SCENE ONE: ONE OF THE WORST STORMS IN SALEM'S HISTORY HAS CAUSED ACCIDENTS AND DISASTERS. THE NEW TRAUMA CENTER IS PACKED WITH PEOPLE AND PATIENTS.CARLY AND MARCUS ARE ON ER DUTY. BO IS THERE TOO.
ALICE AND TOM ARE HELPING OUT.
JENNIFER NEVER DID GET TO BED. SHE HAS BEEN CALLED DOWN TO DO A LIVE REPORT FROM THE TRAUMA CENTER. AFTER HER REPORT, SHE CALLS DAN AND HE WANTS HER TO GO DOWN TO THE STATION BECAUSE THEY WILL BE LIVE ON AIR ALL NIGHT. ALICE IS WORRIED ABOUT HER GETTING THERE BUT JENNIFER THINKS IT WILL BE FINE. JENNIFER RUNS OUT.
SCENE TWO: JENNIFER ARRIVES SAFELY AT THE STUDIO. DAN TELLS HER WHAT HE WANTS HER TO DO.
DAN: Jennifer Baby, I really appreciate you standing by for me.
JENNIFER: Sure, whatever you say Dan.
DAN: Now, you'll have to stay all night.
JENNIFER: That's alright. It's not like I have anything to go home to.
DAN: Hey, Kiddo, you stick with me and you'll be going home to a house full of Emmys.
JENNIFER: Yeah right, thanks Dan.
SHE SITS HERSELF AT THE ANCHOR DESK AND GETS READY TO BROADCAST. SUDDENLY A HUGE CLAP OF THUNDER SOUNDS OUT AND THE POWER GOES OUT.
JENNIFER: Oh that's perfect.
SHE HEARS FOOTSTEPS IN THE STUDIO.
JENNIFER: Dan, is that you?
SHE GETS UP AND MOVES DOWN FROM THE DESK.
JENNIFER: Dan, we have to do something about the lights. (Beat) Dan, where did you go? We have to do something about the lights. Is there anyone here who can do something about the lights?
SOMEBODY WALKS UP BEHIND HER AND SHE SCREAMS.
JENNIFER: ARRRRGGGH!
SHE TURNS AROUND AND HITS THE MAN AND HE FLIES ACROSS THE FLOOR.
SCENE THREE: THE LIGHTS COME BACK ON, REVEALING THAT IT IT IS JACK!JACK: OUCH! Oh Jennifer, it's me. It's Jack!
JENNIFER: Jack?
JACK: Yes, why did you hit me?
JENNIFER: Because I didn't know it was you. I wish I had.
JACK: Why?
JENNIFER: Because I would have hit you harder.
HE IS LYING ON THE FLOOR AND NOT HAPPY ABOUT THAT. SHE GOES BACK TO HER DESK AND HE GETS UP. HE IS WEARING A BLACK TUX AND CARRYING A BAG CRAMMED WITH STUFF.
JACK: Arrrrgh.... ouch.
JENNIFER: What are you doing here Jack?
JACK: Well, since Mohammed wouldn't come to the mountain, I brought the mountain to Mohammed. I'm here to woo you.JENNIFER: To what me?
JACK: To woo you, to win you, to sweep you off your feet. I've everything that anyone would ever want for a romantic evening. I've got music, I've got candles, I've got a rented tux, I've got scratch and sniff samples of Possession for Men.
JENNIFER: Forget it Jack. You couldn't be romantic if you tried.
JACK: I beg your pardon. I have been romantic on many an occasion.
JENNIFER: Oh really, name one.
JACK: On, ah.... what about that big night last August?
JENNIFER: Oh yes, that big night you took me to the Cubs game.
JACK: Hey that was helmet night.
JENNIFER: I rest my case, Jack.
JACK: Wait a minute, Jennifer, if you.... wait a minute.... ouch! Look what you.... oh, it's got to be easier than this.
AS SHE WALKS AWAY SHE KNOCKS HIS BAG ONTO THE FLOOR.
JACK: JENNIFER!
SCENE FOUR: HE STARTS TO FOLLOW HER AROUND THE DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE STUDIO COMPLEX. SHE RUNS PAST DRESSING ROOMS AND ALONG INTO THROUGH STAGE 4 DOOR MARKED WITH THE NAME: ASK DR. LOVE.
