oldEpisode Three-hundred-sixteen: The
Honeymoon Part V: Jack Becomes
Paranoid That Desirée's Prediction
Will Come True. Meanwhile, the
Cowboy Is Working with Her.

---

[Air date early July, 1991]

 

SCENE ONE: ACK AND JENNIFER ARE STILL ON THEIR HONEYMOON IN HOLLYWOOD. JENNIFER IS IN THE SHOWER AND JACK IS TIPTOEING OVER TO THE PHONE.

 

JACK: Hello, front desk. This is Jack Deveraux in Room 502. Ah, I would like for you to screen my wife's phone calls please, particularly the one's from men. (Beat) No you may not ask why. Just do it!

 

HE HANGS UP IN A HUFF JUST AS JENNIFER COMES OUT OF THE BATHROOM.

 

JACK: The nerve of these people.

JENNIFER: Yeah, good help is really hard to find these days, huh?

JACK: Ah, I thought you were still in the shower.

JENNIFER: I'm not.

JACK: I guess you're wondering what that was all about?

JENNIFER: Are you going to tell me?

JACK: Well yes of course. It's nothing really. We just had a couple of crank phone calls.

JENNIFER: Oh really, I haven't had any.

JACK: Well that's because they always happen when you're in the shower. Ah, I just didn't want you to be bothered so I asked them to hold our calls.

JENNIFER: You asked them to hold my calls, Jack.

JACK: Well, I mean you understand that I kind of like crank phone calls from time to time. I was kind of hoping I'd hear someone ask me if I'd had a lettuce or if I'd had Prince Albert in Cannes.

JENNIFER: It's amazing. You kill me, you really do Jack.

JACK: What's that supposed to mean?

JENNIFER: You and I both know what this is all about. You are still upset about that psychic's predictions. You really think that this tall dark strange mystery man is going to show up, don't you?

JACK: No, no, no, no. Not tall and dark. I mean she never said that. You reminded me of that and if you're going to start quoting her now, you're just as crazy as.... as Desirée is.

JENNIFER: Her name is Desire!

JACK: Well whatever her name is, she's crazy and a loon and a total fraud.

JENNIFER: Well maybe so but she was right about a man coming into my life.

JACK: Oh you see! There you go, there you go.

JENNIFER: Yeah, but it's already happened. You're the man in my life Jack. You don't have to afraid about any tall dark strange mystery man, ever.

 

SHE STARTS TO KISS HIM AND HE FORGETS WHAT HE WAS THINKING ABOUT FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

SCENE TWO: A SHORT TIME LATER, LENNY THE BELLBOY HAS JUST DELIVERED SOMETHING TO THE ROOM AND JACK IS SUSPICIOUS OF HIM.

 

LENNY: Will that be all sir?

JACK: Um, that'll be all. Thank you very much.

 

JACK SIGNS THE BILL JUST AS JENNIFER COMES OUT OF THE BATHROOM IN A LONG SUN DRESS.

 

LENNY: Gee, now I can send my kid to Harvard.

JENNIFER: Hi Lenny, how are you?

LENNY: Oh hello Mrs. Deveraux, that is a lovely dress you're wearing.

JENNIFER: Oh thank you. Thank you very much.

LENNY: Well I better be going.

JACK: No, no, no. You like the dress huh?

LENNY: Yeah.

JACK: You like it, huh? How do you like the.... the pumps? Do you like those pumps? Do you like the little ring, do you like the earrings? They're nice too. What else do you like? Come on, do you like anything else? Is that all?

 

JENNIFER IS EMBARRASSED ABOUT JACK'S BEHAVIOR.

 

LENNY: If I said anything to offend you, I'm sorry. I gotta get back to work.

 

LENNY LEAVES.

 

JENNIFER: What was that all about Jack?

JACK: What, what?

JENNIFER: What, what? I knew that you were paranoid. I can't believe that you would think that poor Lenny could be the mystery man.

JACK: You don't call waiters by their first name. It blurs the line.

JENNIFER: Blurs what line? What are you talking about?

JACK: The line between server and servee. Look at this.

 

HE PICKS UP A BOTTLE OF DIET SODA.

 

JACK: I can't believe this. Diet! I hate diet!

JENNIFER: Oh Jack, stop trying to change the subject.

JACK: What subject?

