SCENE ONE: SHANE DECIDES TO TELL ANDREW A STORY ABOUT EVE,
WHO IS MISSING, AND HE MAKES UP A FAIRYTALE THAT INCLUDES ALL
THE CAST OF SALEM
PRINCESS EVE IS MISSING AND HE OFFERS A REWARD TO WHOMEVER
FINDS HER. SIR ROMAN OF BRADY (ALWAYS IN FULL ARMOR), AND HIS
LOYAL FRIEND ABE, AND STEVE HOOD, HE HAS A BAND OF MERRY MISTRAL
MEN, MARCUS, EMILIO AND JULIO, ARE THE GOODGUYS. PRINCESSES KAYLA
AND DIANA ARE THEIR PRINCESSES. JACK PLAYS, LORD JACK OF DEVERAUX,
AKA BILLY JACKETH, AN EVIL LORD WHO IS PRETENEDING TO REDEEM HIMSELF.
COUNT VICTOR IS AN EVIL COUNT WHO WANTS THE REWARD FOR HIS OWN
EVIL REASONS; HE IS JOINED BY HIS LOYAL SERVANT NICO. CALLIOPE
IS THE COURT JESTER, TO KING SHANE AND QUEEN KIM, AND YOUNG PRINCE
ANDREW. ALICE AND WIZARD TOM ARE MAGICAL SPIRITS. EVERYONE IS
A CARICATURE OF THEIR DAYS' PERSONALITIES, AND EVERYONE SPEAKS
IN FAKE ELIZABETHAN/SHAKEPEAREAN ACCENTS.
STEVE HOOD, PRINCESS KAYLA AND STEVE'S MERRY MISTRAL MEN ARE CELEBRATING
IN THE WOODS, HOPING TO BE THE ONES TO FIND PRINCESS EVE. KAYLA
IS LIKE THE HELPESS DAMSEL IN DISTRESS, A RATHER DENSE, DUMB BLONDE.
UNBEKNOWST TO THEM, THE EVIL LORD JACK OF DEVERAUX IS SPYING ON
THEM. JACK IS LIKE A BASIL RATHBONE TYPE VILLAIN, IN TIGHTS, AND
A LONG, POINTY GOATEE. HE IS VERY SMARMY, WITH SQUINTY EYES.
|
|
DAYS Fairy tale: The evil
Lord Jack of Deveraux lies about wanting to make up
with his brother;
1:45 Min; 3.8 Meg |
|
STEVE AND KAYLA ARE DANCING, AND MARCUS, EMILIO AND JULIO
ARE DOING A CHAIN DANCE, SINGING, "STEVEN HOOD, HOOD, HOOD."
LORD JACK SNEAKS INTO THE END OF THE LINE AND JOINS THEM, SINGING
ALONG WITH THEM. STEVE SPOTS HIM, AND PUTS HIS HAND ON LORD JACK'S
SHOULDER.
LORD JACK: (Still singing) Steven Hood, Hood....
STEVEN HOOD MAKES A CUTTING MOTION UNDER HIS CHIN...
LORD JACK: (Continuing) Hood, Hood.... Hood....
(A little annoyed that he was stopped).  STEVEN
HOOD: What doest thou ruinest thou here, Billy Jacketh (Sound
like Jack-ass)?
LORD JACK: It's a free forest, isn't it? Besides, hearing
the glad tidings, (oozing fake charm, and acting smarmy) I thought
I'd congratulate you both.
STEVEN HOOD: (Not buying into his act) "Congratulate"
me, huh? (Talking to his men) Would anyone buy a used ox from this
man?
MARCUS: (Shaking his head and laughing ironically) Nooooo!
EMILIO: Neevvveerr!
JULIO: Noo Waayy!
LORD JACK: (In an affected speech, pretending to be hurt)
You cut me to the quick, noble sibling. All I ever wished
was to redeem myself. To be looked upon with favor
in your eye.... (melodramatically, putting his hand to his breast)
To feel once again the warmth and companionship of our youth.
STEVEN HOOD: (Scoffs) Huh!
MARCUS: (Scoffs) Huh! EMILIO NODS,
APPARENTLY BUY THE ACT.