JACK: Oh I got you now.
HE RUNS ALONG STILL CARRYING HIS BAG OF TRICKS. SHE DUCKS DOWN AND HIDES AND THEN RUNS ACROSS THE STAGE.
JENNIFER: What am I going to do?
SHE FINDS A HIDING PLACE ON THE SET AS HE COMES IN THE STAGE DOOR.
JACK: Helloooo.... Jennifer? Oh well.
WHILE THEY ARE IN THERE THE NIGHT GUARD COMES ALONG AND PUSHES THE STAGE DOOR SHUT. IT HAS A WARNING SIGN ON IT: "WARNING! DOOR LOCK IS ON AUTOMATIC TIMER." JENNIFER COMES OUT OF HIDING AND IS WALKING ACROSS THE STAGE OF ASK DR. LOVE WHEN APPLAUSE SCREAMS OUT AROUND HER.
JENNIFER: What....
JACK IS STANDING NEAR THE DOOR HOLDING THE SOUND EFFECTS CONTROL. HE IS FIDDLING WITH IT MAKING ALL SORTS OF SOUNDS AND PRETENDING THAT HE DOES NOT SEE HER AT FIRST.JACK: Oh, hi! Heheheheh
JENNIFER: What is that Jack?
JACK: Why this is an applause machine. They use them a lot around here. You realize of course that we're on the set of Ask Dr. Love?
JENNIFER: I never heard of it.
JACK: Oh this is Vern's favorite show. He begged me to do a special report on it once for the paper. And it's really quite a fascinating subject. All about.... love and marriage. You see these couples come in, married couples and then Tony.... well that's Dr. Love, he shoots all these questions at them about.... well about love and marriage. You can actually learn quite a bit.
JENNIFER: Well good. You would have to Jack.
SHE WALKS TOWARDS THE DOOR.
JACK: What is that.... what is that supposed to mean Jennifer?
JENNIFER: Don't call me again, Jack.
JACK: Wait, listen, I tell you something.
JENNIFER: Don't....
JACK: Listen I could tell you a thing or....
I SHE GETS TO THE DOOR WITH HIM RIGHT BEHIND HER. IT IS LOCKED.
JENNIFER: What did you do to the door?
JACK: I didn't do anything to the door.
JENNIFER: You locked the door.
JACK: I did not lock the door.
JENNIFER: SOMEBODY, PLEASE.
SHE BANGS ON THE DOOR.
JACK: I did not lock the door, believe me.
JENNIFER: HELP, IS SOMEBODY OUT THERE, PLEASE?
SCENE FIVE: JACK AND JENNIFER ARE LOCKED IN A STUDIO SOUND STAGE, JENNIFER IS CALLING; EVENTUALLY, OUTSIDE, DAN HEARS JENNIFER.
JENNIFER: DAN!
DAN: Jennifer.
JACK: Hi Dan.
JENNIFER: You got to open this door. It's locked.
DAN: I can't, it's on timer lock. I got to call security to get you out of there.
JENNIFER: Alright, then call security. Call them right now.
A SECURITY GUARD WALKS UP.
GUARD: I'm afraid that won't help Mr. Ryan. See this storm has knocked out the main circuit. We're not going to be able to open any of these studio doors until tomorrow morning.
JENNIFER: Tomorrow morning? You can't be serious.
DAN: I don't know Jen. He looks pretty serious to me.
JENNIFER: Dan, just figure out something to do. You've got to get these doors open.
DAN: Yeah babe, we'll do anything we can. Just hold tight okay.
DAN AND THE GUARD WALK AWAY. JACK IS ENJOYING THEIR PREDICAMENT.
JENNIFER: If you say so much as one word to me Jack, you will not live till morning.
JACK TURNS ON THE APPLAUSE AGAIN. JENNIFER IS MAD. HE TRIES TO TURN IT OFF BUT IT KEEPS GOING JUST A BIT TOO LONG.
SCENE SIX: STILL STUCK IN THE ASK DR. LOVE SOUND STAGE, JACK DECIDES ON A NEW PLAN TO "WOO" JENNIFER.
JENNIFER: Is there anyone who can open this door?
JACK: You know, don't you know when to give up?
JENNIFER: Don't you, Jack?
