SCENE ONE: IT IS THE NEXT DAY AND JACK IS WORKING AT THE SPECTATOR AS THE MAIL BOY. HE IS PUSHING A TROLLEY AROUND AND DISTRIBUTING MAIL. HE'S STILL WEARING THE DOORMAN'S UNIFORM WITH A T-SHIRT UNDERNEATH THE COAT.
JACK: Alright, MAIL CALL, MAIL CALL. Oh here you go.
HE THROWS MAIL TO ONE PERSON AND MISSES.
JACK: Oh, sorry about that. Duck and cover, duck and cover, duck and cover. Got your mail right here folks. Duck and cover. Oh, right there. Good shot. Duck and cover, duck and cover....
VERN: Hey Jack, we got to talk.
JACK: Wait a minute. Sorry Vern I can't talk. Neither rain, snow, sleet nor filing cabinets will stop this mail man from....
VERN: Wait a minute, what's with the monkey suit?
JACK: What is.... Vern you know my situation. Jennifer's got my clothes stashed someplace. I've been a leisure suit and an old rented tux for nearly a month. You know the neighbors partitioned to have be re-zoned as a toxic dump but I was thinking really quickly. I rented the doorman's uniform. I mean at least he cleans his.
VERN: What did you use for money? You're broke.
JACK: Why do you think I'm working here.
VERN: Oh not for long Jack. Your mailroom days are over.
JACK: HAH, a promotion right. I knew it was coming. I was a little over qualified for that job anyway. But I tell you something, those gold brickers down there in the mailroom, the complain about everything. I tell you, what's the point. The job is so simple. Any two year old could do it.
VERN: Yeah, they did it wrong.
JACK: What do you mean, did it wrong?
VERN: I found these in my office.
JACK: Correction, my office.
JACK TAKES THE STACK OF MAIL THAT VERN IS HOLDING AND LOOKS THROUGH IT.
VERN: Dream on Jack.
VERN GRABS THE MAIL BACK.
VERN: Now, here's one for Herv, in accounting. Here's one for Henrietta in circulation. And the rest of them you left for me are all outgoing.
JACK: You know that job isn't easy Vern. You know you should pay me a lot more to work down there in that mail room. It's not easy to work down there.
JENNIFER WALKS IN RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CONVERSATION.
JENNIFER: Vern could you spare Jack for a minute? I really need to talk to him.
VERN: Anything, Jenny girl, anything to speed up the mail.
JACK: Well, it's good to see you. (Beat) But I get the feeling that it's not so good for you to see me. What's wrong?
SHE HOLDS UP THE SHIRT. JACK KNOWS HE IS BUSTED.
SCENE TWO: JENNIFER HAS COME TO THE SPECTATOR TO CONFORNT JACK ABOUT THE LIPSTICK ON HIS SHIRT. JACK NOT WANTING TO TELL HER YET WHAT HE IS DOING, BUT WORRIED THAT SHE MAY THINK HE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR TRIES TO THINK UP SOME EXCUSE.
JENNIFER: What's this?
JENNIFER: I want an explanation and I want it now.
JACK: And you're going to get an explanation. A damn good one. That's a promise.
JACK TAKES THE SHIRT AND THINKS QUICKLY ABOUT WHAT HE IS GOING TO SAY.
JACK: So I was taking the laundry to get it cleaned and all of a sudden the phone rang and naturally well I just reached over the line to pick up the phone and here I was juggling the phone in one hand, the laundry in the other and I guess the shirt just fell down beneath the cushion. So I'm sorry, I will not leave dirty laundry around again.... I'll get rid of it each morning.
JENNIFER GRABS THE SHIRT FROM JACK.
JENNIFER: That is not what I'm talking about. I am talking about This right here. How did this get there?
SHE HOLDS UP THE LIPSTICK STAINED COLLAR.
JACK: Would you believe I had a close encounter with a cosmetic counter?
JENNIFER: I believe that you had a close encounter with someone and I want to know who it is.
