SCENE ONE: JACK COMES BACK TO THE PENTHOUSE THE NEXT DAY. HE IS NOW WEARING A FULL WINTER POSTMAN'S UNIFORM COMPLETE WITH FUR LINED CAP.

 

JACK: Jennifer? (Beat) Jennifer, it's me, it's Jack. (Beat) Look I know that you're in here somewhere. Harry the doorman saw your car downstairs in the garage. (Beat) Look it's time we had this out. I'm ready to do some explaining about the girl. The one in the picture.

 

JENNIFER COMES OUT OF THE DINING ROOM.

 

JENNIFER: If you're talking about Cindy, why don't you just say so?

JACK: Well as a matter of fact I am.... talking.... wait, how did you know her name was Cindy?

JENNIFER: Oh that's simple Jack. She told me.

 

CINDY COMES WALKING OUT OF THE DINING ROOM. JENNIFER ALMOST SEEMS TO ENJOY JACK'S SHOCK OVER SEEING CINDY.

 

CINDY: Hi sweet thing.

JACK: How.... ah well you met! You met, well that's.... that's wonderful, that's great. I'm sure that the two of you have already talked about what was really happening when that picture was taken. That ridiculous picture. So now that everything's out in the open we can go back to being husband and wife, mentor and protØgØ....

JENNIFER: Butcher and carcass killer and corpse.

JACK: Heheheh, well I never realized you were developing into a person given to such colorful metaphor. So I kind of hesitate to ask what you meant by those animalistic analogies.

JENNIFER: Oh you know what Jack, don't hesitate. Just answer. Answer every single question I am about to ask you, in full, in detail, in English.... Now .

JACK: Let me get this straight, by now you mean....

JENNIFER: I mean now, I mean right now.

JACK: Right now.

JENNIFER: Yes, right now.

JACK: Cindy I want you to tell us, right, tell us the truth. Tell us that we worked together. That I gave you a job to do, to put lipstick on my collar and my shirt. But we never, we never had an affair.

 

THEY BOTH TURN TO CINDY. CINDY SEEMS TO ACTUALLY WISH THAT SOMETHING HAD HAPPENED BETWEEN HER AND JACK.

 

CINDY: Well sure Sweetie, if that's what you want. I don't know why but.... unfortunately that's exactly what happened.

 

JENNIFER TURNS BACK TO JACK WHO IS GRINNING AND NODDING AT HER. JENNIFER TOO HAS A SLIGHT GRIN ON HER FACE.

 

JACK: Thank you. Um, now if you don't mind.

 

HE PULLS HER TOWARDS THE DOOR.

JACK: If we ever need your services again, we will call. In the meantime, don't give up your day job. Say goodbye to the rump roast for me.

 

HE SHUTS THE DOOR IN TRIUMPH.

 

JACK: Hah, well now you understand everything....

JENNIFER: Well no, not really, but I don't think that you and Cindy are having an affair anymore.

JACK: Oh really, what made you realize that?

JENNIFER: You're not her type.

JACK: And what type is that?

JENNIFER: Sane.

 

SHE FLOPS ON THE SOFA ON HER SIDE OF THE LINE.

 

JACK: Hahahahah, sane, that's good.

 

HE FLOPS ON HIS SIDE OF THE SOFA.

 

JACK: Well now we've got that ugly chapter behind us we have cause to celebrate.

JENNIFER: Celebrate what?

JACK: Well, you and me. I mean the fact that we're back together now, means that we can....

JENNIFER: Jack, we are not back together. Not until you explain why you did what you did with Cindy.

JACK: Well I explained it already. It's because I love you. Because I love you and I want to have us back together and have our marriage be sound and whole and....

JENNIFER: How you ever came to the conclusion that pretending to have an affair would save our marriage is beyond me, Jack. (Beat) But go ahead. Go ahead, tell me.

JACK: Alright. You see it all started when....

 

HE WALKS TOWARDS THE LINE AND REALIZES HE CAN'T CROSS IT SO HE TURNS AROUND AND PACES IN THE OTHER DIRECTION.

 

JACK: .... it all started when I got this idea. You see I was thinking....

 

HE GOES ON TO TELL HER HIS PLAN.