JACK: You know I just had a crazy idea. I was just thinking. We're stuck here with a lot of time on our hands. Let's say.... well why not.... let's play a couple of games of Ask Dr. Love?
JENNIFER: Let's not.
JACK: What's the matter? You afraid you don't know as much about love as you think you do?
JENNIFER: Heheheh. hardly!
JACK: Well, perhaps you're not as competent in your statistical prowess as you'd like others to believe.
JENNIFER: I know a lot more about statistics than you do Jack.
KNOWING JENNIFER, JACK KNOWS SHE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO PASS UP AN OPPURTUNITY TO SHOW HIM OFF.
JACK: Prove it.
JENNIFER: What is the number one reason women leave their husband?
JACK: I have no idea.
JENNIFER: I'm not surprised.
JACK: You know.... you know something, you know, if you were playing this game right now, you would be.... you'd be ten points ahead. Ten points!
JENNIFER: How many points do you need to win?
JACK: Five hundred.
JENNIFER: I don't trust you not to cheat Jack.
JACK: I wouldn't ch.... listen I can't cheat. There's no way I can cheat with this game, alright. It's set up by computer. You just put in your answer, the computer computes it and it shows up on the scoreboard. (Beat) So what do you say? (Beat) Are you up for a game?
JENNIFER IS INTRIGUED ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF BEATING HIM AT ANYTHING.
JENNIFER: I don't know. I'll have to think about it.
JACK: Sorry to ask while you're thinking but just out of curiosity, what is the number one reason why women leave their husbands?
JENNIFER: Because they're not romantic enough.
JACK: I knew I'd be sorry I asked that.
JENNIFER: What do I get if I win?
JACK: I don't know, let's make it interesting. Let's say, the winner can make the loser do whatever he wants, within reason of course.
JENNIFER: Or whatever she wants!
JACK: Within reason.... of course.
JENNIFER: (Beat) You're on Jack.
JACK: Alright! You come right this way. Step right up here. You are Contestant no 1.
JENNIFER: Alright.
JACK: I'm going to step right over here to Dr. Tony's perch. Here's the questions.
JENNIFER: Alright.
JACK: I'll start turning everything on.
JACK PRESSES ALL THE BUTTONS AND THE STAGE LIGHTS UP WITH ALL THE PRIZES ON DISPLAY IN DIFFERENT WINDOWS. THE SCOREBOARD LIGHTS UP TOO.
JACK: Hahahahah. Lights, cameras, actions. Here's our friend Mr. Applause.
JENNIFER: Alright.JACK: I'll hop right over here to Contestant no 2 and....
LET THE GAMES BEGIN. JENNIFER PULLS UP HER SLEEVES IN ANTICIPATION.
JENNIFER: Okay.
SCENE SEVEN: THEY BEGIN TO PLAY AND VERY SOON JACK'S SCORE IS 200 AND JENNIFER'S IS 150. JACK REALLY IS ENJOYING THE FACT THAT HE IS WINNING.
JACK: Right again. HAHAHAHAH. What a game, huh?
JENNIFER IS REALLY MAD.JACK: Ah, yes, well, next question. (Beat) "According to psychologists, what do husbands and wives fight about more, love or money?"
JENNIFER: Love.
JACK: And I say money.
JENNIFER: Well that's because that's all you care about Jack.
JACK: False!
JENNIFER: True!
JACK: Well, let's see what Mr. Computer has to say about it?
JACK PRESSES THE ANSWER BUTTON. THE ANSWER *IS* "FALSE." JACK LAYS IT ON EVEN MORE.
JACK: MONEY! YES, I'M RIGHT AGAIN. (Imitating Rob Synder's character from Saturday Night Live.) THE JACKSTER, THE OLD JACKO, THE JACKMEISTER, THE JACKMEISTER, YES, YES, THE JACKMEISTER WINS AGAIN! YES.... WOOO.... WOOO.... WOOO!
HE IS REALLY GLOATING ABOUT THIS.
JENNIFER: Do you have to do that everytime you get a point Jack?
JACK: Come on now, remember, let's not be sore losers.
JENNIFER: I will die before I let you win Jack Deveraux.
