SCENE ONE: JACK HAS ARRIVED AT WORK AND HE HAS HIS ARM AROUND VERN'S SHOULDER AS HE TALKS.JACK: Old buddy, old pal, comrade at arms, Boswell to my....
JACK: Johnson, yes. Sancho to my....
VERN: Don Quixote.
JACK: Don Quixote.
VERN: And Fred Murtz to your Ricky Ricardo.
JACK: Ricky Ricardo. Yes that's very good.
VERN: You know boss, you are coming perilously close to being in a good mood.
JACK: Vern, I've finally seen the light.
VERN: Oh not that crazy psycho business. What kind of cocomamy woo woo are you involved with now?
JACK: Vern, I was asking myself a question. Do I really want to be involved with a crazy dead billionaire's heir. I asked myself that and I answered no. So I won't. Simple as that.
VERN: Boy I'll bet that fancy New York attorney isn't too thrilled with you Jack.
JACK: Who, Chauncey Powell? I wouldn't worry about him. What kind of mother would name their kid Chauncey anyway?
VERN: Yeah, probably the same kind that would call their kid Vernon.
JACK: It's true.
VERN: Yeah, well, listen have you called him yet?
JACK PICKS UP THE PHONE.
JACK: I'm in the process of doing so. (Beat) Hello, I'd like Chauncey Powell's room please. (Beat) Mr. Powell, this is Jack Deveraux.
CHAUNCEY: What can I do for you Mr. Deveraux?
JACK: Oh no, don't ask what you can do for me, ask what I can do for you. I'm going to do you a big favor by getting out of your life.
CHAUNCEY: I beg your pardon.
JACK: Oh no, you're going to thank me for this. Actually believe it or not, I'm rather difficult to get along with. But I'd like to ask you something, if you happen to see old Howard in the wild blue yonder before I do, send him my salutations and tell him, sorry, but the Mrs. and I have to take the old Pasa-dena on this one.
CHAUNCEY: I'm afraid I'm not following you.
JACK: Oh, no, no, no. Mrs. Deveraux and I will not and cannot take part in this adventure. Thank you very much. So we won't be seeing little Baby Howie anymore.
CHAUNCEY: You're not going to fulfill Mr. Hawkin's dying wish?
JACK: By Vern, I think he's got it. Goodbye.
JACK HANGS UP ON CHAUNCEY.
SCENE TWO: IN CHAUNCEY POWELL'S HOTEL ROOM, HAWK, HOWARD AND DESIRÉE HAVE BEEN STANDING NEXT TO CHAUNCEY THE WHOLE TIME.
CHAUNCEY: Thank you for calling. (Beat) Jack Deveraux is backing out of the deal.
HAWK: Is that right?
HOWARD: What a shame.
DESIRÉE: How do you like that?
HAWK: It's just too bad his wife isn't backing out.
CHAUNCEY: What are you talking about?
HAWK: Well just this morning I got a telephone call from the fair Jennifer asking me over for lunch, to the penthouse, today.
THEY ALL SMILE. THE PLAN IS WORKING JUST FINE. THEY KNOW THAT THEY CAN SUCKER JENNIFER AND TURN HER AGAINST JACK.
SCENE THREE: LATER THAT DAY, HAWK GOES OVER TO THE PENTHOUSE WHERE JENNIFER HAS A NICE LUNCH READY. WHILE SHE SPREPARING IT, HE HAS A GOOD LOOK AROUND AND SEEMS AMUSED BY SOME OF THEIR DECORATING IDEAS. HE KNOWS THAT HE CAN MANIPULATE HER.
JENNIFER: Do you want a lemon or a lime with that?
HAWK: No thanks, don't put yourself out on my account.
JENNIFER: Alrighty, here we go. There's one for you and for me.
JENNIFER: Oh cheers.
HAWK: Oh I couldn't help but notice over here. This is really a nice piece of topaz quartz.
JENNIFER: Oh, do you know semi-precious stones?
HAWK: And precious. I really like rare and beautiful things.
JENNIFER: You know my husband, he always picks up little objects like this in his travels. You know we've been married almost two months. Not even, I can't believe it.
