oldEpisode Four-hundred-thirty-one:
Jack Tries to Set Marcus up with
a Woman. Later, Jack Tries to
Pitch a Cops Type Show to Roman.

---

[Air date early July 1992]

 

SCENE ONE: JACK WALKING THE MALL WITH MARCUS.

MARCUS: So what do you think, huh?

JACK: Well it is merchandising heaven.

MARCUS: Yeah well the scenery's not bad either, let me tell you.

JACK: I suppose, if you're into that sort of thing.

MARCUS: Well, and you're not. Check that out.

 

A VERY ATTRACTIVE BLONDE WALKS PAST.

 

JACK: Well you have to remember I am a married man Marcus.

MARCUS: Yeah.

JACK: Once you've had steak it's rather difficult to go back to hamburger.

MARCUS: Jack you can be amazingly sappy when you put your mind to it, you know that?

JACK: Well Jennifer has been gone for two weeks and contrary to popular belief I do have feelings. I do miss her.

MARCUS: Well you know my dance card is clear so if you want to hang out with Homey you just let me know, huh.

JACK: That could work out. That would be very good to get a date for Homey.

MARCUS: What did you say?

JACK: I said that.... that I'd like to help you out. Let me tell something. Think about life. When you're single you spend all this time and energy trying to get a date with a member of the opposite sex.

MARCUS: Yeah.

JACK: If you're married, you and the member of the opposite sex that you're married to spend all this time and energy trying to get dates with other married couples.

MARCUS: So what, you're asking me out on a date once I find a wife?

JACK: No, no, I'm saying....

MARCUS: What are you saying?

JACK: .... that it would be better if you had one.

MARCUS: What, a date?

JACK: No, no, no, a wife.

MARCUS: Look Jack, if a wife lands in my lap I'll consider it. But you know I've figured if it's going to happen, it's going to happen, right.

JACK: I tell you what, what if I happened to help you happen?

MARCUS: Ah.... what are you talking about?

JACK: I'm just saying that I have found just the right girl for you.

MARCUS: Oh you did?

JACK: Yes.

MARCUS: Are we talking the plastic inflatable type now, are we, huh?

JACK: Haha. We are talking about a real flesh and blood girl.

MARCUS: Now I like that. I like those two qualities in a woman, yes I do. Now give me some details here or should I just get the marriage license and save us both some time?

JACK: No, no, no, no, no. Let me just tell, I had this feeling about this girl.

MARCUS: Feeling?

JACK: Yes that you and this girl would really just hit it off.

MARCUS: Hit it off. (Beat) She's black isn't she?

JACK: No.... yes, yes she's black but there's a lot that you two have in common.

MARCUS: Not a doctor is she?

JACK: No, not a doctor.

MARCUS: Oh. So she's not into plastic surgery....

JACK: I don't know. Look I'm being serious here.

MARCUS: So am I. You said we had a lot in common other than being black right.

JACK: I mean it, I mean it. Look, I'm just saying that she's intelligent. She's.... and she's smart. She's nice, she's a.... she's like you.

MARCUS: Just like me.

JACK: Just like you.

MARCUS: Just like me. Yeah I'll bet.

JACK: Marcus look I'm not good at this, alright. I'm not a matchmaker.

MARCUS: You're telling me.

JACK: I just.... thank you. I just had this feeling that you two might hit it off in a certain way. That you .... that you'd like her style.

MARCUS: Style, huh?

JACK: Style, yes. Are you interested in the slightest?

MARCUS: Intrigued is the word I want to use.

JACK: Good, good. I will set it up.

MARCUS: No, I don't....

JACK: Look I'm going to see her right now down at the station.

MARCUS: Well you're going to be on camera today?

JACK: Ah, no, I'm going down to the police station. I'll see you later.

MARCUS: The POLICE STATION?

 

JACK WALKS OFF.

 

MARCUS: Oh no, what have you got yourself into this time Marcus?

SCENE TWO: JACK ARRIVES AT ROMAN'S OFFICE WHERE MISS BANKS, THE BLACK PRODUCER IS TALKING TO ROMAN.

 

MISS BANKS: Well the man I was thinking of....

JACK: The reporter you're thinking of.... is Jack Deveraux. Is that right?

MISS BANKS: Well it is as far as I'm concerned. I hope you don't have a problem with that captain?

ROMAN: Well that depends.

JACK: Really? Depends on what?

ROMAN: On how you answer a question. What makes you think you're qualified to do this job?

 

MISS BANKS LEAVES.

SCENE THREE: JACK GOES ON TO TELL ROMAN WHY HE SHOULD GET THE JOB WORKING WITH THE POLICE.

 

JACK: Shortly before the wedding I developed a case of laryngitis which almost kept me from getting to the old corral on time.

ROMAN: Ah.... just.... do you mind if I interrupt here for just a second? Is there some reason why you are telling me your entire life story?

JACK: Well I'm sure you've heard some stories about me. I mean one can't live in this town without hearing more than one would ever want to hear about his fellow citizens.

ROMAN: Well if this is your idea of trying to sell yourself, I suggest you rethink your strategy.

JACK: My strategy is full disclosure. I would hate to have you say yes to me today and tomorrow have someone buttonhole you with a series of Jack Deveraux stories when I can tell them much better myself. Now the fact is, I've had a very troubled past. (Beat) But it is the past.