JACK: Who? You want to know who? I'll tell you who it is. (Beat) It's Silvie, that old bag down in copy.
JENNIFER: You were kissing Silvie?
JACK: I was not kissing Silvie. Give me a little bit of credit. I was down in copy working on the story about Bo and all of sudden Silvie had one of her fits and she spun in a circle and she fell and I caught her. It was very lucky. I mean I probably saved her life.
JENNIFER: Right, right. So she was kissing you to thank you.
JACK: Yes, yes. That's exactly what she was doing, kissing me to thank me.
JENNIFER: On the back of your neck.
JACK FINDS IT HARD NOT TO SMILE.
JACK: On.... well you know she.... she's very emotional and well her eyesight's bad. I mean it was really bad.... it was.... bad.
JENNIFER: Alright Jack, that will explain the lipstick. So what about the fact that when I called here the other night you weren't around?
JACK: Wait a minute, I was around. I was here.... until Silvie had her fit and then she twisted her ankle and I had to take her to the emergency room.
JENNIFER: Really? On my way up here Silvie was getting around just fine.
JACK: Well that's thanks to the fact that she's such a fast healer, just by age and her memory. You know if you mentioned this event to her she probably would forget the whole thing.JENNIFER: That is the lamest story that I have ever heard Jack.
JACK: Well that's me. King of lame. Heheheh.
JENNIFER: Yes you are king of lame Jack. How do you expect me to believe that? How do you expect me to stand here and believe that story?
JACK: Jennifer I don't know what to say. If you can just give me one more chance, just one more little chance, I will not put you in this situation again.
JENNIFER: I have to get to work Jack.
JACK: No, please just.... just think about it.
JENNIFER: Yeah I'll think about it. That's all I'll do.
SHE WALKS OUT ON HIM.
SCENE THREE: JENNIFER ARRIVES AT THE STUDIO WHERE HAWK IS WAITING TO SEE HER. HE MAKES SOME EXCUSE ABOUT WANTING TO SEE IF SHE IS ALRIGHT BUT REALLY HE IS THERE SO THAT HE CAN SLIP THE PICTURES OF JACK AND CINDY INTO HER PAPERS. SHE IS CALLED AWAY AND HAWK PUTS THEM IN HER COPY FOR THE NEXT BROADCAST. THEY ARE BLOWN UP AND VERY COMPROMISING PICTURES OF JACK ON THE BED WITH CINDY.
SCENE FOUR: BACK AT THE SPECTATOR, VERN HAS NOW MADE JACK THE JANITOR AND HE IS CLEANING THE GLASS ON HIS OLD OFFICE DOOR WHICH NOW HAS A SIGN SAYING "VERN SCOFIELD." JACK IS HAPPY WHISTLING AS HE WORKS. HE SPRAYS THE GLASS AND STARTS TO WIPE IT AS VERN OPENS THE DOOR. VERN THEN GETS SPRAYED AND WIPED TOO.
VERN: Oh Jack....
JACK: OH.... what....
JACK WIPES VERN'S FACE.
VERN: Will you stop that?
JACK: I'm sorry.
VERN: What's the racket out here?
JACK IS STILL WHISTLING.
JACK: Just whistling while I work.
VERN: What are you up to now?
VERN: Well what are you whistling about?
JACK: I'm just happy.
VERN: What, to get demoted?
JACK: Vern, I'm going to get my job back and I'm going to get the girl too. You'll see.
VERN (WAYNE) LAUGHS AT THIS COMMENT.
VERN: Heh, well is that "girl" you're going to get back the same girl I saw walk out of this building in a huff after talking to you?
JACK: Well she just doesn't know it yet.
VERN: So you are up to something, huh?
JACK: Get in there.
JACK: Quick.... QUICK.
JACK PUSHES VERN BACK INTO THE OFFICE AND SHUTS THE DOOR. HE PUTS HIS ARM AROUND VERN'S SHOULDER.
JACK: Vern, you can always see right through me.
VERN: So can half the town.