HAWK: Well you're newly weds?
HAWK: I never would have guessed. I mean I've seen you two, I mean you and your husband around. I thought you'd been together for a long long time.
JENNIFER: Well actually we have. It took us a while to straighten things out enough so that we could get married.
HAWK: Yeah, well here you are, Mrs. Deveraux.
JENNIFER: Yeah. But please, call me Jennifer.
HAWK: Yeah, well thank you, I will, Jennifer.
JENNIFER: Much better.
HAWK: So will your husband be joining us?
JENNIFER: Ah, no, actually he's at work right now.
HAWK: Oh so you two have made a decision and you invited me up here to tell me what it is?
JENNIFER: Well.... we haven't exactly arrived at a decision. I mean Jack has, but I'm determined to change his mind. You see he isn't convinced that this is a very good idea.
JENNIFER: No, I don't want that to discourage you. That's why I wanted you to come here alone because I thought that maybe if I could know a little bit more about you, I could kind of explain you to Jack, you know. I mean just convince him to see things my way so we can do what your grandfather requested of us.
HAWK: Yeah well see the trouble is there's not too much to explain, you know.
JENNIFER: Well you know I'm sure you've led a very interesting life so why don't you just tell me about yourself.
HAWK: Oh well I've laid some pipeline up in Alaska and oil rigs off in Texas there and driving cattle in Montana. But mostly I just like to be out in the open. I don't care much for the cities and people in 'em, present company excluded of course. Now you said you two have been married less than two months?
HAWK: Well then, so how's married life?
JENNIFER: Well, you know it's great. It really is, so far.
HAWK: That Jack, he's just as smart as a whip. I mean Ivy League school, the whole thing.
JENNIFER: Oh yeah. Jack has a lot of knowledge, he really does. You know what, you want to sit down over here because that's really what I wanted to explain to you is that, you see it isn't easy for Jack to get really close to people.
HAWK: Well I mean somebody as smart as Jack is, I mean what do the rest of us possibly have to teach him.
JENNIFER: Well I never really thought about it quite like that. I just wish that he could be a little bit more open in his relationship with people. You know he's not very trusting.
HAWK: Well I can understand that. I mean there's some real awful types out there.
JENNIFER: Yeah, you know that's exactly how Jack sees it.
HAWK: I mean, he probably doesn't even trust me.
JENNIFER: No, he doesn't.
HAWK: Well there's not one whole reason in the whole gosh darn world why he should, you know. I mean he doesn't know me. Why should he even lift one little finger just for me?
JENNIFER: You know what? Jack feels the same way.
HAWK: Well I'm beginning to understand why my gramps thought so much of him. I mean Jack knows enough to just look over his shoulder and hold onto what he has.
JENNIFER: Well.... you know maybe you feel that way. But I've always believed that most people are good and your grandfather was very nice to me and I would like to see his will carried out.
HAWK: Well, you don't owe me anything Jennifer.
JENNIFER: Yeah but I owe Howard. (Beat) You know I have been talking your ear off and you're probably starving. So why don't we go into the dining room and we'll have some lunch and we can talk some more.
HAWK: Okie dokie.
JENNIFER: Alright, how's that?
HAWK: Oh excuse me, after you.
JENNIFER: Oh, sure, thanks.
HE FOLLOWS HER INTO THE DINING ROOM WITH A BIG SMILE ON HIS FACE. THE PLAN IS WORKING JUST FINE. SHE IS BLINDLY FALLING FOR ALL HIS LINES.
SCENE FOUR: THEY HAVE HAD LUNCH AND HAWK HAS CARRIED THE COFFEE TRAY INTO THE LIVING ROOM FOR JENNIFER. HE CONTINUES WITH HIS ACT, AND THOUGH IT IS RATHER OBVIOUS THAT HE IS SCAMMING, HER SHE IS TOO NIAVE TO NOTICE.
JENNIFER: Well you have led a very interesting life.
HAWK: Well I've moved around a lot.
JENNIFER: Well I bet you've seen and observed a lot.
HAWK: Seen and observed. There's a difference isn't there? I mean you're a journalist. You have a trained eye. What's the most outlandish thing you've ever seen?
