm afraid not. He's got a meeting and then he's catching another flight.
JENNIFER: Really, to where?
SECRETARY: To Salem. He should be there in the morning at the Salem Inn.
JENNIFER SMILES TO HERSELF.
JENNIFER: Really. Thank you, thank you so much, goodbye.
SHE HANGS UP.
JENNIFER: Well I sure hope Chauncey Powell is ready to answer some questions because I'm going to be at the Salem Inn first thing in the morning.
JACK: Oh no, no you're not.
JENNIFER: Oh yes I am. Watch me Jack.
SHE RUNS OUT OF THE OFFICE; JACK IS LEFT ANNOYED AND FRUSTRATED THAT SHE WILL NOT LEAVE THE HOWARD THING ALONE.