JENNIFER: The mystery man, the stranger and don't tell me that you don't believe there is one because I saw the look in your eyes when you jumped all over poor Lenny. You were afraid that he was the stranger Desirée talked about.

JACK: So what if that's true? Does that surprise you?

JENNIFER: Yes Jack, it surprises me very much.

JACK: Then you don't know me as well as you think you do.

 

JACK SITS ON THE BED AND LOOKS DEPRESSED.

 

JENNIFER: Alright, alright. Are you upset now?

JACK: No, no, I'm not upset.

JENNIFER: Alright, then let's talk about it.

JACK: No. (Beat) Yes, yes, let's talk about it. You married me. You knew when you married me that I'm the kind of person who does not accept things easily. Especially.... good things.

JENNIFER: Jack you have a problem with happiness.

JACK: That's what I said.

JENNIFER: No it's not what you said but I can read between the lines. Are you happy?

JACK: Do you mean now?

JENNIFER: Yes, right now.

JACK: Ah, well sure. I mean I wish I had a non diet soda but....

JENNIFER: You're happy but you're afraid that something's going to take it away. But you're wrong. Nothing's going to come between us. Not a mystery man, not Lenny the waiter, nothing. And if you don't believe me, ask anyone who's seen us together.

JACK: Even Desire?

JENNIFER: Oh come on Jack, how can you really take seriously what she said?

JACK: Well you seem to take it pretty seriously.

JENNIFER: I didn't. I was teasing. I didn't believe her for a minute.

JACK: Oh really?

JENNIFER: Jack, listen to me, she is not psychic. She's a business woman, she's an actress. She is in it for what she can get.

JACK: Really? Yeah?

JENNIFER: Yes, really.

JACK: Huh, huh.

JENNIFER: And you call me naive. Jack I'm a reporter. I've met people like Desire before. They do what they do for money and if there's enough money involved, they'll do anything.

SCENE THREE: BACK AT THE PSYCHIC'S, THE COWBOY RETURNS BUT SHE IS GONE. HE TAKES DOWN THE BLACKBOARD SHE HAS ON THE WALL AND REMOVES A HEAP OF CASH THAT SHE HAD STASHED BEHIND IT.

SCENE FOUR: AT THE HOTEL, JACK AND JENNIFER HAVE JUST GONE DOWN TO THE LOBBY READY TO GO OUT.

 

MANAGER: Excuse me Mr. Deveraux.

JACK: They never leave me alone.

JENNIFER: Jack, just see what he wants.

JACK: You rang?

MANAGER: I have quite a few messages for you.

JACK: Oh really, why didn't you call me earlier?

MANAGER: You hung up me before I could.

JACK: Oh. (Beat) Thank you.

MANAGER: Don't mention it.

 

JACK TAKES A HANDFUL OF MESSAGES FROM THE GUY AND LEAFS THROUGH THEM.

 

JENNIFER: Who called?

JACK: Vern, Vern, Vern, Vern and.... ah.... Vern.

JENNIFER: Well it must be important Jack.

JACK: It's always important from Vern. Forget about Vern, let's go.

JENNIFER: No Jack, I think that you should call him or you're going to worry the whole afternoon unless you know.

JACK: This is the last day of our honeymoon. I want to spend it with you not Vern, alright.

JENNIFER: Are you sure?

JACK: Sure. I'm absolutely sure. Let's go.

JENNIFER: Alright Jack but....

 

JACK: AAARRRGGGHHH.

 

JACK SUCKS IN HIS BREATH AND PULLS HER BACK.

SCENE FIVE: HE HAS SEEN SOMETHING ON THE FLOOR, THAT HAS TERRIFIED HIM.

 

JENNIFER: What? What's wrong with you?

JACK: Look!

 

HE CAN HARDLY GET HIS BREATH BECAUSE HE IS SO SCARED.

 

JENNIFER: Look where?

JACK: There, down there.

JENNIFER: I don't see.

JACK: It's.... it's a.... spider! It's a....

JENNIFER: It's a little tiny bug.

JACK: It's the biggest spider I ever saw.

JENNIFER: Do you want me to kill it?

JACK: NO! No, no, no, don't touch it.

JENNIFER: It got away.

JACK: Well it....

JENNIFER: Well it got away, it got away so forget about it, alright. It got away.