 

JACK: .... and so we lured Baby Howie to the hotel and then we put on a show and that's all there is to it.

 

JENNIFER APPLAUDS HIS PERFORMANCE.

 

JENNIFER: Congratulations Jack. You know I thought that you were going to lame but you have surpassed yourself. You are not the king of lame anymore, you are the emperor.

JACK: Wait a minute, do you think that I made that up?

JENNIFER: What, where did you get that outfit? What happened to the.... to the doorman's uniform?

JACK: Harry had to take it back. He had to get it cleaned so he lent me his cousin's. Barry's.... he's a mailman.

JENNIFER: He's off duty, evidently.

JACK: At this moment, yes, waiting for me to return his suit. But let's get back to my lame story. Do you really think I made it up?

JENNIFER: No, even you don't have that vivid of an imagination. It must be true.

JACK: Good, now we can get things back to the way they were.

 

HE GOES TO PULL UP THE TAPE.

 

JENNIFER: Jack, you know what, you still don't get it do you? You had a chance to prove that you were responsible and trustworthy and instead of channeling all of your energy into to get it back on it's feet, you spent every waking minute plotting revenge against Hawk.

JACK: Can you blame me? I mean it's his fault that we are virtually penniless.

JENNIFER: I don't care about the money. I never have cared about the money.

JACK: Neither have I.

JENNIFER: Oh please! That's all you've cared about.

JACK: No, it's true. If you find that hard to believe, think about this, losing everything and then.... losing something that I've kind of grown up with. The money, the feel of it, the touch, the smell.... but that's not important. That's not important was.... was

JENNIFER: Why, why did you go after him?

JACK: I went after him because he was after you!

 

SHE LAUGHS THAT OFF.

 

JACK: Oh you find that so hard to believe, peg of my heart. I'm telling you that's true. He was after you since day one.

JENNIFER: Oh really. Where did you get this idea that Hawk was after me?

JACK: Because I know men. Because I am a man. He was after you from the day he met you.

 

JENNIFER IS PUZZLED.

 

JENNIFER: No he wasn't. He was trying to be my friend. He was encouraging and he was supportive....

JACK: Huh, huh, supportive! Supportive, that's the oldest one in the book. You show me a supportive man and I'll show you a guy who has a frequent flyer discount rate at a no tell motel. Myself excluded.

JENNIFER: Oh Jack, don't you think you're being a little melodramatic. Why would he go to so much trouble to try to win me over?

JACK: (Beat) Wait a minute you.... you just.... you don't get it, do you? Why don't you take a look in the mirror for a minute? You tell me what you see. (Beat) It's a beautiful girl, that's what you'll see. A girl who's.... who's beautiful.... who's kind.... who's.... who's.... well there's no other word for it, who's.... who's good. No not good, forget about good. (Beat) Who's.... who's just about perfect. That's what you'll see.

 

JENNIFER IS FLATTERED AND EMBARRASSED.

 

JENNIFER: Well I'm glad that you think that Jack but if you still think Hawk is as bad as you say, then....

JACK: No wait, wait a minute. Just hold that thought for a second. I think it. I want you to think it too, alright. Just give me a moment.

JENNIFER: What are you talking about, Jack?

JACK: I want you to stay right here. I will be back in half an hour.

JENNIFER: Wait a minute.

JACK: I will prove it to you once and for all. I'll prove it.

 

HE GRABS HIS COAT AND RUNS OUT THE DOOR.

SCENE TWO: A SHORT TIME LATER THE ELEVATOR DOOR OPENS WITH JACK AND WAITING FOR HIM OUTSIDE THE DOOR TO THE PENTHOUSE ARE ALICE, GINGER AND MARCUS.

 

JACK: Well....

ALICE: Oh Jack, what in the world is this all about?

JACK: Ah, sssssh, thank you so much for coming. I will tell you all. I will explain everything inside. Thank you for waiting out here for me. Thank you.

ALICE: Oh, I think this is slightly crazy.

JACK: It will all become clear.

 

JACK OPENS THE DOOR AND LETS THEM ALL IN. HE IS CARRYING A LARGE BROWN SHOPPING BAG.

 

JACK: Thanks.

JENNIFER: Jack I was just.... whooop.