JENNIFER: Outlandish? Oh gosh I don't know.
HAWK: Oh come on. Who's made the biggest impression on you, like a mayor or a celebrity or something?
JENNIFER: Oh well, if you want to talk about who made the greatest impression on me recently, it would have to be this woman whom Jack and I met when we were on our honeymoon in Los Angeles.
HAWK: Los Angeles? What was it, a movie star?
JENNIFER: A movie star? No, DesirĜe was very far from my idea of a movie star.
HAWK: Desire, that's an unusual name.
JENNIFER: Her name is really DesirĜe but she called herself Desire. She's a fortune teller.
HAWK: Well now I'm interested.
JENNIFER: Well do you believe that there are people who can see the future?
HAWK: Well I believe there are a lot people who can see an easy buck. But did she tell your fortune?
JENNIFER: She told me that this man was going to come into my life and change it completely which just sent Jack into an uproar. I mean poor Jack was looking into corners, he was looking under things, convinced that DesirĜe's mystery man was going to spirit me away.
HAWK: Well I can't blame a guy for being protective. So now what happened when ever this DesirĜe's prediction didn't come true?
JENNIFER: Well, um, I think it did. I mean it seemed that way to me.
HAWK: What, you mean it came true?
JENNIFER: Well you see I met Howard not long after Jack and I came back to Salem.
HAWK: Oh but that didn't exactly change your life.
JENNIFER: I don't know, I don't know, maybe not.
HAWK: Okay, well it is a coincidence. I've got to hand you that. But you don't think that Gramps was the man she had in mind, do you?
JENNIFER LOOKS CLOSELY AT HAWK AND THINKS HARD ABOUT THAT. HOWEVER SHE AVOIDS AN ANSWER.
JENNIFER: Um, you know what, why don't you tell me what happened between you and your grandfather to put you on the outs with each other.
HAWK: Oh it's a long story.
JENNIFER: Are you in a hurry?
HAWK: Well, no thank you. Well you see Jennifer, I'm just a cowboy at heart. I always was and probably always will be. I love being around horses and I love being around out in the outdoors. I mean rain or shine, the only thing I want between me and the sky is maybe my hat.
SHE LAUGHS AT EVERYTHING HE SAYS.
HAWK: I just crave the open land and I just crave the smell of horse dung.
JENNIFER IS GIGGLING AGAIN AS JACK COMES IN THE DOOR AND HEARS HAWK'S LAST COMMENT.
SCENE FIVE: JACK JUST COME HOME TO FIND JENNIFER ENTERTAINING HAWK, HE IS SOMEWHAT JEALOUS.
JACK: WHOA, EEEEW! They haven't shoveled nearly the amount of manure out there in the ranges as they are in here. Huh!
JENNIFER: Excuse me. (Beat) Um, Jack, I can't believe you just said that.
JACK: I can't believe that you're believing him. Now that is unbelievable.
JENNIFER: Um, Hawk, I'm very sorry.
JACK: Now you're apologizing to him.
JENNIFER: I'm apologizing to him because he's my guest.
JACK: Oh I see. Oh you invited him here.
JENNIFER: Yes, Jack, for lunch.
JACK: Yes, yes, the same way that (This is an allusion to Kitty Kelley's book that implied Nancy Reagan, while First Lady, had a fling with Frank Sinatra in the White House) Nancy invited Frank to the White House for a bight.
JENNIFER: Come on Jack, it's what civilized people do when they want to get to know somebody.
JACK: Huh, uh. And you want to get to know him?
JENNIFER: Well we are going to be involved with him. I thought we should at least know something about him.
JACK: No, we are not going to get involved with him so he can leave now.HAWK: Oh come on folks, I mean this really isn't necessary is it?
JACK AND JENNIFER: YES IT IS!
JACK: Yes. I suggest you stay out of it unless you're ready to go back to the manure fields sooner than you think.
JENNIFER: Now come on Jack, can't you just reconsider and give Hawk a chance?
JACK: I believe it's too late for that.
JENNIFER: No, I don't think it's too late.