SCENE EIGHT: A LITTLE LATER, THE GAME CONTINUES AND JENNIFER GETS TO 400 WHILE JACK HAS 380. NOW JACK IS BUMMED AND JENNIFER IS THE ONE WHO IS GLOATING.
JENNIFER: YES, YES, YES, THE JENNIFER, THE JENNIFER MAN, THE JENNIFER EEEERGH, THE JENNIFERMEISTER. WHOA, WHOA. Boy this really is a lot of fun Jack, don't you think? Come on, next question. Come on Jack.
JACK: Yes. (Beat) According to leading surveys, where do women say they like to be touched during lovemaking?
JENNIFER: Hmmm.
JACK: Oh come now, it's not that.... just think back a little.
JENNIFER: Why don't you just repeat the question please?
JACK: "According to leading surveys, where do most women say they like to be touched during love....
JENNIFER: In the bedroom.
JACK: That's your answer?JENNIFER: Yes.
JACK: Lots of luck.
HE PRESSES THE ANSWER BUTTON AND SHE IS RIGHT!
JACK: In.... In the bedroom?
JENNIFER SCREAMS IN DELIGHT.
JENNIFER: Heheheh.
JACK: Wait a minute, that's not an answer, that's a bad joke.
JENNIFER: What do you mean a bad joke, Jack? I am enjoying it immensely.
SHE RUNS OVER TO HIS APPLAUSE CONTROL AND TURNS IT ON.
JACK: Now wait a minute....
APPLAUSE SCREAMS OUT OVER THE STUDIO.
JENNIFER: And so is the audience Jack!
SHE KEEPS PRESSING THE APPLAUSE ON AND WHISTLING IN HIS FACE.
SCENE NINE: AFTER THE NEXT SET OF QUESTIONS, SHE HAS 490 AND HE HAS 480.JACK: Alright, alright, this is the last question. Whoever gets this one, wins the game.
JENNIFER: Alright, well you better get ready for you consolation prizes Jack because I'm going to win! And you're not going to believe what you're going to have to do then.
JACK: (His voice cracking) Are you going to ask me for a divorce?
SHE IS SILENT FOR A FEW SECONDS BECAUSE SHE REALLY DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO ANSWER THAT. IT IS OBVIOUS THAT SHE DOES NOT WANT THAT EITHER.
JENNIFER: Why don't you just ask the question Jack?
JACK: Right. (Beat) Alright, for the game, match and grand prize. "True or false? According to the national bureau of" (Jack's voice crack).... "of statistics, the reason cited most often by women filing for divorce was their husband's inability".... "to be romantic." (Beat) Wait, wait a minute. Before you.... before you try to answer that there's something I need to do.
JENNIFER: What are you talking about?
JACK: Just.... just take a pause for station identification, something, I don't care.
JENNIFER: What are you doing? Jack, we're playing the game.
JACK: Just give it a minute here. I just....
HE GETS OUT HIS BAG AND SEARCHES THROUGH FOR SOMETHING.
JACK: Here.
HE HANDS HER A BUNCH OF LIMP LOOKING FLOWERS THAT HE HAD IN HIS BAG.JENNIFER: What is this for?
JENNIFER: This is for you.... and so is this.
JENNIFER: This.... uh?
JACK: Look I know what you think of me. You think I'm a cold fish, an unfeeling, unromantic, money grubbing.... fish. Well I tell you something, I can be just as romantic as the next.... as the next fish.
JACK (CONT.): And I'm going to show you.
JENNIFER: You know Jack, why don't we finish the game first?
JACK: No, no, this will just take a minute.
JENNIFER: I was just about to win.
JACK GETS A CASSETTE PLAYER OUT OF HIS BAG AND RUNS UP ONTO THE STAGE.
JACK: It won't take long at all.
SCENE TEN: HE PRESSES PLAY AND JACK STARTS TO SING TO THE MUSIC OF THE FAMOUS JOHNNY MATHIS SONG, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL! HE IS TOTALLY OUT OF TUNE AND TIMING.
JACK: Sometimes we walk hand in hand by the sea and we breathe in the cool.... salty air.