ROMAN: Let's hope.

JACK: Another fact is I'm a damn good reporter and I can handle myself in a sticky situation. Something you witnessed during the holdup at the fish market.

ROMAN: Okay so why don't you tell me some more about what you have planned for this show.

JACK: Well it's really very simple. Your people get a call and they roll. My people go with you and they roll. But that's not what's important. What's important is that you consider the publicity that you're going to get out of this.

ROMAN: Publicity?

JACK: Oh yes, not just publicity for you but for your department. I mean has there been a time when the people of Salem have needed to hear some good news about its police department. Of course, that's just one thing. Consider the other fringe benefits and of course there's that thing that happened to that police captain down in Florida.

 

JACK SMIRKS.

 

ROMAN: What police captain Jack?

JACK: It's nothing, really it's nothing. He.... well they were doing a show similar to this one in his precinct and it turned out he expended more energy trying to fight for airtime than he did for.... fighting crime. But that's not really a problem. Not for someone with your strong sense of priorities.

 

ROMAN LAUGHS AT THE WAY JACK IS TRYING TO MANIPULATE HIM.

 

ROMAN: Did you honestly think that that was going to work?

JACK: I'm sorry. I don't know what you're talking about.

ROMAN: Ah, well I mean you left it off on your resume earlier but I got the feeling that this is not the first time that you have tried to stroke someone's ego.

JACK: Well I am in television.

ROMAN: I'm not. I didn't join the force to become a star.

JACK: Yes but if that stardom happened to come along....

ROMAN: Or to become rich or to become commissioner. I joined the force to do a job and if I go along with this idea, it will be because the truth is I can no longer do that job. Nobody can. Not with what's going on here in the department. Not with what's going on out there on the streets of Salem.

JACK: You said If. Does that mean you're actually considering it?

ROMAN: Aaaah, yes.

JACK: Yes? By yes do you mean....

ROMAN: I mean yes, you can do the show.

JACK: You're serious?

ROMAN: Yes, I'm serious. Listen the department's in a lot of trouble right now what with these phony cops running around out there among other things. We need some good press and we need it bad. So you scratch our back and we will scratch yours.

JACK: Well I suppose this is where I say, I won't let you down.

ROMAN: Well I guess it's up to you to make sure you don't, huh?

 

ROMAN SMILES AND SHUTS THE DOOR OF HIS OFFICE LEAVING JACK OUTSIDE.

SCENE FOUR: MEANWHILE MARCUS HAS GONE TO THE HOSPITAL AND MISS BANKS HAS TURNED UP THERE TO SEE HIM.

 

MARCUS: Well what has that to do with me?

MISS BANKS: Well you're in charge of the trauma center aren't you?

MARCUS: Yeah, yeah.

MISS BANKS: I need your approval.

MARCUS: Wait a minute, you need my approval to do a reality based show on the Salem police department? Come on.

MISS BANKS: I want our viewers to get a real look at things. The police do a dangerous job. They're heroes everyday.

MARCUS: Alright, I agree with you there.

MISS BANKS: And so are you doctors. And since so many police calls end up here at the hospital I need your permission to bring the cameras right into the trauma center and film the emergencies as they happen.

 

SHE IS OBVIOUSLY RUBBING MARCUS UP THE WRONG WAY.

 

MARCUS: No, no, no, no. We're talking life and death here lady. Right, it's hard enough without lights and cameras and people running around all over the place.

MISS BANKS: Listen I guarantee you Dr. Hunter that my people know how to do their jobs without ever getting in your way.

MARCUS: Your people will not get in my way because they will not be here to get in my way.

MISS BANKS: No but listen, you don't realize the difference the exposure can make as far as contributions are concerned.

MARCUS: Look I am not going to.... I'm not going to take someone's tragedy or emergency and raise money for myself or ratings for you alright.

MISS BANKS: But that's not what....

MARCUS: No, no, no. End of conversation. End of story. Get it out of your brain because it's not going to happen.

MISS BANKS: Alright doctor.

MARCUS: Alright.

MISS BANKS: If you won't cooperate with us, I'm just going to have to go over your head.

MARCUS: Well you just shoot your shot.

MISS BANKS: Oh I will.

MARCUS: Good luck.

MISS BANKS: I don't need any.

MARCUS: Errrr!

 

SHE OPENS THE DOOR TO LEAVE AND JACK ENTERS.

 

MISS BANKS: I'll talk to you later Jack.

JACK: I'm looking forward to it Miss Banks.

MARCUS: Yeah, I bet you are. Lucky you.

 

SHE LEAVES.

SCENE FIVE: JACK WALKS OVER TO MARCUS.

 

JACK: You've met the illustrious Miss Banks?

MARCUS: Yeah, I've met the lady alright. What about her?

JACK: Well.... she's.... the one. That's.... her.

MARCUS: Who her?

JACK: That's her. That's the lady that we were talking about before.

MARCUS: Wait a minute, that's.... that's the.... my soul mate, the perfect match? My blind date?

JACK: Well yes, I told you she was something.

 

MARCUS LOOKS AT JACK AND SHAKES HIS HEAD.

 

JACK: What?

MARCUS: Nothing Jack, nothing, nothing. It figures. It.... just figures.