 

JENNIFER IS SURPRISED TO SEE SO MANY VISITORS.

 

JENNIFER: I didn't know we were having company. Hi grandma, hi Marcus, hi Ginger.

ALICE: Hi darling.

MARCUS: Hi, how are you doing?

JACK: Actually they're more than company.

JENNIFER: You're up to something Jack. What is it?

JACK: Everything will become clear in just a few moments.

JENNIFER: What's he doing?

ALICE: I don't know.

JENNIFER: What are you doing Jack?

JACK: You'll see.

 

JACK IS REARRANGING THE FURNITURE.

 

JACK: Now step right over Jennifer, if you would. I have something for you?

JENNIFER: What do you mean?

JACK: Here, please just.... here put this on.

 

HE PUTS A BLACK ROBE ON HER.

 

JENNIFER: Wait a minute, this is ridic.... what is....

JACK: No, please, please.... just amuse me, please? There's family watching. Step right up here on the couch and sit here. Good, good.... good.

 

HE SIT HER UP ON THE BACK OF THE COUCH AND REACHES IN HIS BAG AND GETS OUT A LONG CURLY JUDGE'S WIG.

 

JACK: You've seen the People's Court haven't you?

JENNIFER: Oh no.... NO!

JACK: Yes, yes please Jennifer.

JENNIFER: No, you have gone too far. This isn't funny. Jack...

JACK: No, no, no. Remember I'm like a dog with a bone. You know me.

 

HE PUTS THE WIG ON HER HEAD.

 

JACK: Please, please, please.... family's watching.... thank you.

 

HE GOES BACK FOR MORE STUFF FROM HIS BAG.

 

JACK: Now last but not least.

JENNIFER: This is ridiculous.

 

HE PUTS A BED TRAY OVER HER KNEES AND GIVES HER A HAMMER AND GAVEL JUST LIKE A JUDGE HAS.

 

JACK: You can hit it now.

 

SHE BANGS THE GAVEL TWICE.

 

JACK: HERE YE, HERE YE, THE COURT IS NOW IN SESSION. The Honorable Jennifer Horton Deveraux presiding. Ladies and gentlemen.... gentleman.... please be seated.

 

HE INDICATES THAT THEY SHOULD ALL TAKE A SEAT.

 

ALICE: Ah yes.

JACK: Grandma, right over here. Marcus in this seat and Ginger right over here by the fire, if you will.

JENNIFER: Alright Jack, this is ridiculous. Now I want to know what this is all about and I want to know right now.

JACK: I'll tell you what this is all about. THIS IS ABOUT JUSTICE. This is about the decision between guilty or innocent. This is about me throwing myself on the mercy of the court.... over which you, the aforementioned Jennifer Deveraux preside.

JENNIFER: That's why you dragged my grandmother and Marcus and Ginger over here?

JACK: Yes, that's exactly why I brought you here to be a judge or a witness to my character or Baby Howie's lack thereof.

ALICE: Ah.... eh!

JENNIFER: There's no jury Jack.

JACK: Well we don't really need a jury. You see your decision is all that really counts. You see as far as I'm concerned my fate.... and life.... is in your hands.

SCENE THREE: JACK BEINGS THE TRIAL TO PROVE HIS INNOCENCE, HE BEGINS BY PUTTING ALICE ON THE "STAND" FIRST.

 

JACK: State your name please.

ALICE: Alice Horton.

JACK: Thank you Mrs. Horton.... Grandma. You are acquainted are you not with a gentleman by the name of Howard Hawkins III?

ALICE: Yes, I.... I am.

JACK: Yes. Would you give the court, please, your honest and unassailable assessment of this character's character?

ALICE: Well I've never made a secret of the fact that I didn't trust him.

JACK: Hmmm.

ALICE: And you know that Jennifer.... (Correcting herself) your honor. You know it, don't you?

 

JENNIFER LOOKS A BIT GUILTY.

 

ALICE (CONT.): Ah, huh! (Beat) From the very beginning I felt that that young man had something in mind other than friendship when it came to my grand-daughter.

JACK: I see. (Beat) And is it your opinion that the aforesaid Howard Hawkins III was deliberately attempting to insinuate himself into your grand-daughter's life in order to alienate her from her devoted albeit absent husband?