JACK: Yes it is. I talked to the good lawyer this morning. We had a chat and I officially nixed the whole thing. So, I guess it's a dead issue. Oh, no offense to the dead grandfather.
HAWK: Ah, none taken.
JENNIFER: Jack you are incredible, do you know that. I can't believe you called Chauncey Powell and you didn't even tell me.
JACK: I told you I was going to do it. Sorry you didn't take me seriously.
JENNIFER: Well, I thought that you could listen to reason maybe, first.
JACK: There is nothing reasonable about this whole experience.
WHILE THEY ARE ARGUING, HAWK QUIETLY SLIPS OUT, VERY CONTENT THAT HE GOT WHAT HE WANTED. JACK AND JENNIFER FIGHTING AND JENNIFER THINKING THAT JACK IS IRRATIONAL AND UNTRUSTING TO A REALLY NICE "GENUINE GUY" LIKE HAWK. THEY CONTINUE TO ARGUE.
JACK: Now, I think we should just let the whole thing just slide and put it all behind us and then.... why I believe, he just left us.
JENNIFER: Nice going Jack, you just chased our company away.JACK: Well good for us. Now if we're lucky, he won't come back.
SCENE SIX: THAT NIGHT, ISABELLA HAS ARRANGED A SURPRISE ENGAGEMENT PARTY FOR HERSELF AND ROMAN. SHE HAS INVITED JACK AND JENNIFER BUT JACK DOES NOT REALLY WANT TO GO. JENNIFER WALKS OUT TO THE LIVING ROOM, ALL DRESSED AND READY. JACK IS SITTING ON THE SOFA.
JENNIFER: Come on, you better hurry and get dressed. We're going to be late for the party.
JACK: Um, what's a four letter word for I'm not going?
JENNIFER: Oh come on Jack, it'll be fun.
JACK: I've had my own quota of fun for the day, thank you.
JENNIFER: Alright, well don't wait up for me then.
JACK: What do you mean, don't wait up for me?
JENNIFER: Well it's just an expression. It means I'll see you when I see you.
JACK: Meaning you're going?
JENNIFER: Yeah, of course I'm going.
JACK: Meaning alone, without me?
JENNIFER: Well that's the idea if you're not going.
JACK: Give me a few minutes.
JENNIFER: For what?
JACK: Just let me get ready and change.
JENNIFER: Oh! (Beat) Are you coming?
JACK: Well somebody has to make sure you don't bring home anymore indigent crazy billionaires.JENNIFER: Are you sure you want to go?
JACK PUTS ON A FAKE SMILE.
JACK: Oh I most certainly want to go. But I most certainly do not want to have a good time.
JENNIFER: Certainly not Jack.
HE WALKS TO THE BEDROOM.
JENNIFER: It's like taking candy from a baby.
JACK: What was that?
JENNIFER: Nothing, nothing. I was just talking to myself and I was saying how happy I am that you decided to go.
SHE SMILES TO HERSELF.
SCENE SEVEN: A FEW MINUTES LATER SHE IS STILL WAITING FOR HIM TO COME OUT OF THE BEDROOM.
JENNIFER: Jack hurry up. We're already late.
JACK: You called?
HE WALKS OUT DRESSED IN HIS PAJAMAS AND ROBE AND CARRYING THE TV GUIDE.
JENNIFER: Why aren't you dressed? You said you'd be ready in two minutes.
JACK: Well I said that when I intended to go.
JENNIFER: You changed your mind again?
JACK: There is a major marathon in Victory at Sea tonight and I am not going to miss it.
JENNIFER: Jack you have seen those old documentaries a zillion times.
HE WAGS THE REMOTE AT HER.
JACK: Yes and everytime you watch them you learn something new.
SHE GRABS THE REMOTE.
JENNIFER: Don't do this to Isabella....
JACK: Wait a minute.
JENNIFER: .... because you're mad at me.
JACK: I am not mad at you.
JENNIFER: Yes you are mad at me.
JACK: If I was mad at anyone, it would be that old fool Howard that you pulled out of the alley.
JENNIFER: Then you are mad at me.
JACK: No I'm not.
JENNIFER: For finding Howard.