LORD JACK: (Putting out his hand, acting contrite) Let
me work with you. (Putting out his two hands) Together you
and I shall find Princess Eve. (Pointing to him) With your
guile and (making a fist) my smile we will share the half
kingdom. And--
STEVEN HOOD: (Interrupting) GET THEE VILLAIN! GET THEE
HENCE!
MARUCS NODS. PRINCESS KAYLA REMAINS SILENT.
STEVEN HOOD: (Pointing) Every man before you knows would
wouldst thou do. What atrocities thou wouldst commit (pointing)
if you owned half the kingdom. NEVER I SAY! (Beat) Never!
LORD JACK: (Stretching out his arms in acceptance) All right.
Forget it. I may not have half a kingdom to (rolling his "r")
rrrrreek my revenge on you and your antiquated idealisms. And I shall
have my revenge, dear Brother. Wear ye. I shall have
my revenge. SIR JACK WALKS OFF WITH A SATISFIED
SMIRK.
SCENE TWO: STEVEN HOOD AND HIS
MERRY MINSTRALS ARE IN THE WOODS SINGING.
LORD JACK SPIES ON THEM. AFTER THEY WALK OFF, HE COMES OUT
FROM BEHIND A TREE, HOLDING A KNIFE IN IT SHEATH.
LORD JACK: Sing what you may, while you may, dear Brother.
For by the end of this day, much to your dis-may, you'll
be singing another song altogether. [Lord Jack starts to Bertolt Brecht's
"Mac the Knife" from his operetta The Threepenny Opera in
the style of a lounge singer, though it appears he is making up his
own words) "For the shark bites with his teeth dear...."
(walking out into the clearing) ".....scarlet bellows for to
spread. Fancy work...." (taking the knife from his sheath.) "....though
is my sheath dear,.... (as he sings this part he slams the knife back
into its sheath, menacingly) "....for there's not a trace of
red!"
SCENE THREE: PRINCESSES KAYLA AND DIANA
ARE ALONE IN THE WOODS, THEIR MEN THINKING THEY ARE TOO DAINTY
TO HELP THEM FIND EVE. THEY TALK ABOUT THE MEN'S EGOS BEING BRUISED
WHEN THEY FAIL, SO THEY DECIDED TO GO HELP THEM. JUST AS THEY
START TO WALK OFF, JACK APPEARS.
 LORD
JACK: I'm afraid..... THEY SQUEAL.
LORD JACK: (Cont.) ....that neither of you is going anywhere,
mi ladies. PRINCESS KAYLA: (With a baby doll voice)
Jack of Deverauxes.
LORD JACK: (Mock bow) At your service. And, by the way,
in case you're wondering, you're both my prisoners now. (Smugly)
And there's nothing that anybody can do to change
that!
PRINCESS KAYLA: Oh, Yeeaah! SUDDENLY
ANOTHER VOICE IS HEARD, NICO, COUNT VICTOR'S MAN.
NICO: Oh, Yeah! THEY ALL TURN. THE
WOMEN SQUEAL, AND JACK MAKES A NERVOUS GIGGLE. NICO HAS A CROSS-BOW
AIMED AT THEM, AND COUNT VICTOR IS FOLLOWING HIM.
LORD JACK: (Scared, stuttering) ahhh, careful (he bends
behind the ladies for protection) that bow is loaded. COUNT
VICTOR: It certainly is! And I'm afraid, these two are
my prisoners now, Jack!
LORD JACK, PRINCESSES KAYLA AND DIANA: (Simultaneously)
Oh, Yeah!
COUNT VICTOR: (Smiling with pleasure) Oh, Yeess!
LORD JACK, PRINCESSES KAYLA AND DIANA: (Simultaneously,
making faces) Eeewwww (and laughing nervously)!
SCENE FOUR: COUNT VICTOR WITH HIS MAN NICO HAS
ONE-UPPED JACK AND TAKEN THE PRINCESSES KAYLA AND DIANA AWAY FROM
HIM. JACK SUDDENLY TRIES TO MAKE A DEAL WITH HIM.
 LORD
JACK: We.... well, Count we appear to have the same plan, using
these winches to convince their dull-witted lovers, whichever appearst
to be the victor -- No pun intended --.... COUNT VICTOR:
None taken.