ALICE: IT IS, INDEED!

 

JENNIFER IS STARTING TO THINK AGAIN ABOUT HAWK'S BEHAVIOR BUT SHE IS NOT CONVINCED YET.

 

JACK: Huh, huh. Do we have anything more to add to that?

ALICE: Just that in my estimation, the young man is an unscruplous opportunist who would do anything to take advantage of a situation for his gain.

SCENE FOUR: JACK THEN CALLS MARCUS TO THE "STAND."

 

MARCUS: Well all the time that I've known the alleged psychic DesirØe McCall....

JACK: The question is, did she ever make an accurate prediction? Yes or no.

MARCUS: Well you know, accurate it's a word and....

JACK: No, I didn't think so. Now if you'll permit me to digress for a moment here Dr. Hunter. You were the attending physician when Howard Hawkins III was admitted to University Hospital claiming to have a back injury. Isn't that so? MARCUS: That's correct, yes.

JACK: And in your expert opinion was he injured in such a manner so as to necessitate the extended period of recuperation that he needed under my wife's and my care?

MARCUS: Well.... I didn't see anything wrong with him but you know there are a lot of injuries that don't show up on the x-rays.

JACK: Ah, thank you doctor. A simple yes or no will suffice.

MARCUS: Alright, No.

JACK: No.

 

HE LOOKS ACROSS AT JENNIFER WHO IS STARTING TO BE CONVINCED. JACK THEN PUTS GINGER ON THE "STAND."

 

GINGER: Well I would have to say that McCall and Hawkins knew each other pretty well.

 

JACK RE-ARRANGES JENNIFER'S JUDGE'S WIG AS HE WALKS BEHIND HER.

 

GINGER: I mean I told you every time I looked at the two of them they were just hissing like snakes. I think they were up to some kind of conspiracy.

JACK: Hmmm, conspiracy. (Beat) Well I think defense rests your honor.

GINGER: Well thank god. Ready?

MARCUS: Oh yeah.

ALICE: Can we go?

JENNIFER: Yeah, the witnesses are excused. Thank you for your testimony.

JACK: Yes, thank you very much. I would like to say your check's in the mail but.... heheheheh, it's kind of inaprospo.

ALICE: Well Jack, I hope this was necessary.

JACK: Thank you Marcus, thank you, thank you all.

 

HE SHUTS THE DOOR AFTER THEY ALL LEAVE.

 

JACK: AAAAAAH!

 

HE RUBS HIS HANDS TOGETHER AND IS VERY PLEASED WITH HIMSELF.

 

JACK: So, how am I doing?

JENNIFER: I think you gave it your best shot Jack but it still doesn't prove anything.

JACK: Well you haven't heard everything yet.

JENNIFER: Don't tell me there's more.

JACK: Of course there's more. You haven't heard my closing arguments yet. Closing argument comes right after my final evidence.

 

JACK GOES OVER AND PUTS THE HONEYMOON VIDEO TAPE IN THE VCR.

 

JENNIFER: This is the evidence that you were talking about?

JACK: It most certainly is. Wait until you see it.

JENNIFER: I have seen it. It's our honeymoon tape. I've seen it a dozen times.

JACK: Yes but you haven't seen it in freeze frame. Voilá!

 

HE FREEZES THE SHOT OF HAWK AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS.

 

JENNIFER: OH MY GOD, THAT'S HAWK! What is he doing at Universal Studios?

 

JACK: He's staking us out. That's what he's doing.

 

JENNIFER'S FACE DROPS AS SHE REALIZES THAT IT WAS ONE BIG PLAN.

SCENE FIVE: JACK HAS JUST SHOWED JENNIFER THE MOST INCRIMINATING PIECE OF EVIDENCE AGAINST HAWK, THE SHOT OF HAWK AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS, ON THEIR WEDDING TAPE. JENNIFER IS SHOCKED, AND CAN NO LONGER DENY THAT JACK HAS BEEN RIGHT ALL ALONG ABOUT HAWK.

JENNIFER: NO!