JACK: I would feel a little better if he had bequeathed a little more to us than the babysitting duties with a degenerate grandson.
JENNIFER: Jack, Hawk is very nice if you would just give him a chance.
JACK: There you go, taking sides against me again.
JENNIFER: I am not taking sides. You're the one who's mad at me.
JACK: I AM NOT MAD AT ANYBODY, ALRIGHT! I think.... I think you should just go to the party by yourself and have a good time and.... give me back that remote control.
JENNIFER: No, forget it.
SHE PUTS IT DOWN THE FRONT OF HER DRESS.
JACK: Oh well if that's the way we're going to play it, fine.
HE WALKS OVER AND TURNS THE TV ON AT THE SET BUT SHE PRESSES THE REMOTE IMMEDIATELY AND TURNS IT OFF. HE DOES THE SAME THING AND ONCE AGAIN SHE PRESSES IT OFF WITH THE REMOTE. NEXT TIME HE TURNS IT ON HE STANDS IN FRONT OF THE TV SET SO THAT SHE CANNOT USE THE REMOTE.
SHE GIVES IN AND THROWS THE REMOTE ON THE SOFA.
JACK: Thank you.
HE WALKS OVER AND SITS DOWN AGAIN BUT SHE GOES OVER AND PULLS THE PLUG OUT OF THE WALL.
JACK: DON'T! DON'T UNPLUG IT.JACK: Plug it in.
SHE HOLDS THE PLUG UP IN VICTORY.
JACK: I said, plug it in.
JENNIFER: I SAID NO.
JACK: I SAID, PLUG IT IN!
JACK: Jennifer, I said.... I SAID....
JENNIFER: Alright, I'll plug it in on one condition. That you go to the party with me.
JACK: But then I'm going to miss Victory at Sea.
JENNIFER: TAPE THE STUPID VICTORY AT SEA, JACK.
SHE PLUGS THE TV BACK IN AND PUTS IN A TAPE ON THE VCR.
JACK: Listen, you don't want me to go. I'm going to be a wet blanket. I'm going to be a limp noodle. I'll be the proverbial....
JENNIFER: YOU'RE ALREADY A LIMP NOODLE SO IT DOESN'T MATTER.
JACK: Now wait a minute. That's a low blow.
SHE DRAGS HIM TOWARDS THE BEDROOM AND HE TRIPS ON THE RUG ON THE WAY.
JACK: OUCH! Oh careful, somebody could trip over that thing and break their neck.
SCENE EIGHT: A WHILE LATER, JENNIFER IS STILL WAITING FOR HIM TO GET READY.
JENNIFER: Jack, is there a problem? What's taking you so long?
HE COMES OUT ALL DRESSED AND READY.
JACK: I'm just trying to look presentable.
JENNIFER: You look great, you look marvelous.
SHE GIVES HIM A BIG KISS.
JACK: Thank you.
JENNIFER: Come on.
SHE WALKS TO THE DOOR BUT HE STOPS.
JENNIFER: After you.
JACK: No, no, after you.
JENNIFER: No, no, after you.
JACK: No, no, after you.
JENNIFER: After you Jack.
JACK: No, after you.
JENNIFER: This is ridiculous. Let's not start.
JACK TURNS BACK.
JACK: Well I don't have to go, I mean.
JENNIFER: No, Jack, you are not going to get out of it that easily.
JACK: I just don't know why I have to go.
JENNIFER: I want you to go. Isn't that a good enough reason?
JACK: Look, I don't know why it's so important. I'm just going to be real drag on you the whole evening.
JENNIFER: Let's not argue anymore okay. Let's call a truce. At least for tonight.
JACK: Alright, as long as there's no discussion of Howard or wills or degenerate grandsons or anything that pertains to the above.
JENNIFER: Alright, I can go with that.
JACK: Because if there is a mention of any one of the above, all bets are off. Agreed?
THEY SHAKE HANDS.
JENNIFER: Come on.
JENNIFER: Come on, let's have a nice night.
JACK: We'll have a lovely time.
THEY OPEN THE DOOR AND HAWK IS STANDING THERE. HE JUST WALKS RIGHT ON IN PAST THEM CARRYING A SUITCASE.