LORD JACK: (Cont., in a sycophantic voice.) ....to turn
over the half-kingdom as a reward in exchange for their safety, yes?
(Becoming more animated, impressed with his own evil plans) And turn
that half-kingdom into a powerful empire, powerful and evil enough
to devour the remainder of the empire. PRINCESS
KAYLA LOOKS AT HIM NOT BELIEVING HE IS ACTUALLY SAY THIS.
LORD JACK: (Cont.) And then (gesturing) ....and then---
COUNT VICTOR: (Getting bored) Yes, yes you would
indeed be a man after my own heart, Lord Deveraux, if I had one
(grins).
LORD JACK: (Toadying) Ehh, thank you. Thank you, (pushing
back Diana's veil and moving towards him) and.... and a splendid one
it is too. And yet, (gesturing) there is always room for improvement,
is there not?
VICTOR MOVES CLOSER TO LORD JACK, PASSING BY NICO WHO IS
STILL BENDING DOWN ON HIS KNEES AND AIMING HIS CROSS-BOW AT THEM.
COUNT VICTOR: I'm Listening. (Motioning to Nico) Park that
thing! LORD JACK: Why don't you and I join forces.
We could solve this story in half the time, creating twice
as much evil, twice as quickly, and having twice
as much fun.
COUNT VICTOR: I'm tempted.
PRINCESS KAYLA: (Rather dense) So, what's your plan for
us?
LORD JACK: (Motioning to them) Uh, patience, mi ladies,
patience.
COUNT VICTOR: Yes, you'll have an answer to that question
soon enough. COUNT VICTOR BEGINS TO LAUGH
MALICIOUSLY, AND JACK JOINS HIM. PRINCESS DIANA SEEMS BORED BY THEIR
ATTEMPTS AT VILLANY. SHE TURNS TO PRINCESS KAYLA.
PRINCESS DIANA: (Annoyed) Men! THE
VILLAINS CONTINUE TO LAUGH. UNBEKNOWST TO THEM, CALLIOPE THE COURT
JESTER IS BEHIND A TREE AND HAS HEARD EVERYTHING.
IT IS GETTING LATE AND SHANE TELLS ANDREW IT IS TIME
FOR BED. THEY WILL CONTINUE THE STORY THE FOLLOWING EVENING.
SCENE ONE: KAYLA AND MIKE
ARE HAVING A CUP OF COFFEE AT THE CAFE. JACK SEES THEM AND CALLS
STEVE, HOPING TO CAUSE TROUBLE BETWEEN PATCH AND KAYLA.
STEVE: Patch's Pasta Kitchen.
JACK: Hi.... Hi it's me. It's Jack. Look I really need to see
you. Um.... look.... I'm down at the café. Could you meet me
here right away?
STEVE: Oh, no, man I'm busy.
JACK: Steve, please. I'm really trying here. I'm.... er....
I really need to see you. Could you meet me right away?
STEVE: Alright.
JACK: So, you'll be here soon?
STEVE: Yeah, soon.
JACK HANGS UP THE PHONE.
JACK: Not soon enough.
SCENE TWO: A SHORT TIME LATER STEVE COMES DOWN
THE STEPS OF THE CAFÉ. HE STOPS AND SAYS HELLO TO STEVE AND
KAYLA AND TELLS THEM THAT HE IS HERE TO SEE JACK.
JACK: Hey, pull up a chair.
STEVE: What did I rush over here for, Jackson? (Beat) Come
on, what did you want to talk about?
JACK: I want to talk about Jo. Look I care about her welfare
 whether
you believe it or not.
STEVE: Okay, so you woke up this morning and you decided
it was a good thing after all that you found your mother.
JACK: No, no. We're not discussing my timing. The fact remains
that she's living in a dump and I'm the only one who's concerned
about getting her a new place.
STEVE: Old news. She doesn't want to move. She doesn't want
your charity. Now you got that. Now, you got something else on your
mind?
JACK: Well, you're certainly not making this easy now are you?
JACK LOOKS ACROSS AT MIKE AND KAYLA.
JACK: Er.... Mike and your wife must be very good friends,
eh?
STEVE: Yeah, they are. So?
JACK: So..... I don't know. To each his own.
STEVE: Look, if you've got something to say. Say it.