THE SOUNDSTAGE HAS DIFFERENT STEP-UP LEVELS, EACH OF WHICH HAS A DIFFERENT PRIZE. JACK TRIES TO DANCE UP AND DOWN THESE LEVELS, IN TIME WITH THE MUSIC. HOWEVER, HIS DANCING IS AS BAD AS HIS SINGING. THE WHOLE PERFORMANCE IS THE ACT OF A DESPERATE MAN WHO IS VERY MUCH IN LOVE.JACK: You turn to me with a kiss in your eyes and my heart.... my heart....
JENNIFER'S HEART COMPLETELY MELTS SEEING HOW MUCH HE LOVES HER AND WANTS HER BACK.JACK: And I say to myself it's wonderful.... wonderful.... oh so wonderful.... my love.
HE BENDS DOWN AND TURNS OFF THE MUSIC. JACK SIGHS. HE WALKS UP IN FRONT OF HER.JACK: I've never really sung for anyone before.... and now you know why. (Beat) I consider it silly, frivolous and.... possibly unmanly. (Beat) The only thing more.... foolish than singing however is me singing a Johnny Mathis song.
JENNIFER CANNOT HELP SMILING.
JACK: I was however willing to set aside these deeply felt and long standing beliefs.... for you. (Beat) I just thought I'd say that. (Beat) Well I guess we better finish the game.
HE WALKS BACK TO HIS STAND.JENNIFER: How did you do that?
JACK: Humiliate myself?
JENNIFER: Make me feel the way I did on our wedding day.
JACK SLOWLY LOOKS UP, ALMOST AFRAID TO THINK THAT SHE WANTS HIM BACK.JACK: Are you serious?
SHE NODS AND HE TRIES NOT TO SMILE. HE ASKS HER THE QUESTION AGAIN, BUT MORE CONFIDENTLY.JACK: Ah, "True or false? According to the National Bureau of Statistics, the reason cited most often by women filing for divorce was their husband's inability to be romantic."
JENNIFER: False.
JACK: Wait a minute, you know that.... you know....
JENNIFER: I said false, Jack. See what the answer is on the computer.
HE PRESSES THE ANSWER BUTTON AND HIS SIDE LIGHTS UP AS THE WINNER. BELLS AND WHISTLES AND SIRENS ALL SOUND TOGETHER.
JACK: Well what do you know, it looks like I won.
JENNIFER: That's right, you did. I guess you get one of those prizes.
JACK: Yeah, I suppose so. The computer's supposed to pick it out for you.... accordingly.
JENNIFER: Well why don't we see what the computer picked for you? Ready?
SHE GOES OVER TO DR. LOVE'S STAND AND PRESSES THE PRIZE BUTTON. THE MUSIC PLAYS AS THE COMPUTER SCANS THE PRIZES AND THE CENTER ONE LIGHTS UP. IT'S A LARGE BED WITH VERY ROMANTIC LINEN AND A SCALLOPED CANOPY OVER THE TOP. THEY BOTH LOOK AT EACH OTHER.
JENNIFER: Oh well.... I guess you probably wanted the car.
JACK: Heh, well.... well not necessarily no.
JENNIFER: Well what do you want?
JACK: I beg your pardon, what did you say?
SHE SMILES AT HIM.
JENNIFER: You won, you have the right to make me do anything you want.
JACK: (Uncertain) I would like.... I would like to have you.... help me inspect my prize.
JENNIFER: Okay.
HE IS REALLY SCARED THAT HE WILL DO OR SAY THE WRONG THING. HE SIGHS HEAVILY AND THEN FOLLOWS HER UP ON THE STAGE AND ALONG TO THE BED. SHE WALKS TO ONE SIDE AND HE WALKS TO THE OTHER. SHE PATS THE BED TO SEE HOW COMFORTABLE IT IS. THEN HE BOUNCES ONTO IT AND SHE DOES THE SAME.
JACK: Jennifer....
JENNIFER: Jack?
JACK: What?
JENNIFER: For once in your life, quit while you're ahead.
SHE LEANS OVER AND KISSES HIM. HE RESPONDS FOR A MOMENT.
THEN STOPS, AND PULLS AWAY.JACK: Wait a minute, wait a minute, I mean this, if you're not.... if you're not sure, then I....
JENNIFER: I'm very sure. (Beat) Under one condition.
JACK: What's that?
JENNIFER: That you never ever sing that song again.
JACK SHRUGS.
JACK: Okay.
THEY FALL INTO EACH OTHER'S ARMS.