JACK: Yes! Hawk set us up. He set us up from the very beginning and once he pegged us, he fixed us up with DesirØe McCall, the fake psychic, who told you that a man would come into your life, a man who would change everything for you. That man was Baby Howie. Then he followed us back to Salem and he's been doing everything in his power to come between us since.

JENNIFER IS TOTALLY SHOCKED BY THE STORY.

JENNIFER: I don't believe this! Jack I trusted him. He made me think that he was my friend. I mean he knew exactly what to say, he knew exactly what to do. He.... how.... HOW DID HE DO THIS?

 

JACK IS VERY VERY RELIEVED THAT *AT LAST* SHE BELIEVES HIM INSTEAD OF HAWK. HE GIVES A HEAVY SIGH BEFORE ANSWERING HER.

 

JACK: I don't know. I mean who can know with a guy like this. I don't know?

JENNIFER: Oh he did it! He did it. I'm sure of it now.

JACK: Well that doesn't matter. That doesn't matter anymore. He hurt you, he hurt us but he's going to pay for it.

 

JENNIFER IS A VERY SHAKEN UP BY ALL THESE REVELATIONS.

 

JACK (CONT.): But first I'd like to take care of my payment, if you don't mind.

 

HE TAKES HER HAND.

 

JACK (CONT.): Please! I need to make my.... my closing statement.

 

HE SEATS HER BACK ON THE COUCH.

 

JACK (CONT.): Your honor.... the defense would like to.... plead for one more chance for the defendant. (Beat) One more chance.

 

HE KNEELS AT THE END OF THE COUCH.

 

JACK (CONT.): Because if.... if he is guilty, it's because he cannot stand the thought of living without.... his wife. IF HE IS GUILTY, IT'S BECAUSE HE WILL DO ANYTHING, NO MATTER HOW RIDICULOUS, BIZARRE OR INSANE.... to win her back and to win her good graces. If he is guilty, it's.... I'd also like to note at this time that he has used the word love.... at least three times out loud today.

JACK (CONT.): Your honor, knowing his past history, his track record, you know.... how difficult that is and.... his measurement in and of itself of the aforesaid love. (Beat) I think that makes number four.

JENNIFER: Yeah I noticed. (Beat) I was just wondering. Does the defendant really mean it?

JACK: If he doesn't mean it may he be struck dead.

 

THEY BOTH LOOK UP. THEY WAIT A COUPLE OF SECONDS AND BOTH BREATH A SIGH OF RELIEF.

 

JENNIFER: You're not dead.

JACK: No, I'm.... I feel very much alive. (Beat) And now if I may.... break with judicial.... just break the judicial code.

 

HE SITS ON THE COUCH NEXT TO HER AND PULLS OFF HER WIG.

 

JACK: I love you. (Beat) You don't understand that. I have always loved you and if you still love me in any way shape or form then we may have something left. (Beat) I think that was....

JENNIFER: Five, six and seven. I'm counting.

JACK: Seven.... yep. So tell me your honor.... what do you say.... guilty or innocent.

 

SHE REACHES OVER AND BANGS THE GAVEL. THEN SHE STRETCHES OUT HER ARMS AND THEY SQUEEZE EACH OTHER IN THE TIGHTEST POSSIBLE EMBRACE.

JENNIFER: You know what, this is a new beginning.

JACK: Agreed.

JENNIFER: But I want guarantees Jack. I want solemn promises.

JACK: Right, you've got it, whatever, you've got it.

JENNIFER: Okay.

 

SHE STARTS TO UNDO THE TOP BUTTON ON HIS SHIRT.

 

JENNIFER: "Promise Number One."

 

SHE KISSES HIM ON THE CHIN.

 

JENNIFER: You will never sell stocks illegally to the Japanese or to anybody else.

JACK: .... Ah.... done.... done.

 

SHE STARTS TO UNDO THE SECOND BUTTON ON HIS SHIRT.

 

JENNIFER: "Promise Number Two."

 

SHE KISSES HIM ON BOTH CHEEKS.

 

JENNIFER (CONT.): You will never again put a ticker tape machine or any other business equipment into our bedroom

JACK: Never, I promise, Never.

 

SHE STARTS TO UNDO THE THIRD BUTTON ON HIS SHIRT.

 

JENNIFER: "Promise NumberThree."