JACK JUST SMILES AND STEVE GETS UP TO LEAVE.
JACK: No, Steve. I do.... I do have something to say. (Beat)
Ah.... er....I.... er.... you were saying they were.... they were
close.... they used to be close. They used to be very good friends
once.
STEVE: Once yeah. Once. Once upon a time. (Beat) You better
quit while you're behind Baby Brother.
JACK: I don't know what you're talking about. I.... I tried....
I'm going to go.
STEVE: Oh, no, you stay right here. I'm on to you. (Beat)
You just don't give up do you? I tell you to stop messing around
in our lives. I tell you to leave us alone but you can't do that
can you?
JACK: Look I made an observation about Kayla and that's....
STEVE: Will you shut up about Kayla. I'm sick of hearing
it.
JACK: I don't have to stand around here and listen to....
STEVE: You do. You have to stand here until I'm finished
with you now.
JACK: What do you mean? I'm finished with you.
STEVE: No, no. See that's the problem. You're not finished.
That's why you dragged me down here today. That's why you do half
the crap that you do.
JACK: You're right. My mistake. I'm sorry. I'll see you
around Johnson.
STEVE: Yeah, Johnson.
JACK LOOKS BACK AT STEVE.
SCENE THREE: SHANE CONTINUES
THE STORY HE WAS TELLING ANDREW THE NIGHT BEFORE.
THE STORY CONTINUES WHERE IT LEFT OFF, COUNT VICTOR AND LORD
JACK OF DEVERAUX HAVE DECIDED TO TEAM UP AND KIDNAP PRINCESSES KAYLA
AND DIANA AND THEN RANSOME THEM OFF TO EITHER STEVEN HOOD OR ROMAN,
WHOEVER FINDS EVE AND WINS THE REWARD, HALF OF KING SHANE AND QUEEN
KIM'S KINGDOM.
PRINCESS KAYLA: (In a whiney voice) How much more
of this do we have to take?! Thy have been standing there all
night leering at us with evil intent. LORD JACK
OF DEVERAUX: Was not our idea to take a break in the
story.
PRINCESS DIANA: Well, if it is all the same with
you, we'll be going now. PRINCESS KAYLA NODS
IN AGREEMENT.
PRINCESS DIANA: (Cont.) Our men need us, and who
knows what misfortunes might befall them. PRINCESSES
KAYLA AND DIANA DEFIANTLY TURN THEIR HEADS AND START TO WALK OFF.
HOWEVER, VICTOR HAS OTHER PLANS.
COUNT VICTOR: Thou goest nowhere (he trusts his sword
at Princess Diana's neck). Thou art our prisoners, and ye shall remain
until we have no further use of thee. LORD
JACK ALSO DRAWS HIS SWORD AND TRUSTES IT AT PRINCESS KAYLA'S NECK.
PRINCESS KAYLA: Ah. (Touching the point of the sword)
Eee. Me thinks they mean business (looking down at the sword).
SHANE TELLS ANDREW AND KIM, THAT "INDEED THEY
DID."
SCENE FOUR: THE STORY CONTINUES.
MEANWHILE, CALLIOPE THE COURT JESTER HAS RUN TO TELL STEVEN
HOOD AND SIR ROMAN ABOUT THEIR FAIR LADIES. THEY, HOWEVER, ARE FIGHTING,
BUT STOP AND JOIN FORCES TO SAVE THEIR PRINCESSES.
PRINCESSES KAYLA AND DIANA HAVE BEEN PREVENTED, AT SWORD POINT,
FROM ESCAPING.
COUNT VICTOR: The bait is set. It's only a matter of
time ....
LORD JACK: Hmmmmm. COUNT VICTOR:
(Cont.) ....before your hapless heroes walk into our lair, whilest
we lie in wait.
LORD JACK: They'll have not a choice, but
to do our bidding. BOTH LORD JACK AND COUNT
VICTOR BEGIN TO LAUGH MENICALLY.
PRINCESS KAYLA: (To Princess Diana) Are these two
for real? PRINCESS DIANA: (To Princess Kayla)
This is a fairytale, none of us are for real.
PRINCESS KAYLA: Oh! JUST THEN
CALLIOPE HAS ARRIVED WITH STEVEN HOOD AND SIR ROMAN. THE VILLAINS
ARE TOO BUSY LAUGHING TO NOTICE. HOWEVER, PRINCESS KAYLA HAS SEEN
THEN.