JACK: No I mean it Vern. This is very important. You got.... it's a big secret and I don't want anybody else to know about it.
VERN: If this is another one of your hair brained schemes Jack?
JACK: Oh, no, no, no, no, it's not, it's not. I've figured out a way to get Baby Howie to reveal himself as the thieving, wife coveting, gold digger that I know he is.
VERN: How you gonna do that?
JACK: I've got a little chick filet on the side named Cindy.
JACK: No, no, it's just a ruse. He thinks I've got a little chick filet on the side named Cindy. The point is Howie will do anything to come between Jennifer and myself.
VERN: Including paying you off.
JACK: With my money.
VERN: That's an awful lot of money Jack.
JACK: But he will do it because he wants Jennifer more than anything.
VERN: Well I have to admit, I've watched Hawk, the way he acts around her lately. I mean.... I mean he may have come to town with one idea in mind but lately his mind is on Jennifer. But I still don't see how this Cindy character figures in.
JACK: Howie thinks that I'm in love with Cindy. That's what I told him. But I can't leave Jennifer alone so I need money from Howie for the paper so I can run off with Cindy.
VERN: Well if he knows about this Cindy why doesn't he just go to Jennifer and get rid of you for free?
JACK: Oh he can't do that! Jennifer would never believe him. He'd look like a fool. He has no proof.
VERN: Your plans are pretty hazy Jack.
JACK: They are not hazy. They'll work. They are already working.
VERN: Well why don't you just go to Jennifer and tell her what you're up to?
JACK: If she would believe me I would do it. But she doesn't, so I won't. Look she told me a while ago she wanted me to take responsibility for my mistakes. Well that's what I'm doing. I'm taking responsibility for my mistakes.
VERN: Huh, well I just hope that the biggest mistake isn't this cockamamie plan of yours. I mean what if Jennifer finds out about this Cindy on her own?JACK: She won't. I mean I had a close call there a couple of minutes ago but.... I handled it.
SCENE FIVE: AT THE STUDIO WHERE HAWK IS STILL HANGING AROUND. JENNIFER ASKS HIM TO LEAVE. SHE IS KIND OF FED UP WITH HIM ALWAYS BEING AROUND. AS THEY ARE TALKING JACK ARRIVES.
JACK: Jennifer.... oh Howie, ah, well excuse me. I need to see my.... wife for a couple of minutes.
HAWK: Oh, well why not Jack.
JACK: Thank you.
HAWK WALKS AWAY SMILING.
JACK: Ah, have you thought about what we were talking about earlier?
JENNIFER: Well Jack earlier was only two hours ago.
JACK: I know, I know I just couldn't wait.
JENNIFER: Well, I really didn't get a chance. I came straight here and Dan wanted to have a meeting with me and now I have to go on air in one minute.
JACK: Well in that one minute, if you'll just think about this. I know I've made a few mistakes.... I mean quite a few mistakes, but I'm trying to make up for them. (Beat) What I'm trying to say is, we got married for better or for worse, right. For better or for worse. Now you've obviously experienced the worst, now wouldn't it be a shame if you didn't get any of the better?
JENNIFER IS ALWAYS AMAZED AT JACK'S POWER OF LOGIC.
JACK: Think about it, would you?
JENNIFER: Jack I have to go on the air in thirty seconds. I really don't have time to think about it now.
JACK: Okay, think about this. Dancing at Wings, you and me, dancing at Wings. Just.... a little dancing.JENNIFER: If by dancing you mean the polka then I'm not interested.
JACK: I don't mean the polka. I mean the real thing. At Wings, just you and me.
JENNIFER: This isn't like you, Jack.
JACK: I know it's not like me. This is the new and improved me. What do you say, seven o'clock, somewhere near our old favorite table.JENNIFER: Will you be wearing that suit?
JACK: Well I.... you know this is the only suit I have.
JENNIFER: Alright, I'll go.
JACK: Good, good, you won't be sorry. You won't regret it.
JENNIFER: I have to go on the air. Get out of here.