 

SHE KISSES HIM ON THE LEFT SIDE OF HIS NECK, THEN HIS LEFT CHEEK, THEN THE TIP OF HIS NOSE.

SHE FINALLY KISSES HIS FOREHEAD. JACK IS GETTING SLIGHTLY ANXIOUS TO GET ON WITH IT ALL.

 

JACK: Yeah.... "Promise Number Three."

JENNIFER: You will never again, never, pretend to have an affair with anyone like Cindy or any other kind of "Rump Roast." you run into.

JACK: You've got it. I've sworn off rumps.... (He looks at her and gets a sly look) well may.... well....

 

HE GRINS AND TRIES TO KISS HER BUT SHE STARTS TALKING AGAIN.

 

JENNIFER: And last but not least.

JACK: "Last but not least."

JENNIFER: Last but not least.

 

SHE UNDOES THE LAST BUTTON ON HIS SHIRT.

 

JACK: Yes, "last but not least."

JENNIFER: At your earliest convenience you will join me in the ceremonial burning of your late and unlamented powder blue leisure suit.

JACK: I'll be there with bells on.... and not much else unless you agree to bring my clothes up from the basement.

JENNIFER: Noooo.... you won't be needing them Jack.

 

HE LOOKS DOWN AT HIS SHIRT ALL UNDONE. SHE PULLS HIS FACE BACK UP TO FACE HER.

 

JENNIFER: You won't be needing them for a long long time.

 

THEY EMBRACE AND KISS AND SLOWLY SLIDE BACK ONTO THE COUCH AND THEN SLIDE TO THE FLOOR. JACK PULLS THE DIVIDING TAPE AWAY AS HE GOES. SOME TIME LATER THEY ARE BOTH UNDRESSED AND IN BED AFTER MAKING LOVE.

SCENE SIX: A BREATHLESS DESIRÉE GOES TO SEE HAWK. SHE HAS BEEN SPYING ON JACK AND JENNIFER FOR HIM. HE THINKS THAT JENNIFER AND JACK ARE THROUGH, AFTER HE SET IT UP THAT JENNIFER SAW THE PHOTOS OF JACK AND CINDY; HE ANGRILY QUESTIONS DESIRÉE ABOUT WHAT SHE HEARD, SHE WAS HANGING OUTSIDE THE PENTHOUSE LISTENING IN. SHE TELLS HIM THAT SHE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON, IT SOUNDED AS IF THEY WERE WATCHING RERUNS OF L.A. LAW OR SOMETHING. HE IS PLEASED THAT HIS PLANS TO GET JACK OUT OF THE WAY ARE WORKING. THOUGH SHE IS NOT SO SURE THAT JACK AND JENNIFER ARE THROUGH.

SCENE SEVEN: BACK AT THE PENTHOUSE JACK AND JENNIFER ARE UNDRESSED AND IN BED, AFTER MAKING UP AND MAKING LOVE. JACK IS POURING TWO GLASSES OF CHAMPAGNE.

 

JACK: After drinking to your grandmother for giving us this bottle, I don't who or what we should toast to next.

JENNIFER: I think that we should make a toast to us and to our future.

 

THEY LOOK IN EACH OTHER'S EYES.

 

JENNIFER: And to making sure that we don't let anybody or anything come between us again.

JACK: I think that's a pretty good toast.

 

THEY CLINK GLASSES AND THEN INTERTWINE THEIR ARMS AND SIP THE CHAMPAGNE.

JACK: Mrs. Deveraux.

JENNIFER: Mrs. Deveraux.

JACK: Aaaaah!

JENNIFER: Aaaaah!

JACK: One, two, three.

THEY BOTH THROW THEIR CHAMPAGNE FLUTES ONTO THE FLOOR.

 

JENNIFER: Oh well.

JACK: Oh well, let the maid clean it up.

 

SHE STARTS TO GIGGLE AS HE KISSES HER AGAIN.

 

JACK: I love you.

JENNIFER: I love you Jack.

JACK: That's "number eight."

 

SHE GIGGLES AGAIN AS THEY SINK DOWN IN THE BED AND KISS,

BOTH BLISSFULLY HAPPY THAT THEY ARE BACK TOGETHER AFTER ALL THESE MONTHS.