PRINCESS KAYLA: Hark! Is that who I think
it is? PRINCESS DIANA: (Out of the corner
of her mouth to Princess Kayla) Leave it to them to screwist
things up!
PRINCESS KAYLA: (Out of the corner
of her mouth in reply) You think our services will come in again?
THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND THEN TRY TO USE THEIR CHARMS
TO DISTRACT THE VILLAINS.
|
|
Princesses Kayla & Diana flirt
with the villains to so they do not notice the good
guys arriving;
40 sec; 2 Meg |
|
PRINCESS DIANA: Oh, Victor.  COUNT
VICTOR: Ah, hmm. PRINCESS DIANA:
I just love the way thy twirls thy mustache.
PRINCESS KAYLA: (Running her hands over Lord Jack's
chest) And the way thy lips curls and shivers up and down my spine.
LORD JACK: (Nervously) Ah, uh.... P.... Perhaps
we could share.... uh, spare, thy ladies after all.
COUNT VICTOR: (Looking lustfully at Princess Diana)
And share these spoils of war to ourselves (laughs).
BOTH OF THE PRINCESSES PUCKER UP THEIR LIPS, AND CLOSE THEIR
EYES. BEFORE THEY HAD TO GO ALL THE WAY AND KISS THEM, THEIR NOBLE
LOVES SAVE THE DAY. JACK AND STEVEN HOOD BEGIN TO DUAL.
LORD JACK: What ho! What ho! COUNT
VICTOR AND SIR ROMAN FIGHT. NICO THRUSTS OUT HIS CROSS-BOW AS A
SWORD.
KIMBERLY ASKS WHAT THE WOMEN WERE DOING DURING ALL THIS. "DON'T
TELL ME THEY WERE STANDING AROUND, SHAMELESSLY SHRIKING IN FEAR?"
THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT CALLIOPE, AND THE TWO PRINCESSES WERE DOING.
THE LADIES HEAR THE VOICE OVER.
PRINCESS KAYLA: She's right!
CALLIOPE: Come on, fair ladies, let us be butch!
CALLIOPE TAKES HER JESTER'S WAND AND KNOCKS OUT
NICO. SHE THEN GIVES IT TO LADY DIANA WHO KNOCKS OUT COUNT VICTOR.
PRINCESS KAYLA WAVES TO STEVEN HOOD.
STEVEN HOOD: (To Lord Jack) Look out for the lawn mower!
HE TURNS AROUND, AND DOES NOT SEE PRINCESS
KAYLA WHO KNOCKS HIM OVER.
LORD JACK: Whoa, whoa, whoooaaa! Ohh.... (falling down).
THE FOUR OF THEM RUN AWAY. POOR SIR ROMAN
HAS DIFFICULTY RUNNING IN HIS ARMOR. CALLIOPE IS CRADLING NICO,
AND ASKS, "IS IT TRUE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT MEN WITH LARGE CROSS-BOWS?",
AND THEN RUNS AFTER THE GANG.
SCENE FIVE: SOME TIME LATER, SHANE EXPLAINS HOW THE TWO GROUPS
DIVIDED UP. "UNBEKNOWST TO OUR UNWITTING FRIENDS, LORD JACK
AND COUNT VICTOR WERE LURKING IN THE SHADOWS.
THE TWO OF THEM, AND NICO, CREEP FROM BEHIND
THE TREE WHERE THEY HAD BEN HIDING. LORD JACK LAUGHS MENACINGLY.
LORD JACK: Let them be on their merry way, for the
fun has yet to begin!
HE HAS WISKED OUT A MAGICAL DONUT WHICH THE MAGICAL ALICE
AND THE WIZARD TOM HAD GIVEN STEVEN HOOD.
COUNT VICTOR: 'Tis not time for a donut break!
LORD JACK: Aahh, but what I have here is no mere
dough-nut. Whilest no one was peeking (making a grabbing motion)....
I pluckily picked the pocket of that proud, patched pauper.
(Looking at the donut) This puffed pastry promises to provide a
potent potion (spitting while talking) making puny.... people....
powerful!