JACK: She was right.

JENNIFER: Who was right?

JACK: Desirée was right. She said that we were.... that there was creature that was going to cross our paths....

JENNIFER: Jack I thought you said that you were going to forget about Desirée's predictions?

JACK: Of course it's already forgotten. Of course, come on, let's go. Forget about it.

 

JACK DOES NOT MEAN A WORD HE JUST SAID.

 

JENNIFER: You know what Jack. I have a better idea, alright.

JACK: What, you're going to get some bug spray?

JENNIFER: No, I want you to call Vern cause you'll feel better if you do and I have some things I want to do on my own.

JACK: Like what?

JENNIFER: Ah, I would like to do a little more shopping in Beverly Hills and maybe pick up some more souvenirs in Hollywood. Everything that you hate to do.

JACK: Well I don't want to just desert you.

JENNIFER: No, you wouldn't be deserting me. I mean you have work to do.

JACK: Well.... yes. I mean these messages were all marked urgent.

JENNIFER: Right, so I'll see you in a few hours right.

 

SHE GIVES HIM A KISS.

 

JENNIFER: Tell Vern I said hi and I'll see you later, okay.

JACK: Right, well don't spend it all in one place.

JENNIFER: I won't.

JACK: Don't spend it all!

 

JENNIFER PRETENDS TO LEAVE BUT STOPS TO LOOK BACK AT JACK. SHE IS OBVIOUSLY NOT GOING SHOPPING.

SCENE SIX: A SHORT TIME LATER, SHE KNOCKS ON DESIRÉE'S DOOR AGAIN. SHE COMES INSIDE AND ASKS DESIRÉE TO GIVE HER TO TALK TO JACK AGAIN BECAUSE HE IS SO UPSET ABOUT THE STRANGER. DESIRÉE TRIES TO CON JENNIFER INTO THINKING THAT SHE CAN READ THE FUTURE, SHE SHE TELLS JENNIFER THAT WHAT SHE SAID IS TRUE AND IS GOING TO HAPPEN. JENNIFER LEAVES AND SAYS THAT SHE IS NOT WORRIED ANYWAY BECAUSE SHE AND JACK HAVE SURVIVED EVERY WORST THING THE WORLD CAN THROW AT THEM.

SCENE SEVEN: BACK AT THE HOTEL, JACK IS ON THE PHONE TO VERN.

 

JACK: Vern, no, no, don't worry. That's the beauty of this plan. What we spend revamping the format we'll make back in new subscribers. Look I'm telling you Vern, I am going to make The Spectator the biggest paper in our part of the country. I really am. Our only problem is going to be where to put all that money when we start making it. (Beat) Right. Don't worry about a thing. I will talk to you tomorrow when I see you. Great.

 

JACK CHECKS TO SEE IF ANY COINS HAVE BEEN REJECTED AND THEN LEAVES.

THE COWBOY HAS BEEN SITTING IN THE LOBBY LISTENING TO THE WHOLE CONVERSATION.

SCENE EIGHT: JENNIFER RETURNS TO THE HOTEL AND IS APPROACHING THEIR ROOM. SHE TRIES TO INSERT HER KEY BUT IT WILL NOT FIT. SHE KNOCKS INSTEAD.

 

JENNIFER: Jack, are you in there?

JACK: Who is it?

JENNIFER: What do you mean, who is it? It's me.

JACK: Me, who?

JENNIFER: Me, your wife Jennifer. Jack open the door.

JACK: Prove it.

JENNIFER: Prove it? You've got to be kidding me. Open the door. What is going on? Why won't my key open this door?

JACK: Alright, alright. Okay, just a.... just a minute.

JENNIFER: What do you mean, alright, alright? What is going on?

JACK: Just a minute. Just....

JENNIFER: What is taking you so long to let me in this door?

 

JACK IS STRUGGLING TO UNDO ABOUT FOUR LOCKS THAT ARE NOW ON THE INSIDE OF THE DOOR.

 

JACK: Just a.... come in.

JENNIFER: What is going on?

 

HE SHUTS THE DOOR AGAIN AND PROCEEDS TO DO UP ALL THE LOCKS.

 

JENNIFER: Oh my gosh, what is that?

JACK: I just changed the locks while you were out and I added a little extra security while we were at it.