JACK: (Moving his arms as if he were dancing) I can dance in this thing.
JENNIFER: Go Jack.
JACK: I'll be.... I'm going to watch.
SHE SMILES AT HIM AND JUST CANNOT HELP LOVING HIM. JACK LEANS ALL OVER THE STUDIO EQUIPMENT AS JENNIFER BEGINS TO READ HER PIECE.
JENNIFER: This Jennifer Deveraux with a bit of sad news. The mini skirt has been declared officially dead. At least that's what Mr. Whystone said at a press conference today. He declared the thigh high garment passŲ and brought along a funeral wreath to drive the final nail in the coffin. As you know, Mr. Whystone is a....
SHE FLIPS ONTO THE SECOND PAGE AND LOOKS STRAIGHT AT A PICTURE OF JACK KISSING CINDY ON A BED. THEY ARE BOTH PARTLY DRESSED AND HE HAS HIS HAND ON HER THIGH.
SCENE SIX: AS JENNIFER IS DOING HER NEWS REPORT SHE SEES THE PHOTOS OF JACK AND CINDY. SHE IS SHOCKED AND DEEPLY HURT, BUT TRIES TO CONTINUE DOING HER NEWSREPORT.
JENNIFER: As you know, Mr. Whystone is a fashion con....
DAN: What's she doing?
CAMERA MAN: Maybe she forgot how to read.
DAN RUNS UP TO THE EDGE OF THE STAGE AND SIGNALS JENNIFER TO CONTINUE. JACK IS WATCHING ALL THIS.
JENNIFER: I'm sorry. As you know, Mr. Whystone is a....
ONCE AGAIN SHE CANNOT CONTINUE.
JENNIFER: Mr.... he's a cheater and a liar.
SHE TURNS TO JACK. JACK IS WATCHING HER AND IS COMPLETELY CONFUSED.
JENNIFER: I mean why should we believe him after all the horrible things that he has done. Why should we believe him? He's nothing but a jerk and I hate him and I don't want to have anything to do with him ever again.
AS SHE IS TALKING, THE ANCHOR IS COUGHING AND TRYING TO GET HER ATTENTION.
JENNIFER: What is wrong with you?
ANCHOR: Nothing. Are you alright?
JENNIFER: Yes I'm fine. I.... just.... I get a little emotional about mini skirts, that's all.
ANCHOR: Don't we all. For Jennifer Deveraux, I'm Biff Lampley. Good news and goodnight.
THEY CUT THE CAMERAS.
ANCHOR: Good grief!
DAN: Jennifer, Jennifer, is something wrong?
JENNIFER: No nothing. What could possibly be wrong?
SHE GETS UP FROM THE DESK AND JACK IS WAITING FOR HER.
SHE BACKS AWAY FROM HIM.
JACK: Dan, you better call the paramedics. Something is wrong.
JENNIFER: What are you talking about? I don't need paramedics, Jack. I'm fine.
JACK: You are not fine. I mean I have never seen you go up like that on camera before.JENNIFER: Oh really, well maybe that's because I have never seen anything like this before.
SHE HOLDS UP ONE OF THE PICTURES IN FRONT OF HIS FACE.
JACK: How.... when.... what.... where did you get this?
JENNIFER: Oh that's very good Jack. You got three of the five Ws. You just forgot the two important ones. who and why.
SHE STARTS TO WALK AWAY FROM HIM IN ANGER.
JACK: No, wait a minute Jennifer, wait a minute.
JENNIFER: Wait for what? Another pathetic explanation. You're going to try and tell me that this is Silvie? Is that what you're going to tell me Jack? I can't believe I even bought that.
JACK: No I can explain that.
JENNIFER: This is enough to explain.
JACK: No, we need to talk about this.
JENNIFER: We don't need to talk about anything. You keep this. Don't you come home tonight! Don't you dare come home tonight.
JACK: Jennifer wait.... Jennifer I can....
DAN: Let her go. Haven't you done enough to that poor kid.JACK: What.... I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING!.... I haven't.