COUNT VICTOR FLICKS THE SPITTLE FROM HIS FACE.
COUNT VICTOR: I too possess such magic! In
the heat of battle did I take this medallion....
HE HOLDS OUT THE SPECIAL, MAGICAL MEDALLION GIVEN TO SIR ROMAN
BY ALICE AND TOM.
COUNT VICTOR: (Cont.) ....from the neck of Sir Roman.
He who wears it is all powerful. Being thus invincible, no
thing or no man can stop us! LORD JACK: And
that half-kingdom shall be ours!
COUNT VICTOR: Half-kingdom, Pshaw! Once we get
the Princess Eve into our grip, we shall not settle for less than
the entire kingdom!
LORD JACK: Ha!
THEY HIGH-FIVE AND KEEP THEIR ARMS RAISED, THEIR HANDS
TOUCHING, AND DANCE AROUND. THEN THEY INTERTWINE THEIR ARMS AND
THEY DO A LITTLE JIGG. NICO JIGGS TOO. THEN THE DANCE AROUND SWITCHING
HANDS, AND LAUGHING EVILY.
SCENE SIX: QUEEN KIM,
KING SHANE, YOUNG PRINCE ANDREW, CALLIOPE AND TWO PAGES, ONE OF
WHO IS IS DAVE THE MAITRE D' AT BLONDIES, THE OTHER [LOOKS LIKE]
JOEY THE BARTENDER AT SHENANIGANS; THEY HAVE SINCE MET UP WITH STEVEN
HOOD AND HIS FAIR LADY, PRINCESS KAYLA, AND SIR ROMAN, AND HIS FAIR
LADY, PRINCESS DIANA. THEY FIND A DOILEY, AND REALIZE IT IS FROM
PRINCESS EVE'S DRESS. THEY FIND A FEW MORE, AND FOLLOW THEM. LURKING
BEHIND A TREE IS THE VILLAINS, LORD JACK AND COUNT VICTOR.
LORD JACK: Lady Luck is indeed our bed fellow.
THEY BOTH EMERGE INTO THE CLEARING.
LORD JACK: (Cont.) Well, just follow their lead,
and follow them straight to the princess. COUNT VICTOR:
And then I'll dawn the Magic Medallion.
LORD JACK: And then I partake of the Magic Morsel.
COUNT VICTOR: Together we overtake the princess.
LORD JACK: And the kingdom will be ours!
MORE EVIL LAUGHTER.
SCENE SEVEN: THE GANG
HAVE ARRIVED AT A TOWER, AND ARE STARTLED WHEN PRINCESS EVE STICKS
HER HEAD FROM A WINDOW AT THE VERY TOP. EVERYONE IS PLEASED TO SEE
HER. KING SHANE ASKS HER HOW SHE GOT UP THERE. SHE TOLD THEM SHE
DOES NOT KNOW, ONLY THAT THE DARK LORD CAST AN EVIL SPELL ON HER,
AND SHE AWOKE IN THE TOWER. KING SHANE VOWS TO SAVE HER. SHE TELLS
HIM THAT THERE "IS NO WAY IN OR OUT." SIR ROMAN STUMBLES
FORTH SAYING HE WILL RESCUE HER. STEVEN HOOD CALLS HIM, "CAN
MAN" AND TELLS SIR ROMAN TO LET HIM RESCUE HER, SINCE HE KNOWS
WHAT HE IS DOING. THEY BEGIN TO FIGHT AGAIN. TOO BUSY FIGHTING EACH
OTHER THEY DO NOT SEE LORD JACK AND COUNT VICTOR APPEAR.
LORD JACK: NEITHER OF YE WILL SAVE HER!
COUNT VICTOR: For the princess is ours!
STEVEN HOOD AND SIR ROMAN FINALLY STOP FIGHTING.
STEVEN HOOD: For someone they call "Count"
(pointing with his sword) you're having a little trouble aren't
you! (Gesturing with his sword) You're out numbered!
COUNT VICTOR: Aaahhhh, but you underestimate our
power (he flashes the Magical Medallion). EVERYONE
GASPS IN SHOCK. THE WOMEN SHRIKE, AND KING SHANE IS HORRIFIED.