JENNIFER: I don't believe this. I don't believe this. We're checking out tomorrow Jack.

JACK: That doesn't mean we can't be get robbed tonight and don't tell me it won't happen. You know.... you know hotel theft happens all the time and we're prime targets because everybody in this town thinks that we are rich.

JENNIFER: You know you are crazy. I married a crazy man, that's what I did Jack.

JACK: Don't say you weren't warned, alright. Just don't say it.

 

SHE PICKS UP A SODA AND HAS A DRINK.

 

JACK: So did you have a good time shopping? Can I still use my cards?

JENNIFER: Ah, yes, I didn't buy anything.

JACK: Well I thought that you were going shopping?

JENNIFER: Well I changed my mind.

JACK: Huh. So what did you do?

JENNIFER: Look Jack that's much too boring to talk about, alright. This is the last day of our honeymoon and I haven't seen you all afternoon and we have a lot of lost time to (She hiccups from the soda)make up for.

 

THEY BOTH GRIN ABOUT HER HICCUP.

 

JACK: Well that's easy for you to say.

 

HE KISSES HER AND THEY FALL BACK ONTO THE BED.

 

SCENE NINE: SOME TIME LATER THEY ARE BOTH IN BED. SHE IS SITTING UP IN HIS PAJAMAS AND HE IS WEARING HIS ROBE. HE HAS HIS HEAD RESTING ON HER SHOULDER AND THEY ARE BOTH EXHAUSTED.

JENNIFER: Now that is what I call ending a honeymoon in style.

JACK: You're welcome.

JENNIFER: You're taking the credit? I think I probably had a little something to do with the event that just took place.

JACK: Well.... there you go again, still going after that by-line.

JENNIFER: That's right Jack, you better believe it.

 

SHE PICKS UP A BOTTLE OF WATER AND TAKES A SIP.

 

JACK: You think I've forgotten.

JENNIFER: Forgotten what?

JACK: Forgotten the question I was asking before we were.... so conveniently interrupted. (Beat) Where were you this afternoon?

JENNIFER: You know Jack, we're going to be late for dinner. We should....

JACK: Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it.

JENNIFER: Hold it? Why?

JACK: I'm having a vision.

JENNIFER: Great.

JACK: I'm having a vision. I'm seeing.... ah.... I'm seeing you.... I'm seeing you in a convertible.... in a convertible riding down the expressway.... no, no, no, no, the.... the freeway.... going to.... going to.... Desire's place.

 

HE TURNS TO LOOK STRAIGHT AT HER.

 

JACK: That's where you went today, isn't it?

JENNIFER: How did you know that Jack?

JACK: Oh I guess in your quest for souvenirs you couldn't help but let this little bauble just fall into your purse, huh.

 

HE HOLDS UP A BEAD FROM THE CURTAIN AT DESIRÉE'S PLACE.

 

JENNIFER: Look don't get mad at me Jack, okay. I had to go back.

JACK: Well I guess you took things that Desirée said a little more seriously than you want to believe.

JENNIFER: No that's not true. I went there to get her to admit that she's a fraud.

JACK: And did she?

JENNIFER: You know it really doesn't matter if she did or she didn't Jack. We are happy and we are going to stay that way. We don't need some loony psychic to tell us that.

JACK: That's right of course. We should just forget the whole thing. And henceforth, the whole Desirée incident has been consigned to the museum of unnatural history.

JENNIFER: Great, I drink to that.

 

SHE CLINKS THE BOTTLE AGAINST THE BEAD HE IS HOLDING.

 

JACK: I think we probably have enough time for one more expensive overpriced dinner in Los Angeles.

 

HE IS ABOUT TO GET UP BUT SHE PUTS HER ARM ACROSS TO STOP HIM.

 

JENNIFER: No wait. You know all this talking about history and museums has put me in the strangest mood Jack.

JACK: Well really. What.... what mood is that?

JENNIFER: A traveling mood. I have this irresistible urge to go to Niagara Falls.

 

SHE LIFTS THE BOTTLE OF WATER AND POURS SOME OVER HIS HEAD.

THEN SHE SQUEALS AND HIDES UNDER THE COVERS. A FEW SECONDS LATER, SHE GIVES HIM ANOTHER SPURT OF WATER DIRECTLY INTO HIS FACE.