LORD JACK: And, the Magic Morsel (he flashes the
donut). AGAIN EVERYONE GASPS IN SHOCK. LORD
JACK GIVES AN EVIL CHUCKLE.
STEVEN HOOD: (Laughs, pointing with his sword) Did
thy really fall for that hocus-pocus? Ha! SIR
ROMAN: (Gesturing with his sword) Mumble-jumble! (Laughing)
LORD JACK: Well, we shall find out soon enough, shall
we! LORD JACK MOTIONS TO COUNT VICTOR THAT
IT IS TIME. EVERYONE WATCHES WITH BAITED BREATH, GASPING. COUNT
VICTOR PLACES THE MAGICAL MEDALLION AROUND HIS NECK; THEN PATS IT.
LORD JACK, SQUINTING HIS EYES, BEGINS TO SENSUALLY EAT THE MAGICAL
MORSEL.
AGAIN EVERYONE GASPS, AND THE LADIES SHRIKE. LORD JACK HAS
A SATISFIED LOOK AS HE CHEWS ON THE DONUT, AND GESTURES WITH THE
UNEATEN HALF.
CALLIOPE: (Starved, biting her nail, gestures) Can
I have just a little bite? SIR ROMAN:
Thou wilt not take the princess without a fight.
STEVEN HOOD: (Extended his sword) En Guard, my lily
livered brother! COUNT VICTOR DRAWS HIS SWORD.
EVERYONE GASPS AGAIN. BEFORE HE CAN USE IT HE STARTS TO STAGGER.
EVERYONE REACTS TO THIS WITH "AHHH, OHHH." HE FALLS DEAD,
"AAHHH!" THEY LAUGH.
LORD JACK: En Guard thou kidney kindred! (Drawing
his sword) HA! Huh.... eh.... (starts to stagger as well) ....ehh
(falling to the ground) ....eh! THEY GASP AND
THEN CHEER AND APPLAUD AS JACK FALLS INTO A SITTING POSITION. JUST
THEN THE GOOD SPIRITS WIZARD TOM AND ALICE APPEAR. WIZARD TOM TELLS
THEM THAT THE DONUT AND MEDALLION ONLY WORK FOR "THE GOOD AND
THE JUST." HOWEVER, ALICE TELLS THEM "THE GREEDY AND THE
ANGRY THEY ONLY SERVE TO.... BUST!" THEY LOOK AT HER BECAUSE
OF HER BAD PUN. SHE TELLS THEM, "`BUST,' `JUST!' WELL, THEY
RHYMN ANYWAY."
LORD JACK: 'Tis indeed a Grimm fairytale. 
WITH THAT JACK KEELS OVER, AND DIES.
THE WIZARD TOM REMEMBERS THAT THE INNOCENCE OF A CHILD IS THE ANSWER.
IT IS PRINCE ANDREW WHO SAVES HIS SISTER. THE TWO SETS OF LOVERS
WERE EVENTUALLY MARRIED; CALLIOPE RAN OFF WITH THE MERRY MEN MISTRALS.
EVE IS REUNITED WITH HER FAMILY, AND TE KINGDOM IS SAVE. PRINCE
ANDREW WANTS HIS REWARD, AND KING SHANE PLACES THE MAGICAL MEDALLION
AROUND HIS NECK.
SCENE EIGHT: MEANWHILE, EVE
HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED BY EDDIE REED WHO WAS A FORMER PARTNER OF NICK
CORELLI'S. THEY HAD STOLEN ABOUT FIVE MILLION DOLLARS FROM HARPER
DEVERAUX YEARS EARLIER. EDDIE WANTS HIS SHARE OF THE MONEY, AND
IS USING EVE. HE HAS TAKEN HER TO AN ABANDONED HOUSE. NICK, HAS
LEFT THE BASEMENT APARTMENT WHERE STEVE HAD BEEN HIDING HIM, AND
IS HIDING OUT THERE AS WELL. THIS BEGINS A PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
TYPE STORYLINE WITH EVE SINGING, AND THE SCARRED AND MASKED
NICK HELPING HER [NOTICE: THE STORY HAD BEEN PITCHED BY MATT FOR
JACK, THE WRITERS LIKED THE IDEA, BUT NOT FOR JACK, AND GAVE IT
TO NICK INSTEAD]. |
